The left, the media, the Obama campaign are in complete meltdown about Clint Eastwood’s gutsy call last night. I predict return fire in kind at the DNC convention next week. Possible vectors of retaliation and their stage props:
Alec Baldwin – Stands at podium and pulls out cellphone. Punches in random phone numbers, leaves VMs informing citizens they are rude thoughtless pigs. Switches to Words With Friends, refuses to get off stage.
…
Jane Fonda – Large anti-aircraft artillery gun rolls across stage with Jane sitting astride it. Gun turns to point towards DNC delegates, blasts out a shower of food stamps. Crowd goes wild. Fonda uses slick maneuver that starts out as Black Power salute then devolves into Tomahawk Chop.
…
Perfesser Cher – Rides onto stage on pinto pony. Pony shats. Pony doesn’t care what anybody thinks about that. Unintentional metaphor. Exit.
…
Bill Maher – Comes onto stage flanked by 2 armed guards holding canvas bags with dollar printed signs on them. Sets fire to money bags. Better use of currency than $1M donation to Obama SuperPAC.
…
Dancing Vaginas – A chorus line of dancing vaginas shuffles in from stage left. Each vagina is wearing a press pass that identifys them as “Chris Matthews”. In the spirit of Johnny Bravo, Ronald McDonald and the Easter Bunny, the actor wearing the suit is not important – it’s the vagina suit itself that is the celebrity. Voiceover by Sandra Fluke describing tap steps: touch ball change. touch ball change. repeat ad infinitum.
The best part will be when they paste peanut butter to the roof of Biden’s mouth while he stands in front of a disconnected mic as a speech composed of digitally combined Biden-bites plays to the audience.
I’m so glad to be a Republican today. And every day, but especially today.
This is what I imagine the DNC will look like after the “Not Dreamy Enough” RNC. It stars ONJ as Chris Matthews. I think the Dancing Vaginas would also be there:
Out of the park!
I liked the jane fonda suggestion best. Gun shoots food stamps!!
They’re going to have to get a ‘mystery’ speaker, too. My guesses:
the rotting corpse of BinLaden
Lady GaGa in her meat dress
Fidel Castro
the entire cast of Glee
Oprah and Al Gore singing a duet
Oprah and Al? Please God! Don’t let it happen!!!
What’s with the Lefties and wearing costumes? We saw a lot of that during OWS. (Remember OWS? It was huge in 2011, before O needed contributions from the silk hat and spats-wearing, masses-tredding, working class baby-eating plutocrats.)
OK, you may see the occasional Uncle Sam at a GOP function, but – deep down – do these people really think we want our lives run by people who took Conceptual Theatre in college instead of training in a useful skill?
Well, yeah, I guess they do.
I like the costumes better than when they just go nude. Especially now that a great many lefties are left overs.
FYI, I linked this post. Don’t expect any readers; I don’t have any.
Well, you got one reader from Buttercup’s link!
HAHA! Everyone’s a smart alec!