Here’s The Plan

I’m up way early today. I’m going to make a fried egg sandwich and see what’s on TV.

That’s as far as I got with the planning.

Dog

Dog pictures, taken 15 seconds apart.

The dog lost consciousnesses while I was trying to take his picture. Scared the hell out of me but it turns out that he was just tired and had to take an immediate nap. I’m also a little bit scared of his freakish devotion to that Crazy Critter.

The Worst Thing About Business Travel

… is being held captive at the airport boarding gate while CNN spews all over you from every direction. It’s far more entertaining to watch the regular characters without the sound. This is what I had to look at all morning yesterday. It’s either Nanny Pee or that velociraptor from Jurassic Park.

Ok. It is Nanny Pee. The dinosaur had better skin.

I love how as more and more of her eyeballs is exposed at each “procedure”, her eyebrows seem to compensate by growing farther down the side of her face.

separated at birth (of the universe)

Flying Monkey

I’m flying to Atlanta today. Do you think I’ll get tornado’d?

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UPDATE:  No tornado action. Smooth flight. Arrived uneventfully and on time.

I am in the crappiest hotel on the planet. And that includes the 4 Arrowheads or whatever that disaster in Oklahoma was when I stayed there 8 years ago. It’s really more of a motel. A crappy motel. Plus, I don’t have a rental car for this trip so I’m limited in how I can soothe myself with dinner offerings. I’m stuck with a french “bistro” just off the crappy lobby. If they don’t have wine, I swear to God I am going to flip my shit. My hip hurts, I haven’t eaten all day and did I mention that I’m in one of those Stop N’ Rob kind of rooms where the my door is next to an easily accessible picture window on the ground floor and my bed is three feet from the dimly lit public walkway? If I get a bed bug here I am going to pull my hair out.

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UPDATE #2:  Quel surprise! I don’t know how they landed here in this crappy motel.  But wow! White tablecloth, small candles, fresh flowers on the table. For my first course, I had rillettes de porc à la moutarde.

house made pork rillettes with dijon mustard, red onions, cornichons, baguette toasts

I know! How did I ever live without this? It was like big super-fatty cold pork meatloaf slices! Accompanied by crisp salty things. I’m pretty sure I can replicate this with Oscar Mayer baloney in a blender*. Let’s have a dinner party!

Then I had truite grenobloise  (fresh local rainbow trout, couscous pilaf, asparagus,
toasted walnuts, capers, brown butter).  Can you even believe it? I also swilled down two glasses of French Voigne. It makes the whole crappy motel room thing seem insignificant.

*My mother used to tell me that she and her two girl friends used to have WWII-era teenage parties where they would invite the same three boys and play the radio and serve minced baloney mixed with mayonnaise and chopped pickles. The three girls** married the three boys*** and they stayed married until they all died. The power of minced baloney! Even the French know it.

**Geraldine, Irene and Aldona

***Babe, Youngy and Shanky

Stock Up On The Wine Sales Now

Looks like booze is the next area of intense over-regulation  for the feds. I’m no expert but just my minimal exposure to a small portion of the healthcare branch has me convinced that every single federal agency has the same marching orders right now: take over.

yeah. that would explain a lot.

I didn’t know who the CDC is talking to but even I don’t know anyone who “downs eight mixed drinks within a few hours, four times a month.” Do you? Maybe Snooki. Possibly Michelle Obama.

Oh, I see now that as I read through the article America Is Drunk, they are talking about young people. Obama voters.

“This is what is happening. It is critical we determine why it is happening… My theory is that Americans are on a flight from reality. Faced with painful facts—including the precarious state of the economy, the gathering storm represented by militant Muslims, in general, and Iran, in particular, the crumbling state of marriage in this country, the fact that our borders are being overrun, and the fact that our health care insurance system is in shambles (to name just a smattering of the troubles we desperately need to address)—we as a nation are drinking, drugging, gambling, smoking, Facebooking, YouTubing, Marijuaning, Kardashianing, Adderalling, Bono-ing (as in thinking of Chaz’s sad flight from reality as good), Prozacking, Twittering, and Sexting ourselves into oblivion.”

Now it makes sense.

not opposed to the occasional youthful bender