Biggest take-away from the royal wedding of Harry and Meghan:

no hairspray

The same short-sighted attitude that demonized DDT and resulted in a proliferation of deadly mosquito-borne diseases that killed thousands of babies and children is responsible for the modern bias against hairspray. This is one of the wedding pictures that is going to live forever. A perfectly orchestrated event micromanaged down to the last detail, ruined in the final hour by unruly stranglers. The hairdo actually started raveling at the back during the ceremony. The shame is that could have so easily have been prevented by a few extra blasts of TIGI Bed Head.

However, that is not the most distressing image from the wedding. I realize not everyone is an advocate of hairspray to the same degree that I am and the above paragraph might not resonate. Here’s something that we all can relate to:

The look of love, Hollywood-style.

People, the woman is an actress. She maintained that perfect love stuck expression way way longer than your average everyday bride/woman in love. Those of us who have stood at the altar through a long ceremony will remember that at some point we were thinking I could use a drink of water or  how much longer until we CONSUMMATE?  It’s realistic to think that facial expressions might shift just a little bit as thoughts evolved.

Maybe people in the UK knew it, but the constant chatter around the wedding focused in part on how needy and insecure Harry is. It wouldn’t take too many looks like that one to convince him that this is True Love Forever. [Note that is pretty much the same expression she maintained while staring at the American bishop throughout his stemwinder of a sermon.] Now stick with me for this next part:

Hey beybee – wanna see if we can “pass go” after this is over?

At a time when the monarchy needs a more modern image, before the long reign of Elizabeth II comes to an end and the lack luster Rich Uncle PennyBags ascends to the throne at the side of his unpopular companion, who should come along but the perfect adrenaline injection in the form of a bi-racial, divorced, America actress!?

Apparently it is a given that nothing gets by the old Queen. All the smirking about how she and Phillip were gobsmacked by the scenery-chewing black bishop are just chatter – she knew and approved. So I have to ask the question – was this whole very coincidentally convenient “love match” orchestrated   by the royal powers that be? Was there a global search for the ideal partner in this scheme and lucky Meghan was the best candidate? Was the deal you’ll have all the wealth luxury and  extraordinary privileged  that goes along with being Harry’s wife in exchange for convincing that poor dumb bastard  that he is loved, and will be happily married? Was that it?

So now the talk around the monarchy is no longer what moochers on the tax payers they are or how out of touch their anachronistic ways have become has changed to how hip and trendy and open-minded they are. How the monarchy now is a closer representation of the people they serve. Nicely done, your majesty.

Gawd, I hope she really loves him.