In Which I Learn To Chant DUVAL!

Much to my own surprise, I am totally wrapped up in the Jacksonville Jaguars.

It started last year when I was a dinner guest at a fancy club. It was cool weather so I was wearing my very elegant Dennis Basso Cheetah faux fur leopard jacket from QVC and some chatty (drunken) man came up to me and complimented me on my team spirit. Really, you should see me in this thing. I look sensational. I had no idea that he was talking about the local pro ball team but I took the compliment and in return gave him the wildcat scratching air sign , which I learned from Wayne Newton.

Anyway, flash forward to last Sunday when I could hardly get into the supermarket because there were more people there than my last 5 visits put together and 80% of the shoppers were male.  At noon, all of the wings, ribs, chips etc were shopped clean but this was the first time I ever saw the trays of prepared foods in the cold deli case scraped bare. The light bulb slowed tuned on as I put 2+2 together and realized this was why my local FB page was burning up with people looking for viewing parties. Aha. Football. Sacksonville. 

I have another connection to the Jags. When my son was 10 or 12 I bought him one of those big puffy jackets – what were they called? They were all professional sports teams ,maybe just football? and his was the Jacksonville Jaguars. They must not have been much a of team then because it seems like the Dallas Cowboys dominated the puffy jacket market. So pretty sure that makes me a legit long time fan.

And so today I knew  enough to stay away from the supermarkets. I have the Jax vs NE game on but without sound because I cannot stand the suspense and I’m getting totally wound up by the Jax vs NE twitter stream. I will say from my position as a newly minted professional football authority that I totally get why people think the refs make call that favor New England. Gawd.

This is nerve wracking.

 

 

Thank You, Ricky Ricardo

Ricky Ricardo was mean. If you watch a few I Love Lucy reruns in a row, you can see the pattern:

  • Lucy does something elaborately sneaky
  • Ricky finds out and gets mad
  • Ricky schemes with Fred Mertz to do something extremely humiliating to Lucy
  • When it’s over, Lucy sends the look of love to Ricky and gives him a hug and kiss

So Lucy acts goofy to achieve a positive outcome and Ricky retaliates with the intent to scare, embarrass or debase Lucy to teach her a lesson.

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Well, that was the patriarchy in the 50’s, I guess. Although I must say that my father was kind of a crab and was the unquestionable authority in our household but never did anything to purposely embarrass – let alone scare! – my mother or either of his daughters. (He did unintentionally embarrass us, though and plenty. Remind to tell you sometime about how he used to manage my wardrobe choices and fix my hair everyday for elementary school. Let’s just say the priority was utility, not fashion.)

So Ricky Ricardo is a character I have come to loathe. Until yesterday morning! The usual shenanigans were going on with Ricky and Fred playing dirty and Lucy and Ethel losing a crooked bet. The penalty was to serve breakfast in bed for a month to the winners . Ricky ordered orange juice, toast, bacon and basted eggs.

beBasted eggs! Did you all know about this? I never heard of it so I immediately looked it up to find out that these were the eggs of my dreams. I made them for breakfast yesterday and today and predict this is going to be my go-to for the foreseeable future.

So a reluctant thanks to you for the tip Ricky, you arrogant son of a bitch.

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p.s. Apparently I am in egg mode now. I also christened the refrigerator in the new house with the first batch of pickled eggs. Believe it or not, beet-pickled eggs are a thing sold in supermarkets here. I never bought them though because I enjoy making my own.

You know, I have to learn 3 new electronic project management systems and I’m avoiding it because my head is too full of all the things that I’ve already learned in my life. I joked that if I was going to add these 3 things, I’d have to make room by forgetting how to check the air pressure in the car tires or how to mend a sock (which I actually did to one sock one time in the 90s). But now that I think about it, I can safely let go of knowing how to make beet pickled eggs since the supermarket safety net has presented itself to me.

Publicly Supported Theater, Episode 4: American Princess

pst 4 american princess

Cast & Credits:

starring Hillary! Clinton as herself, Debbie Wasserman Schlitz as The Ghost of Flat Irons Past

 and extra special guest star  Poor Chelsea as Yesterday’s News

Adapted from the original screenplay by ABC News  in which Ivanka Trump displays  Ivanka Trump’s address at the Republican National Convention Thursday was supposed to fire up Republicans, but ended up also promoting issues that are near and dear to Democrats, including gender equality and equal pay. Based on an idea by The Guardian reporting of the universal acclaim for Ivanka’s  introduction of Donald J Trump at the 2016 Republican National Convention.

Reasons Why I Will Be Tuning In To The Republican Convention Coverage

  1. to hear Melania speak
  2. to watch social media explode with comparisons to overhyped hideola that is the current first lady
  3. to countdown how long it takes Cankles to get airtime at the front of a human bridge blockade in Baltimore
  4. to listen for the Charles In Charge theme song being played when Scot Baio takes the stage.
  5. to listen for lyrics changed to the Donald In Charge as he walks off
  6. to hope against hope that Ivana and Marla will be shown seated together in the audience
  7. possible opening film sequence The Man From Mar A Lago, because irony
  8. to enjoy the little baby progs screw themselves into the ground over unindicted potential candidate Clinton

No particular order here. so much to enjoy about this. I do hope that the Donald has his own paid security team that can bust out the moment the government-provided troops fall back. I mean, he’s a New Yorker. – surely he’s seen Serpico?

 

P.S. Hey, looks like Trump is good for business even before he becomes president . U.S. TV networks, buoyed by strong demand from advertisers, are adding hours of coverage for this week’s Republican National Convention

Separate

[Preface:  I have a thing against popular bloggers giving advice or swaying reader opinion when they themselves are have mental disorders and deficiencies. It’s not reasonable to use your public platform in this manner. People, generally those not fully formed who merely enjoy your writing come to think of you as a role model and are very susceptible to adopting your opinions, valid or not. I include myself in this group of mental defectives even though I only have a dozen regular readers. Evidence below as I reveal my plan to spend 60 hours creating an asswipe.] 

I finished the vintage 1991 Black Ikat piece, even though I ran out of yarn and had to buy some online knowing that the dye lots (and the decades) would be different. I had a feeling this was going to happen, so my strategy was to use the vintage yarn in the center and  supplement with new yarn if necessary around the edges. That was a plan that paid off. Out of 5 new skeins, only one is of a noticeably different hue.It was a disappointment right from the start when i realized that the colors that I expected to pop against the black background were fairly dull and uninteresting. I thought this was going to be some colorful patches with incidental trim of small boxes at the edges, but it turned out to be a wild riot of confetti rings with non-colorful  color blocks in the center. Please congratulate me for sticking with this one to the end – 178 hours worth of work. When I ran out of yarn, that was the perfect excuse to ditch this one but instead I acted like and adult and persevered to the end. Maybe I have finally changed my life-long behavior of leaving things partly done and walking away. Said the leopard to her own spots.

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It’s the hot pink block top row center that has the mismatched yarn. can you see it?

Now I’ve started a small piece of simple design. It’s called Brussels Carpet based on a pattern at the Smithsonian, kit created in 1994. I’ts 10″ X 12″, the design is simple  and uses only 6 distinct colors. Piece of cake! I figure this one will take ~ 50-60 hours because the pattern is so simple and repetitive. The joke is on me because so far I’ve put in about 20 hours and only got this far:

bc p
Using the crappy Persian yarn as single strands makes each length somewhat stretchy so I have to be extra careful with stitch tension. I’m going to a lot of trouble for an asswipe.

Instead of a simple tent stitch, I ‘m using a Victorian Cross Stitch which is two crossed stitches in the same space that a single slash stitch would be.  I had to, due to the crappy nature of the yarn that came in this kit. The effect is that of tiny little knots and gives the piece the appearance of a  handmade carpet. I’ve been spoiled by working my first 3 pieces with the luscious spun as a single strand Appleton yarns. This kit came with “Persian Yarn”, which is code for three stand lengths, that need to be separated so that you can work with 2 strands at a time. Which is bullshit and was a disaster. What a ghastly, bumpy, uneven mess that was. So I ripped out the small patch I had done and used single strands  in the VCS . I believe that should give me enough single strands to finish the entire piece. If it doesn’t then I’m just going to trim away the unsticthed canvas and use whatever is left  as an asswipe.

The other issue that makes this slow going is that the symmetry of the pattern demands perfection in stitch placement .  I ripped out some parts of that rosette three times already. I’ve got to stop doing that – what looks so dire and obvious under the magnifier I use when I work is imperceptible to the naked eye. I think. The thing about ripping out VCS – because they cross over on the back side as well as the front – is that its more cutting the stitches to pull them out rather than pulling back single stitches to get to the point things started to go to hell. Which wastes yarn. So, hello asswipe of the future.

So yesterday, hot hot Sunday, stayed inside in blissful air conditioned comfort but nothing good on TV to provide background noise. Turned to BET to watch House of Payne which is a show I sort of  liked when it was in production.Left the channel on as I stitched and cursed my way through my terrible hobby.  A string of black chick flicks came on one after the other. In general, I like a chick flick as background noise – they are the perfect light entertainment.  I was struck by one PSA that played frequently for a project called DeEscalate Don’t Kill. It was the first video at that link, a general message for peace and understanding . My first thought was that the people who need to deescalate are probably not spending their Sunday afternoons watching movies about  how to balance successful careers as lady lawyers or corporate VPs with your love life or when to tell your new man that you have children. But when we got to the part where the general watching public was invited to “upload a video telling us how you feel about [recent police shootings] for a chance to be heard on BET.”, I realized that this effort  was probably not going to do much to deescalate things.

On a personal level, I’m not fan of the police. I do believe they profile to select the people they stop. I, for instance, fit the profile of a Slightly Tardy Business Woman Just Trying To Get To Work On Time and have been stopped, bossed around and ticketed for speeding many, many times. Perhaps I am a public menace but they enver tell me theya re stopping me for safety reasons. I keep my mouth shut even though I desperately want to ask them why they are not out chasing criminals or actually stopping obvious out-in-the open crimes. (Answer: because its less dangerous for them to stop business women than is it to engage with real criminals)

On the other hand, I am very grateful for police when it comes to crowd control. Republican Convention this week, flames fanned by the deceitful media  – anything can happen, including a measure of Blue Flu to avoid being picked off by domestic terrorists emboldened by the irresponsible president. Who can blame them? For all the 20 year old knuckleheads who want to riot, create mayhem and get their mugs on TV,  go right ahead.  This goes for 40 year old paid agitators, too. but people with baby carriages, young children, old grannies and physical disabilities – stay away. You can work out your rage by uploading a video expressing your rage from the safety of your tear gas-free home.