Am I The Only One That Didn’t Know This?

Guess what? Florida is the lightning capitol of the U.S. And that article was published even before the cable box at the end of my driveway took a direct hit last week.

#1 It took me a while to realize what happened, even though the exceedingly loud thunderclap did seem like it was right over my head and the ceiling fixture in the windowless laundry room where I was standing did seem have an instant of bright white light right before it popped.

#2 It could have been worse – we only lost the cable tv boxes, an Amazon Fire Stick and the above-mentioned laundry room light bulb blew out. My work laptop -which was not plugged into a surge protector -got a little bit screwed up but not ruined.

Anyway no internet, TV or phone for 3 days until the cable company got it all replaced.  We had to talk to each other.

 

There Are More Weathermen Than Snowflakes Around Here

Can we all agree that the phrase “storm of the century” should be banned from the English language?

the only birds around today are on decorative outdoor flags

It did snow, yes. And it was enough snow to call for the use of a snow blower instead of a shovel and broom, yes. But Snowmegadon, no not hardly.

Now look, I get how  difficult it is to depend on hyperlocal weather models and that forecasting local weather is more or less guessing – but this is my big beef: Why must the local TV stations continue with their plans to pre-empt the hour before the 5 o’clock news to deliver the worst possible scenarios for the upcoming weather when it is clear that the original prediction has changed?

The reason this is so disturbing to me is that Judy Judy comes on at that time – 2 episodes! And I DVR them to watch after I come downstairs after spending the day hunched over a keyboard being courteous and helpful to all who cross my path. After 10 hours of that, I live vicariously though JJ as she cuts people off, calls them morons and tells them that they are ridiculous. Imgine how disappointing it is when I scroll through the recorded list, see 2 episodes of Judge Judy and hit the PLAY button only to see Bill DeBlasio standing in front of s snow plow.

Also, as the weather people were whipping up panic about the approaching STORM! OF! THE! CENTURY!, UPS drove down my unplowed street, walked up my unshoveled driveway and delivered a package, setting it right against my front door. The weather people could take a lesson from the UPS drivers.

 

Being Cranky

Question from the comments: “Going on a fortnight now. How many assburns did you take?”

Answer: “Not nearly enough!”

 

From Our Department of Too Much Free Time: Please know that I have no bleeding or clotting issues. It’s just something that I think about a lot. I used to stop at least once a day to listen to my own heartbeat so I could tell if I was going to have a heart attack or not. So far so good. Recently, I’ve transferred that health focus to my blood vessels and now I stop to  evaluate if they are about to burst or clog up.

Other than that, I have been very busy being cranky. I spent a year in Denver last week where it was high 90s every day, interrupted by spectacular lightning displays and serious but brief downpours. I do not care to relive that week here – and believe me, you don’t want me to. Many hours were spent debating if the final word selection should be “experince”  or “expertise” –  but I will tell you about the plane trip back to NJ:

#1. My flight was one of those where they use some seats for crew going to their next departure or connecting location. There were at least a dozen United people on this flight. I know how many there were because when I got to the gate, they were all sitting in the handicapped seats near the jetway door. And they did not move when they saw me and subsequently 3 other gimps headed towards them. And they all had feedbags from various airport food places and they stared at all passersby and gimps who were looking for a seat while they chewed their cuds.

#2. I had a good aisle seat and the seat next to me was occupied by a <20 y/o guy who carted on multiple back packs, game systems, food and beverage items and placed them on the floor between his feet. Then he promptly fell asleep and stayed asleep for the whole flight. Somewhere along the line, he slumped against me. I didn’t mind that so much but every now and then he would start twitching  – more like seizing – and then wildly scratch his scalp before going inert again. I was worried that head lice were going to jump onto my brand new Land’s End Supima Cardigan. Or I would have been worried if I didn’t have $17.98 worth of gin in front of me. Fun Fact:  $17.98 worth of gin = (2) 2 oz. bottles on an airplane.

#3. The stew from First Class made regular trips back into the steerage cabin to give things like full unopened bottles of water and warm cookies to her pals among  the crew members seated there. The crew was  scattered all though the plane so it was obvious to all paying fliers what was going on. No pretense was made nor effort to be circumspect about it. Just brazen insider advantage. Check your privilege, United crew with connections to the good stuff! Or at least make some small effort to hide it.

I have other complaints hardly worth mentioning okay I will mention them the TV controller in my seat was broken and I was in the mood to watch trash tv while sipping on $17.98 worth of gin and also there was an entire troop or whatever you call it of Eagle Scouts on the plane who were the very opposite of helpful to mature business women with bad knees.

The end of the evening was remarkable in that I am still alive. My cab driver was a young guy who was in a rush to meet his friend “before the store closed” so the trip down the parkway was done at 85 mph for the most part with bursts up to 95. One minute I was standing at the baggage carousel in Terminal C and 20 minutes later, I was at my own front door. The trip usually takes 35-40 minutes. I had to ask him to slow down, which he kindly did – to about 78. The most exciting part was when he scared himself as we flew over bumpy pavement patches and he confided in me that he thought the tires were going to blow and that’s why he switched lanes back there and if they did blow it wouldn’t have been his fault it would have been the fault of the cab company who gave him a van with tires that could blow.

Anyway, I’m back home working like a dog on a soft chair in an air conditioned room. I also went to a dinner dance on Saturday night where I limped across the dance floor once or twice, made my husband leave early against his will and then grabbed an extra  party favor on my way out the door.

 

First Snow

To me, there’s nothing more lovely than the first snow of the season. To be warm and cozy inside and watching those first gentle flakes fall is something I look forward to every year. It’s hard to get a good photo of my bedroom window view because when the uncovered window panes let in so much brightness, the iphone camera adjusts for that lighting level and then the interior looks dark.

Oh, did I mention that I bought a rose-covered arm chair that I found on Craigslist for $20? The original listing was for $50 and I contacted the seller then but I guess he didn’t know how to check his mail because the price dropped down to $35 then $20 and finally he wrote back to me to say he’d give it to me for free if I came to pick it up by the weekend.

When I went to see it, it was so perfect for how I envisioned the bedroom that I overlooked my longstanding ban on purchasing used upholstered furniture and went with it. I’m a firm believer – you might even say devotee – of reusing previously owned items but not so much a fan of bed bugs and carpet beetles. But I wanted this so I went with my lustful gut and ignored my own common sense. Whatever! So far, so good.  It felt wrong to take it for free so I gave the guy his last listed Craigslist price and everyone was happy.

The seller was about to get married and was blending furnished households with his fiance so he was in a rush to just get rid of stuff. (He should have just put everything he owned out at curbside because you know she will eventually rid of all of his stuff anyway. Word.) If I had the need, he would have given me some high class wrought iron bar stools and a beautiful barnwood plank and iron console table from Pottery Barn. This chair was from Domain  and its clean, shows no wear and still has the arm covers. I bought it to use as a reading chair in the bedroom because whenever I try to read in bed, I just conk out and keel over to the side.

The chair is big and smooshy and so comfortable that I’ll probably fall asleep in it faster than in bed so I don’t know that I advanced myself here. I brought up a green velvet cushion from the parlor sofa to try and keep myself more upright. Your book suggestions were so good that I’d like to stay awake long enough to actually read them.

Wasn’t this a great find?

Nature

The Weather Channel app for iPhone is now so cluttered with ads and videos and pollen counts etc that I find it very annoying. I was looking for something much more simple when I came across Yesterday’s Weather.

It is perfection. At first, I thought it would be perfect for Sami because all he ever wants to know is what kind of jacket should he take with him, but the more I looked at it, the more I realized that this is what I’m looking for as well. It’s like finding out about the weather from your mom.

In other nature news, the skies are suddenly full of carnivorous birds. You can hardly look up without spotting a red-tailed hawk. Driving along Rt 80 is like going to The Hawk Show. There was a very big fallen bird on the shoulder of the road when I was winding my way through the Delaware Water Gap last weekend and a band of about 8 red tails kept diving down to snatch off pieces of it despite the stream of cars right next to it. I even saw two turkey buzzards flapping up from the road side farther into NJ.

My most frequently spotted birds, though are the stupid Canada Geese that hang around my office parking lot. I wouldn’t be opposed to witnessing a little blood and guts if they were hawks instead. At least you’d see some good air shows. 

On second thought, maybe not.