UPDATE on Major Toilet Paper Issue

I never thought of Amazon as a resource for toilet paper but thanks to reader comments on yesterday’s post, I went right over to investigate. At the bottom of the list of available brands for sale was a Consumer Reports-style article that tested various types of papers and gave the results and ratings when the study was done.

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REMNANTS! That’s what those things are called – not BALLED UP SHREDDED WET OLD TOILET PAPER. “Lint” is a bit of an understatement when it comes to what was happening in my house, but “remnants” describes it perfectly. We have a REMNANT problem. If this issue was wide-spread enough to be considered an evaluation point in this comparison study, then it is apparent that it’s not just me. America has been dealing with an unspoken REMNANT problem.

I am relieved that this situation is not of my making and yet mournful that modern life is filled with unexpected difficulties that lie in  wait during the most mundane activities of daily living.

Make Toilet Paper Great Again

Caution: Read at your own risk. This blog post contains information of a most intimate nature.

Am I imagining it or did Scott toilet tissue used to be a premium brand?

I say “used to” because I recently opened a bale of it up and put several rolls into my bath and powder rooms. It took me about a week or so to connect this installation to disturbing discoveries of BALLED UP SHREDDED WET OLD TOILET PAPER that were clinging to me in various nooks and crannies of my anatomy.

Can you believe it took me that long to make the connection? It was a relief to discover that it was the toilet paper that was defective and not that my nooks and crannies suffered any recent change that caused them to retain things after only a glancing acquaintance. Once I did manage to put two and two together, I mentioned it to my husband and he said that he too had recently been afflicted with BALLED UP SHREDDED WET OLD TOILET PAPER but to  a lesser degree*. Furthermore, he complained that rolls of the stuff from the same bale varied in sheet thickness.

*That’s because he only has crannies and I have both nooks and crannies. Biology is destiny, people.

So what to do now? I’ve always avoided big puffy toilet paper such as Charmin because the puffiness seemed to me to be overblown and unnecessary. That’s why I liked Scott because it was just straightforward sheets of plain paper that did not puff, cushion, cloud or anything else. Except shred and hang around after their intended purpose had been fulfilled.

Also not sure I mentioned this but I think you should know that I spend a lot of my free time tracking down every available version of Witchi Tai To that YouTube has to offer. Here’s the one I most love at the moment:

 Time Machine

Man, this packing up the house thing is churning up stuff that I had either forgotten about or thought I got rid of long ago. Every dusty cardboard box is a testament to my finely honed outlet/ discount store shopping skills. I know I’m supposed to be thinning things out but I confess that I was so happy to see these again:

Back in the day when the Lenox outlet was worth the trip, I came across these napkin rings in a stack in that long, long checkout lane and snapped them up. They’re pewter, v fancy and one of them is a pretty good match for my actual dining room chairs. I thought I got rid of them long ago.

After I get all settled in Florida, come on over and we’ll have tea and cookies with cloth napkins held in place by little pewter chairs.

Moving. Forward.

Mercifully, my Florida house escaped the wrath of Hurricane Michael. The real estate agent emailed to say she drove past the house and there’s no damage from wind or flooding. I suspect the panel fence in the back got knocked over, but that is so minor compared to what we were bracing for.  And so it looks like I am going to have to continue purging and packing. I was kind of hoping for a hurricane-related reprieve  of a few weeks but that is not the case.

Who wants to spend their time working on that when I can devote myself to minor but life enhancing projects ? I call this a project but it only took 30 minutes total. And that included cutting open the plastic bags that I used for drop cloths.

The guest bathroom is a color that I’m calling “Clay Flower Pot” and it’s going to stay that way for a while. The ceilings in this place are 9 or 10 feet high and I am no longer willing to climb ladders and stretch away from the center of gravity to do my own painting.  It’s my least favorite wall color in the house but my plan is to overwhelm the senses with a riot of color and design so that the wall color is the last thing you would notice.

Just kidding! My plan is to create tranquility and subtly downplay the wall color. I’m doing this by using a plain white shower curtain*, fancy bathroom accouterments and complimentary colors for the towels.

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I’m only getting the tissue box and the soap pump. With dark teal towels hanging up,   I think that will be quite enough .

But what to do about wall art? Let me tell you something: it’s almost impossible to avoid the lure of a seashell/starfish/coastal theme when decorating a bathroom. Bed Bath and Beyond (or Bed Bath and Behind , as Sami calls it) currently has 14 different kinds of seashell/starfish/coastal bath ensemble themes. And they all look good to me! But I know myself and I know that I would get sick of that pretty quickly so I am going paisley/goldfish as the decor theme here.

Paisley/goldfish.

But first , let’s pause for a moment while I say goodbye to the first thing that I wanted to buy for the new house – even before I had a new house – the Sandpiper area rug:

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Overstock.com – Sandpiper Beach Non-skid Kitchen Accent, Rug 3′ x 4′

I loved the idea of this thing as a bath mat. Loved it, I tell you. You could imagine yourself standing on the sand while you dried off, with weird skittery  birds eyeing up your toes.

Anyway, I had a picture that I really love hanging in my office that would be ideal for this bathroom. It’s The Goldfish, which I think qualifies as a watery theme suitable for a bathroom. It just needed a little jazzing up. So I used some paper McDonald’s napkins to dab  bright copper acrylic paint onto the dreary black matte frame and ici voila! we have a coordinate. The detail on those accouterments  are tiny little coppery bumps outlining the enamel decorations. I am ignoring the fact that the orange fish kind of clash with the Clay Flower Pot wall color and the coppery frame looks a bit pink in full daylight. I’m very pleased with this whole thing.

I’m sure you’ll agree that dabbing paint onto a picture frame for a guest bathroom when we don’t even expect to have any guests (sad face) is a much better use of my time than purging and packing and actually getting ready for the move.

*I would have greatly preferred the matching shower curtain from BB&B with it’s big colorful paisleys, but instead I got a Hampton Inn shower curtain with the clear panel to see outside.  Thanks, Alfred Hitchcock. The paisley shower curtain would look better from the outside but the Hampton Inn curtain is more comfortable/less claustrophobic from the inside. What is happening to me? I just chose function over form. How dreary.

 

One Month And One Day

That’s how long until we close on our Florida house. And guess what? I’M NOT READY.  Although I’ve been steadily working on getting rid of stuff, there’s approximately one metric butt tonne of stuff left to get through.

Although we won’t be out the door of our NJ house on the same day as we close, there are issues that are giving me sleepless night now:

  • We don’t want to leave either place uninhabited, so one of us will stay in NJ and one of us will go to FL. that is not as bad as it sounds. This is how we started our relationship way back when*. We’ll do the long-distance romance thing again and meet on the weekends.
  • What to do with the dog is problematic while we’re in this temporary situation. It makes sense that he goes with me in the car on the long drive down. He’s my dog more than he is Sami’s, but as luck would have it I’ll be traveling more than usual during the last quarter of this year. Which means he’d have to be kenneled for a good part of the time. He’s not a fan of being kenneled to say the least. Which would be more expensive – to drive back and forth from Fl to NJ 2 times or to pay for a kennel for ~ 40 days out of 90?

There’s more but those are the big things. In related news, I have restrained myself from buying anything more for the new house. Well, restrained myself from buying much for the new house. I confess that I did pick up a tray okay 2 trays and another pineapple lamp.

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I tried not to buy the pineapple lamp for fear of going over-pineapples tried hard I really did! but I believe i am still within the safety zone. Now I’m looking to upgrade that plain finial. It’s not like I don’t have anything else to do. In fact, i have too much to do. Like learn how to operate an elastic drill so that I can put my new office chair together when I first arrive . By the way, have I showed you the home office?

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Take a good look because I’m not showing you a picture of my current office, but i’ll describe it for you: piles of folded laundry on the day bed behind me, a laundry basket repurposed as an annex of things that don’t have a home (jewelry box, FedEx box full of tablets, reams of paper still in their wrappers, etc.) , a brown plastic  tall kitchen can pressed into service as a wrapping paper roll holder, a desk covered in post it notes, nail polish bottles and empty water glasses. Now you know why I wont be showing a picture of that. Take a good look at the new office because it might not be too long until I’m describing this one the same way.

Anyway, I’m thinking a gray and white faux zebra area rug on that floor. Yes or no? I think yes.

*I was living in Manhattan and Sami was living in Brooklyn but was working on a long-term project in Virginia. After our first date, we talked every night on the phone for 2 hours, and then every weekend, either he would come back to NY, I would go down to VA or we would meet someplace in between. It was very romantic then – I wonder how it will be now?