As For The Rest Of Us …

I hope that you realize that America’s misbegotten fascination with balsamic vinegar has pushed Red Wine Vinegar and Oil salad dressing right off the shelves?

rwYes, you can still sometimes find it on Amazon for nine bucks a bottle but you can’t find it in a supermarket. Go ahead and look. Anything with “vinaigrette” on the label is immediately preceded by “balsamic”. Don’t get me started with the burial of oil and vinegar as a descriptive phrase for a simple thing in favor of the more exotic (or possibly more expensive? definitely more snobby) vinaigrette. Likewise do not get me started about the popularity of olive oil. Olive oil is fine and I have no objection to it, it’s just that sometimes a girl wants a little Wessonality on her plate.

I know it’s easy to make your own red wine vinegar and oil dressing, but sometimes I like or liked past tense to pour a little from the bottle and then supplement with pure red wine vinegar then salt the whole thing up. Usually, when I start out making  my own RWV&O dressing, it morphs into the house Italian I used to get from a local Italian lunch place in NJ – red wine vinegar, oil, salt and a ton of minced garlic and oregano.

I want to hope that the balsamic craze will be short lived and out of my hair sooner rather than later but I’ve been wrong before about popular but aggravating food trends, namely overly decorated dessert plates and garlic mashed potatoes. They will not die.

In other grocery store news: there’s a big, blond and brawny manly man who works the early shift in the meat department* of the local Winn-Dixie. I’m an 8 am kind of grocery shopper so there is rarely anyone else around when he sees me rolling down the aisle towards the meat case. He always says “Mornin’, darlin’. Let me know what y’all want” in a very friendly manner. I wonder if he ever played football? I’m going to ask him next time. The only men I ever knew that used the term darlin’ were Talk Show Joe (Namath) and my cousin Ray  who at one time played for the Minnesota Vikings. And the only person that I heard Ray address as darlin’ was my old Aunt Natalie when he asked her for another beer.

*I originally typed meet department. Calling Dr. Freud!

Anyway. You don’t have to call me darlin’, darlin’. Is that why I can’t stop singing this song?

 

 

Something We Can All Agree About

pipecleanersTwitter makes me sick right now and nobody cares what I do on Instagram so I’m turning to my trusty old blog to express myself. In the spirit of healing a divided country, I am opening this space for us all to come together on at least this one topic:

I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH OF PRINCESS MARKLE’S PIPE CLEANERS TO LAST ME A LIFETIME.

Discuss.

The Three Faces of PAAS Color Cups

Has anyone started a class action suit against PAAS for their irresponsible release of inferior egg dye this year? Because I am 100% on board with that.

Let me tell you something – I’ve been using PAAS Color Cups for a number of years but this is the first time that PAAS color has let me down. Below are some comparative photos of the evolution of these sad eggs over a 10 hour period:

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1. Deep even color of freshly dyed eggs.  2. The dry colored eggs were put into the refrigerator and 10 hours later they reemerged blotchy and streaky. 3. The baked eggs fared even worse – the yellow lost it’s color almost entirely and the green and blue turned into almost the same shade of neither green nor blue.

I thought it was just me but we had Easter dinner at my brother-in-law’s home and his eggs were exactly the same blotchy mess. He is fastidious about the details of presentation so I have to assume he was the victim of the same inferior PAAS Color Cup situation.

How many Easters have they ruined this year? Enjoy your profits, PAAS executive decision makers, borne on the backs of disappointed egg dying customers. They paid the price. Think about that while you’re out enjoying the evil fruits of your profiteering machinations.

I would also like to point out that the dye is not the only evidence of corner-cutting going on here. The cups themselves have devolved from the colorful and sturdy American plastic of the originals to flimsy clear plastic of the sort that they’d probably have in Soviet Russia. There was a mid-step in there of tinted translucent plastic but that probably ate up too much of the PAAS profits and some junior exec likely had to make do with last year’s yacht, so they had to go.

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I would hate to put on my babushka and line up for 6 hours only to find these crappy clear cups were my only option.  Oh wait, I put on my flip flops and voluntarily chose these off the shelf in the Walmart. I suspect Russian interference with American egg dying process. That Putin is an evil genius. Or maybe  he’s  a PAAS executive.

Pump

I made a mistake this week and chose form over function. Which is nothing new for me. In fact, it’s my default mode. But you’d think I would have known better this time.

When we moved into this house, it already had  a super fancy kitchen faucet that had a retractable sprayer but also 2 (two!) motion-detecting sensors that automatically started water flow. That sounds like a good thing, right? That’s what we thought and we were thrilled to be living in modern times. But 2 out of 5 times we go near the sink, we receive unwanted wetness. We laugh about it and call that faucet “the enemy” and have developed some weird approach movement patterns to try and stay dry.

So you would think I would have known enough to resit the urge to get a dish soap dispenser activated by an electronic motion detector. But no. And guess what’s happening now.

enemy

Yes. Little 1/2″ pools of emerald green dish soap slobbing up the countertop. And that’s now when it’s in its permanent spot. During the short trip from the counter where I unboxed it and filled it up to the resting spot next to the tap there were at least 6 surprise dispensing incidents.

It looks good, though right? Unless I go broke from excessive dish soap purchases, I think I’m going to keep it. Expect kvetching!

 

Number 9 Number 9 Number 9

ddThis is not the main reason that I’m moving to Florida, but I have to tell you that one of the heretofore unrealized benefits of doing so means that I no longer have to scroll through the drop down when selecting my state on the internet.

Maybe that’s not a big deal to you. If you live in Arizona or California, you’ve probably never even thought about it. But I’m telling you – this is big for me. Mostly because of the trauma I had to suffer in childhood because my last name started with a Y. Let me tell you something – elementary school would collapse in upon itself if it had to give up doing things in alphabetical order.  I cannot and will not recite the indignities heaped upon those poor little lambs of us that had to line up in alphabetical order. Let me just give you two fragments of dialogue from unsympathetic teachers:

  • “Sorry! No chocolate milk left! You can have the white if you want it. “
  • “So, they’re broken. so what? They’re still the same colors and when you’re done with your picture, no one will ever know that you had to use broken crayons.”

(Isn’t what an awful message? FYI – the chocolate milk costs 1c more than the white. Do you think I ever got those pennies back? It was a bad bad day when both of those things happened  – swindled out of my pre-paid chocolate milk PLUS living through the anxiety of eyeing up the condition of the crayon boxes as the line moved forward and realizing that the new boxes were going to go to kids that couldn’t even draw. THEN the utter lack of teacher interest in my plight. No wonder I’m so screwed up.)

And then, to spend the whole of my internet life in New Jersey, where you must scroll though a 1990s style list to find the state name to select. And that brings me to my real gripe here: why has there been no advancement in technology since the state selection drop down was invented? I’ll tell you why – because it’s available and it works well enough. Never mind that people who live in states that come after Iowa would like a little break once in a while. It’s 2016! Move along. Program something that will show a list of state abbreviations as you start to type the first letter into a text box.

But noooooooo. That apparently is too much trouble. You would think that the Microsoft people who are headquartered in WASHINGTON for heavens sake would have thought this up by themselves.

So anyway, Florida – in the top 5th of the state list by alphabetization. I deserve this. Envy me if you must – I understand.

Also, I am going to be one of those people who sends out v annoying Florida-themed Christmas cards  this year. I was thinking  this:

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but Sami will never go for that. He can’t even tolerate cards that don’t reference the religious meaning of Christmas even if they have decorated trees, snowmen , cardinals, stockings etc. on them. I’ll never get him on board with this. The pre-made selections that I’ve been able to locate so far are pretty boring , let me tell you.  Santa in shorts, trees decorated with shells and starfish – that kind of thing. (Unless once I get down there and the stores are filled with a plentiful selection of interesting Florida-themed Christmas cards?).  Otherwise I am going to have to photoshop up an anthropomorphic orange in a Santa hat to use as our card this year.