Mystery Creek Theater S02 E03

Things have been happening in the creek. Not wet things. Just mysterious things. There’s no point in a slow build-up to the revelation – let’s just get right to it, shall we?

The creek workers have planted trees in the creek bed where the actual creek should be.

gold arrows = mystery sticks 
pink arrows = mystery sticks X one billionty

Now I ask you – what was/is the plan here? Were these trees part of the original landscaping plan? If yes, then how were they planning to plant these if the creek was full of water? If no, then what? Are they hoping for lush vegetation growth to hide the fact that the town floated a bond so that the taxpayers could pay for a fancy schmancy creek that never has water in it?

Did I mention that on Easter, the yahoos on the other street – the ones who filled the pre-revison creek with battered wooden rowboats and the skeletons of discarded Christmas trees – climbed down into the creek bed to shoot golf balls down it’s length? They are not going to like what the trees are doing to their fairway.

Here are some other oddities which can be clearly seen when you click to enlarge the above image:

  • The gold arrows point to sticks that have been jammed into the ground – open field, creek banks and directly into the gabion. I suppose they are rooted cuttings, but … of what? They are spaced about 24″ apart on the creek bank so I suppose they are not trees. Then again they may have jammed 10 trees into a single hole in the creek bed so who knows?
  • The pink arrows point to those same sticks jammed vertically into the edge of the (former) backyards abutting the creek. A thick layer of extremely spongy sod has been placed over 2/3 the length. Cannot even imagine what this is about.

Mr. DeMille, we’re ready for our close-up:


So … trees or shrubs? If they’re trees, they jammed 10 saplings into one hole. If they’re shrubs … why are they planting shrubs in the creek bed? They seem to be partnered with the torrent abatement boulders so are they meant to be something in the water flow scheme? All I can say is if these are trees, why didn’t they put them in the empty field where the lookyloos stand with their dogs and stare at me?

Mystery Creek Theater S02 E01 – “You Wanted a Creek, Here’s Your Creek”  Hilarity ensues when the  faulty design of the creek revision results in a pressurized underground dam. Where did the water go?  Tune in to see non-stop sump pump action in Suzette’s basement.

Mystery Creek Theater S02 E02 – “Kiss Your Topsoil Goodbye” Plan B to reroute the creek water involves digging deep trench from the corner of Suzette’s basement along side the property line and out into a catch basin in the cul-de-sac. Christmas is coming so the creek workers knock off for the season, leaving only a quarter acre of mud and ruts to remember them by. See ya (see ya wouldn’t wanna be ya) in May!

10 thoughts on “Mystery Creek Theater S02 E03”

  1. Thanks for the update. As I recall the creek didn’t have water even when Sandy blew through?

    Did you go see Obama in Asbury Park today? He might have helped ya 😉

  2. I’ll bet the pink arrowed sticky things are to slow down the creek so it doesn’t wash away the “edges” of the bank and the yellow arrowed sticky things are to anchor the slope until the various roots take hold…perhaps that’s what’s up with the shrubberies within the creek bed too.

  3. After the initial fiasco, I was sure the engineer was drinking to excess. I think I was wrong. The engineer must be eating peyote buttons and huffing freon.

  4. The sticks indicated in pink are there to catch dirt and silt coming downstream and “naturally” build up the bank. The sticks indicated in yellow are there to grow vegetation among the rocks. This is referred to as “bioengineering” because “hopeful guesswork” does not sound like money well-spent.

    I’m guessing these are willow cuttings or similar hydrophilic species.

    1. Thanks for the explanation. How ironic that the only moisture this creek will ever see is when rain falls directly into it or if our neighbor’s swimming pool springs a leak and chlorinated water cascades down the gabion.

      It certainly does seems as though this project was mortally over-designed – more suitable to handling a tributary of the Delaware River than storm drain runoff from 2 streets on higher ground. If only the engineer had bothered to come look at it …

    1. THIS is an explanation I can live with. From now on I will imagine my perimeter defense line fending off fat groundhogs trying to come up into my yard to eat delicious perennials.

  5. […] who came back? The adult yahoos from the house behind us! Remember when they went down into the creek last year to drive golf balls? Well, they came back and brought young teen yahoos, small boy yahoos and one slightly-built yahoo in […]

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