Say Hello To My Leetle Fig

Have I mentioned that I’m a fig farmer now? Yes. This is my orchard:

patio fig farm
It’s a bit difficult to make out the mighty trunk of my “fruiting size” fig tree so I have helpfully outlined it for you. Ditto the leaf buds.

That’s a 5-foot tall Brown Turkey Dwarf Fig tee. “Fruiting size”. It arrived with bare roots, tiny leaf buds and the top 5” snapped off and left dangling.  I was expecting something different – leaves, at least but that’s what I get for ordering online from a specialty nursery. They probably thought the buyer was someone who knows what they are doing. I do not. Obviously.

At best, Sami is indifferent to my planting schemes;  at worst, opposed.  But he is very invested in the idea of home grown figs. This tree is supposed to be “fruiting size” so fingers crossed that it produces at least one ripe fig this year so that he can pick it himself and eat it while it’s still warm from the sun shine.

I have great hopes for this little tree. In fact, I have plans for an actual fruit farm this year.  A little faux farmette that will allow me to pretend that I have an idyllic life – a place to escape the responsibilities of my real world.  It’s going to be the Petite Trianon of Fernandina Beach, created for the leisure and pleasure of Suzette Antoinette1. Only my retinue2 will be allowed inside. Anyway, what with things being as they are (official senior citizen status, bum knees, generalized laziness, the Gemini tendency to start things but not finish them), I recognize that it would be unrealistic for me to take on actual in-the-ground gardening, but I do believe that I can manage dwarf things in pots within the perimeter of the little world I have created for myself here inside the pool screen.
Also, I’m not interested in coming face to face with a lurking snake. The lizards give me worry enough.
Here’s what I have planned:
  • dwarf fig tree
  • dwarf lemon tree3
  • one pineapple
  • pots of herbs:
    • parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, chives, mint
1 Fun fact: Antoinette happens to be my real middle name. Destiny!
2 Stedman.
3 I have come to the conclusion that the Meyer Lemon is a bullshit lemon.  Who wants a sweet lemon? That is not the quality I am looking for in a lemon. I think I’m going with a Eureka Lemon tree this time – the description of its fruit is “extra-puckery”.  Now we’re talkin’.