Next Week At The DNC

The left, the media, the Obama campaign are in complete meltdown about Clint Eastwood’s gutsy call last night. I predict return fire in kind at the DNC convention next week. Possible vectors of retaliation and their stage props:

Alec Baldwin –  Stands at podium and pulls out cellphone. Punches in random phone numbers, leaves VMs informing citizens they are rude thoughtless pigs. Switches to Words With Friends, refuses to get off stage.

A-B-C. A-Alec, B-Baldwin, C-Comb that hair.

Jane Fonda – Large anti-aircraft artillery gun rolls across stage with Jane sitting astride it. Gun turns to point towards DNC delegates, blasts out a shower of food stamps. Crowd goes wild. Fonda uses slick maneuver that starts out as Black Power salute then devolves into Tomahawk Chop.

Let’s talk about distant uncommunicative fathers.

Perfesser Cher – Rides onto stage on  pinto pony. Pony shats. Pony doesn’t care what anybody thinks about that. Unintentional metaphor. Exit.

“Both sides were against me since the day I was born.” Shorter Obama: “Hey that would make a good central theme!”

Bill Maher – Comes onto stage flanked by 2 armed guards holding canvas bags with dollar printed signs on them. Sets fire to money bags. Better use of currency than $1M donation to Obama SuperPAC.

Maybe he should have saved this for his fair share of taxes on millionaires and billionaires.

Dancing Vaginas – A chorus line of dancing vaginas shuffles in from stage left. Each vagina is wearing a press pass that identifys them as “Chris Matthews”. In the spirit of Johnny Bravo, Ronald McDonald and the Easter Bunny, the actor wearing the suit is not important – it’s the vagina suit itself that is the celebrity. Voiceover by Sandra Fluke describing tap steps: touch ball change. touch ball change. repeat ad infinitum.

Won! Credit down gradation every little step he takes.

12 thoughts on “Next Week At The DNC”

  1. The best part will be when they paste peanut butter to the roof of Biden’s mouth while he stands in front of a disconnected mic as a speech composed of digitally combined Biden-bites plays to the audience.

  2. They’re going to have to get a ‘mystery’ speaker, too. My guesses:
    the rotting corpse of BinLaden
    Lady GaGa in her meat dress
    Fidel Castro
    the entire cast of Glee
    Oprah and Al Gore singing a duet

  3. What’s with the Lefties and wearing costumes? We saw a lot of that during OWS. (Remember OWS? It was huge in 2011, before O needed contributions from the silk hat and spats-wearing, masses-tredding, working class baby-eating plutocrats.)

    OK, you may see the occasional Uncle Sam at a GOP function, but – deep down – do these people really think we want our lives run by people who took Conceptual Theatre in college instead of training in a useful skill?

    Well, yeah, I guess they do.

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