The First Lady Vanishes

Shutdown Casualty? Michelle Obama Disappears

“First Lady Michelle Obama has almost completely disappeared from view since the shutdown began October 1, holding not a single public event and canceling scheduled appearances in California.  It’s not clear exactly why she’s not even materializing at the White House, though one likely explanation is that at least a portion of her staff has been furloughed.”  White House Dossier 10/15/2013

It’s very out of character for World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama to be far from the national spotlight, government shutdown be damned. Surely the chauffeurs are essential personnel. Maybe her WH make-up artist and hairdresser are furloughed. Hey! -maybe she IS out among us lining up at Shake Shack or whatever and we just don’t recognize her under the hastily thrown-on wighat and some oversized shades. If you were standing behind her without her customary pancake and clip-ins and observed one of those mismatched get-ups she prefers, would your first thought be first lady or would it be bag lady?

Needs a few more layers. Maybe a crocheted hat and a plastic rain poncho.

Let me suggest to you that we are not seeing her because she is otherwise occupied. But how? Here are some likely options for you to consider:

1. Fat farm.

2. Recovering from Asian Jaw Shaving.

3. Getting plucked.

4. Building new shelving for designer  shoe collection.

5. Buzzing the Million March vet with a government helicopter.

5. Helping Malaria and Sausage with their homework. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

6. Volunteering for groundbreaking string lift procedure for lazy eyelid.

7. Being Beyonce.

8. Turning Sunny and Splash into service dogs, if service means “Retrieve a fresh bottle of Stoli for Mama.”

9. Spending long-awaited girl time with Val Jar.

10. Hula hooping.

Admit it. 9 out of 10 of these suggestions are entirely possible.

10 thoughts on “The First Lady Vanishes”

  1. I don’t see: “Visiting Brazil for a bikini wax.” on the list….it could happen. I’m sure they make bikinis that size, but it would probably require a permit to have that much wax in one location.

  2. The grey suit she’s wearing in the photo is the worst made suit jacket ever worn by a public persona. It pulls, wrinkled, seams crooked, lapel-well-laughable.
    IMO, she’s had her teeth moved/shortened/something since we first saw her.

    1. Maybe we are happy the harpy is disparu? Or worried she is in the food chain somehow.. Water supply , food dessert , waygu corral , lobsta line , moving fat kidz ?

  3. She’s infiltrated the team, playing linebacker, to do a sensational exposé on the Redskins. Sort of a cross between Steinem’s “A Bunny’s Tale” and George Plimpton’s “Paper Lion”.

  4. Add a bowler hat and goggles and she could have been at the Steampunk Festival in Morristown 2 weeks ago. That boob belt looks like it could have an Aetheric De-Materializer for a buckle.

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