Blogging Will Be Light

Spoiler: Once you look past official media coverage, it’s surprising to learn how deep is the hatred for Meghan Markle by regular British people. Not annoyance or dislike – actual hatred. 

Somehow I fell into several Brit blogs and tweeters dedicated to sleuthing the mystery of Meghan Markle and her fake pregnancy. I live now in a world of  a non-stop examination of surrogates, pregnancy pillows (new vocabulary wood: moonbump), moving due dates  and Meghan’s “bump behavior”, including a day to day record of the big-then-small-again size and shape of the bump and  documentation of her deliberate coat-flicking.

I tell you, it’s like a round-the-clock Art Bell Show of the British Royal Family. It’s utterly fascinating and I can hardly tear myself away. Blogging will be light until Baby Sussex is revealed to the world. And maybe not even then.

This Is A True Story

I was gearing up to make a new post here and for some reason got lost down the rabbit hole of reading my own blog posts from years back. Now that 111/2  year old Stedman is undeniably “not the dog he used to be”, this one about old Bob the Actual Corgi in his decline made me sad.

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IT’S A SMALL WORLD WHEN FAMILY NEWS OF IMPORTANCE CAN BE RELAYED INSTANTLY ACROSS THE COUNTRY IF ONLY SOMEONE WAS ON THE OTHER END TO RECEIVE IT

Its Suzette (8:34:31 PM): teddy?

Its Suzette(8:34:36 PM): you there?

Its Suzette(8:34:44 PM): i have something to tell you.

Its Suzette(8:34:55 PM): bob plunged into the creek today.

Its Suzette(8:35:15 PM): daddy left the little gate at the back of the yard open. and then he sent the dog out and told nora to bring him in later.

Its Suzette(8:35:34 PM): she was taking a shower and she heard him furiously barking, so she threw her clothes on and went to find him

Its Suzette(8:35:47 PM): he was wandering in the creek way over behind angelo’s pool

Its Suzette(8:36:00 PM): the creek bank is very steep now from the erosion

Its Suzette(8:36:21 PM): he must have been walking on  the spot where the grass clippings get dumped and just stepped too far and boom!  he went straight down

Its Suzette(8:36:29 PM): its a good 14 ft plunge

Its Suzette(8:36:36 PM): even nora had trouble getting down.

Its Suzette(8:36:50 PM): she had to jump down into the water, just like indiana jones

Its Suzette(8:37:29 PM): and she saw him and started calling him but you know he can’t hear now

Its Suzette(8:37:57 PM): he was just standing there all covered with mud barking and barking

Its Suzette(8:38:12 PM): and then he caught a glimpse of her and started barking in a different way

Its Suzette(8:38:20 PM): so she had to go down there and pick him up to carry back

Its Suzette(8:38:45 PM): and then she faced that steep wall of dirt, so she parked him on a dirt shelf while she scrambled up the side

Its Suzette(8:39:08 PM): and then put him farther up, etc

Its Suzette(8:39:18 PM): and when they got up to the yard, he was all muddy

Its Suzette(8:39:27 PM): so she had to squirt him with the hose

Its Suzette(8:39:44 PM): and then he pepped up and started running around trying to get away from her.

Its Suzette(8:39:54 PM): so she had to give him an outdoor bath

Its Suzette(8:40:00 PM): with apple-scented shampoo

Its Suzette(8:40:12 PM): and chase him with the hose again

Its Suzette(8:40:26 PM): but this time, he was sort of collapsing when he was trying to get away from her

Its Suzette(8:41:03 PM): like those cartoons where the feet are furiously moving , but no forward progress is made. bongos playing.

Its Suzette(8:41:30 PM): his back feet were moving but he was falling on his face

Its Suzette(8:42:06 PM): daddy is trying to act tough like he doesn’t care, but  he came to supper with his pockets full of biscuits to give to the dog while we ate, and later we saw him making a taco for the dog.

Its Suzette(8:42:51 PM): the dog seems to be ok

Its Suzette(8:42:59 PM): a bloodshot eye and a limp, but he had the limp before

Its Suzette(8:43:11 PM): you there?

Its Suzette(8:43:22 PM): ted?

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I used to have the best commenters in the world back then. Some of the links too their own blogsites are still active but lead to a 404 page now. I miss them but am grateful for the brave few here now who leave their mark.

I do believe that I am maudlin now. Time to get up and do something else.

Continue to dig around in the flower bed? No – too lazy.

Go shopping? No – too smelly.

Go to the library? No – see above.

Float around in the pool and listen to podcasts? Ok – that’s a plan.

New Blogging Energy

I am living proof that optimism is on the rise in the age of Trump. The daily drag of hearing about and especially looking at Hillary! and World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ wore one down to the point of nausea. The idea of thinking about them enough to develop an amusing blog became more and more repulsive until it became unbearable.

But now! Now everything is different. So I’m thinking of new blog categories that I can enjoy as well as you my lovely readers would. Here are two ideas that I’m playing around with:

Chelsea Cooks! 

Who knew our little Chelsea was such an innovative foodie? Not only did her Spinach pancakes take the Twitter world by storm, but her follow-up justification that she was addressing deficiencies in her daughter’s dietary intake adds another dimension to analyzing her food ideas and menu selections. (Example: “Parenting Tip: look after your toddler’s vitamin needs by letting her suck on refrigerator magnets shaped like alphabet letters.  Letters A and C are especially popular with kids and moms alike!”)

Dispatches From Camp Kalorama

This would be a Dear Diary kind of thing written in the voice of a sardonic teen age Valerie Jarret. Disaffected diarist Valerie June would complain about everything and mock recurring characters: a former first lady known as LaVaugn, a spoiled and lazy former first daughter Cha Cha plus various visitors such as failed presidential candidates,  assorted lesser Kennedys and a US Senator known as Walks With Massholes.

Yes, I think these ideas deserve serious consideration.

 

 

 

Separate

[Preface:  I have a thing against popular bloggers giving advice or swaying reader opinion when they themselves are have mental disorders and deficiencies. It’s not reasonable to use your public platform in this manner. People, generally those not fully formed who merely enjoy your writing come to think of you as a role model and are very susceptible to adopting your opinions, valid or not. I include myself in this group of mental defectives even though I only have a dozen regular readers. Evidence below as I reveal my plan to spend 60 hours creating an asswipe.] 

I finished the vintage 1991 Black Ikat piece, even though I ran out of yarn and had to buy some online knowing that the dye lots (and the decades) would be different. I had a feeling this was going to happen, so my strategy was to use the vintage yarn in the center and  supplement with new yarn if necessary around the edges. That was a plan that paid off. Out of 5 new skeins, only one is of a noticeably different hue.It was a disappointment right from the start when i realized that the colors that I expected to pop against the black background were fairly dull and uninteresting. I thought this was going to be some colorful patches with incidental trim of small boxes at the edges, but it turned out to be a wild riot of confetti rings with non-colorful  color blocks in the center. Please congratulate me for sticking with this one to the end – 178 hours worth of work. When I ran out of yarn, that was the perfect excuse to ditch this one but instead I acted like and adult and persevered to the end. Maybe I have finally changed my life-long behavior of leaving things partly done and walking away. Said the leopard to her own spots.

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It’s the hot pink block top row center that has the mismatched yarn. can you see it?

Now I’ve started a small piece of simple design. It’s called Brussels Carpet based on a pattern at the Smithsonian, kit created in 1994. I’ts 10″ X 12″, the design is simple  and uses only 6 distinct colors. Piece of cake! I figure this one will take ~ 50-60 hours because the pattern is so simple and repetitive. The joke is on me because so far I’ve put in about 20 hours and only got this far:

bc p
Using the crappy Persian yarn as single strands makes each length somewhat stretchy so I have to be extra careful with stitch tension. I’m going to a lot of trouble for an asswipe.

Instead of a simple tent stitch, I ‘m using a Victorian Cross Stitch which is two crossed stitches in the same space that a single slash stitch would be.  I had to, due to the crappy nature of the yarn that came in this kit. The effect is that of tiny little knots and gives the piece the appearance of a  handmade carpet. I’ve been spoiled by working my first 3 pieces with the luscious spun as a single strand Appleton yarns. This kit came with “Persian Yarn”, which is code for three stand lengths, that need to be separated so that you can work with 2 strands at a time. Which is bullshit and was a disaster. What a ghastly, bumpy, uneven mess that was. So I ripped out the small patch I had done and used single strands  in the VCS . I believe that should give me enough single strands to finish the entire piece. If it doesn’t then I’m just going to trim away the unsticthed canvas and use whatever is left  as an asswipe.

The other issue that makes this slow going is that the symmetry of the pattern demands perfection in stitch placement .  I ripped out some parts of that rosette three times already. I’ve got to stop doing that – what looks so dire and obvious under the magnifier I use when I work is imperceptible to the naked eye. I think. The thing about ripping out VCS – because they cross over on the back side as well as the front – is that its more cutting the stitches to pull them out rather than pulling back single stitches to get to the point things started to go to hell. Which wastes yarn. So, hello asswipe of the future.

So yesterday, hot hot Sunday, stayed inside in blissful air conditioned comfort but nothing good on TV to provide background noise. Turned to BET to watch House of Payne which is a show I sort of  liked when it was in production.Left the channel on as I stitched and cursed my way through my terrible hobby.  A string of black chick flicks came on one after the other. In general, I like a chick flick as background noise – they are the perfect light entertainment.  I was struck by one PSA that played frequently for a project called DeEscalate Don’t Kill. It was the first video at that link, a general message for peace and understanding . My first thought was that the people who need to deescalate are probably not spending their Sunday afternoons watching movies about  how to balance successful careers as lady lawyers or corporate VPs with your love life or when to tell your new man that you have children. But when we got to the part where the general watching public was invited to “upload a video telling us how you feel about [recent police shootings] for a chance to be heard on BET.”, I realized that this effort  was probably not going to do much to deescalate things.

On a personal level, I’m not fan of the police. I do believe they profile to select the people they stop. I, for instance, fit the profile of a Slightly Tardy Business Woman Just Trying To Get To Work On Time and have been stopped, bossed around and ticketed for speeding many, many times. Perhaps I am a public menace but they enver tell me theya re stopping me for safety reasons. I keep my mouth shut even though I desperately want to ask them why they are not out chasing criminals or actually stopping obvious out-in-the open crimes. (Answer: because its less dangerous for them to stop business women than is it to engage with real criminals)

On the other hand, I am very grateful for police when it comes to crowd control. Republican Convention this week, flames fanned by the deceitful media  – anything can happen, including a measure of Blue Flu to avoid being picked off by domestic terrorists emboldened by the irresponsible president. Who can blame them? For all the 20 year old knuckleheads who want to riot, create mayhem and get their mugs on TV,  go right ahead.  This goes for 40 year old paid agitators, too. but people with baby carriages, young children, old grannies and physical disabilities – stay away. You can work out your rage by uploading a video expressing your rage from the safety of your tear gas-free home.

Random Thoughts

Famous Bloggers  I notice that all of the more famous bloggers do this:

  • blog daily
  • shamelessly pilfer material
  • eventually reveal themselves to be mentally unbalanced

I have my beefs with some of them but wth? They would be just as unbalanced and pitiable if they were not famous, so I choose to keep my opinions to myself.

Blogging Daily I used to do that. And it was good. There was a whole community of commenters that engaged with me and with each other. I still have great commenters but not so many. I was looking at a few old posts and I consistently drew 12-30 comments on each. That’s what makes blogging worthwhile – the feedback*. Can’t remember why I slowed down. I’m going to try and post here a little more often than I’ve been doing lately. What follows is quality examples of what you can expect.

Morning Prayer Dear Lord, Please give me the strength to stop buying vintage needlepoint pillow kits from eBay. Also the devil put before me the search term “vintage tapestry cushion kits” and now I need extra strength to avoid British eBay too because that’s where the good stuff is.

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Actual purchases.

These should keep me busy through mid-2017. Or not. I think I can whip those bottom two out in about a month each. Better continue to stock up – maybe go full retail. Like this William de Morgan fishy charmer. 

Cabbage Steaks With Sour Cream  Hey, guys – I’m dieting again. For two weeks. It’s my own food plan called Mostly Aktins and No  Gin Mostly Aktins and Less Gin. But do you know that gin has no carbs? And do you know that a shot of gin is only 73 calories? And do you know that “a shot”= 25ml? Who is that for, 25mls – Grandma on her 100th birthday?

Temptation I have given up the world of blogging about Gross Democrat Women (because they make me sick) but man, how much temptation can a person take? Hillary’s coughing, a crystal encrusted MOO** and now enormous first daughter Malaria heading for that all-American distillery of knowledge, Harvard University. That last one is killing me . I envision a series called “Malaria Hits Harvard” perhaps written in the style of New England Journal of Medicine articles for all my medically-oriented readers. And a sub category called “Sausage Party; Teen Ho Down in the White House”. I could work up enthusiasm for that.

 

*Even from the pre-BLM era thugs who commented to insult me because I pointed out the truth about world Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama.

**Who could use a little Mostly Atkins and Less Gin herself these days.