In Which the Complaining Starts

So much to complain about. On a hyperlocal level, let me go on the record to say that mothers of small children annoy me very much.

I was rolling through the supermarket on a search for vegan face wash (not kidding) and a mother was pushing her 5-6 year old around in one of those car/steering wheel shopping carts. The kid was big and pretty crammed in there and he was totally engrossed in his video game as Mother shopped. Mother asked him to choose between two brands of the same product on a shelf. Without looking up, the kid let go of the video game with one hand, pointed to the shelf and returned his hand to the game box.

Mother was so pleased with his selection that she complimented him by singing out “GOOD JOB” in that high note/low note style so popular with complimentary mothers today. The child ignored her. If that lyric had musical accompaniment, it would look like this:

disclaimer: I am not musical in any way, shape or form.

Also, who came up with the idea of calling small children “littles”? I find that highly annoying. In the south, they make it even worse by referring to their “sweet littles”. Stop it, Mothers.

I am not all doom and gloom, though. Not entirely. To end things here today on a positive note, I’d like to tell you that I have finally located the perfect nude nail polish for me. After many false starts, dashed hopes and wasted money, say hello to the Sally Hanson Color Therapy color “Re-nude.” I thought it was perfect but after years of color-selection failure, I began to doubt myself.

But then, I went out into the open air to mingle with the GenPop. I was standing at a clip-board, signing in as one must these days, and the person watching me do it literally choked out “wait … what?” and then said “Oh! What a great nail color. It’s like it’s there and it’s not there.”

And that is how I know this is the perfect nude nail polish.

hello, perfection!

Peeves for 2020

subtitle: Welcome to Codgerville

Happy New Year to you, you intrepid old faithfuls who periodically check in here despite the very  infrequent updates. I love you!

I’m starting the new year off with the almost-required list of personal improvements that mean nothing to anyone except the authors. I’ve long ago abandoned any pretense of making resolutions to improve myself and instead have complied a list of things that other people need to do, in my opinion,  to improve themselves. A list of peeves, if you will. Not pet peeves because that would mean that these gripes are mine alone. No this is a list of what I believe are sore points for the great majority of human beings. If the offending others would take heed, we’d all be better off as a society.

In no order of importance, here they are:

Any recipe that includes the word “yummy” in the description Aside from the accepted fact that yumminess is a subjective opinion – but, really? Like we’re all 8 years old? I can’t take on everything that’s wrong about passing on recipes, especially online ones, but I can take on this one point.

Pedestrians who walk into the path of a moving car This happens 9 times out of 10 when I’m in pulling out of a space in a parking lot. Questions:

  • why would a person upon seeing a car cautiously backing out of a parking spot continue walking towards, behind and/or in front of it?
  • if a car and a pedestrian collided, which do you think would be damaged?
    • would the damage be reversed for the party with right-of-way?

I don’t know the answers to the above but I do know this has to stop.

People who humble brag that they are doing Dry January Incidentally, I’m doing Dry January. Not only that, but I started a day early so bonus peeve points if you’re playing along. It’s been about 38 hours so far and I have to say that’s its kind of boring. What bad timing to go dry because I just heard about cocktail recipe books that describe themselves a “featuring delicious drink recipes paired with wry commentary on history’s most beloved novels“.  Maybe it’s better off because it would be February anyway by the time I decided between between Tequila Mockingbird and Are You There God? It’s Me, Margarita.

Still, doesn’t relaxing with a nice little A Rum of One’s Own or Love In The Time of Kahluà sound so pleasant? The Unbearable Lightness of Peeing must be for beer drinkers but I’m not 100% certain about that. I guess for now I could content myself with the mocktail list (except for that Tang thing. Damn you, astronauts!) and the snacks. In fact starting right now, I might just call all the deviled eggs that I serve to the hapless few who have the bad luck to wander up to my table The Deviled Egg Wears Prada.  I don’t think it would be as amusing though without the alcohol accompaniment.list

 

So that’s my peeve list for 2020. It is only 11 am on January 1st, so peeves are not limited to this short list alone. I suspect that I will  have to update as the year goes on.

Once again readers – I love you. And I don’t even need the courage found at the bottom of a gin bottle to admit that.