As you know, I gave up political commentary long ago because the current goings-on and the people behind them make me sick, but now that Hillary! is struggling for her very survival, how can I pass up the chance to feature characters who’s very initials tell us so much about them: Ew! and B.S. ? And so, please enjoy a new feature here at Cripes Suzette – Publicly Supported Theater:
Cast & Credits:
starring Elizabeth Warren as Ew!, Bernie Sanders as B.S., Mrs. Carlos Huma Abedin Danger as The Burk
and extra special guest star Hillary! Clinton as herself
Famous Bloggers I notice that all of the more famous bloggers do this:
shamelessly pilfer material
eventually reveal themselves to be mentally unbalanced
I have my beefs with some of them but wth? They would be just as unbalanced and pitiable if they were not famous, so I choose to keep my opinions to myself.
Blogging Daily I used to do that. And it was good. There was a whole community of commenters that engaged with me and with each other. I still have great commenters but not so many. I was looking at a few old posts and I consistently drew 12-30 comments on each. That’s what makes blogging worthwhile – the feedback*. Can’t remember why I slowed down. I’m going to try and post here a little more often than I’ve been doing lately. What follows is quality examples of what you can expect.
Morning Prayer Dear Lord, Please give me the strength to stop buying vintage needlepoint pillow kits from eBay. Also the devil put before me the search term “vintage tapestry cushion kits” and now I need extra strength to avoid British eBay too because that’s where the good stuff is.
Cabbage Steaks With Sour Cream Hey, guys – I’m dieting again. For two weeks. It’s my own food plan called Mostly Aktins and No Gin Mostly Aktins and Less Gin. But do you know that gin has no carbs? And do you know that a shot of gin is only 73 calories? And do you know that “a shot”= 25ml? Who is that for, 25mls – Grandma on her 100th birthday?
Temptation I have given up the world of blogging about Gross Democrat Women (because they make me sick) but man, how much temptation can a person take? Hillary’s coughing, a crystal encrusted MOO** and now enormous first daughter Malaria heading for that all-American distillery of knowledge, Harvard University. That last one is killing me . I envision a series called “Malaria Hits Harvard” perhaps written in the style of New England Journal of Medicine articles for all my medically-oriented readers. And a sub category called “Sausage Party; Teen Ho Down in the White House”. I could work up enthusiasm for that.
*Even from the pre-BLM era thugs who commented to insult me because I pointed out the truth about world Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama.
**Who could use a little Mostly Atkins and Less Gin herself these days.
Once there was a time when I would pick up a book and read it feverishly from cover to cover. Now I have a backlog of things I want to read but couldn’t find time for them. I think it was because I was busy blogging and reading other blogs. Now that it’s almost impossible to find interesting personal blogs – or even personal blogs at all – I’m planning to get back into it again. This is more of a promise to myself than a public declaration of a resolution.
Here’s my January book:
Capote written by Gerald Clark.
Apparently, this is the definitive Capote biography and definitive is right up my alley. I was toying with the idea of finally reading the definitive John Adams biography but I think Truman might be a little more interesting. Also, I’m tired of waiting for the next installment of the definitive biography about LBJ. If there even is one. Oh, goody – there is!
Anyway, I’m picking up a book again because I don’t have the skill to make a video featuring Hillary’s face pasted onto a cartoon figure as Shuffle Off To Buffalo plays in the background. Because she is a criminal and even the corrupt Obama minions in the “Justice”department will no longer be able to ignore it. Bye Felicia.
Until today, I would have put my money on Hitchbot being the most popular Halloween costume this year. But now I see there’s going to be a Bruce Jenner As Caitlin costume. Game changer! Anyway, as soon as the Hitchbot thing started to veer away from the popular narrative of Reviled Americans Killing Adorable Robots, the press seems to have lost interest in promoting the Hitchbot saga. I have unanswered questions:
Did the corpse of Hitchbot make it back to Canada?
What was Kevin Smith’s involvement in this thing?
How did the headless Hitchbot get to Brooklyn to pose with him after it was announced that the headless but still adorable robot was on his way home via Rhode Island?
Why was the offer from some Philadelphia tech geeks to repair the damage completely unacknowledged?
Where are the copycat pranksters? Doesnt everyone have access to 5 gallon buckets, pool noodles and Playtex Living Gloves?
Anyway, a leopard print dress, some size 11 pumps, a bad wig and You Are Cait. Hardly interesting.
How easy would it be to concoct a Hillary Costume this year? One of those black and white striped prisoner suits, some chunky jewelry and a fistful of otherwise blank papers with only From The Desk of Hillary Rodham Clinton printed across the top. As soon as someone looks at you, pull out a cloth, wipe the papers and simultaneously pop your eyes and shrug your shoulders.
[Ed. note: I am killing myself with the funny here.]
And what if you had a couple of girlfriends to accompany you? A blond wig, some fake buck teeth and a set of Hulk hands – instant Chelsea. What would be a better costume for the Thelma to Hilary’s Louise – a pair of shades and a burrito bowl? Or would something that showcases her moslem brotherhood connection be better? Say, a burka and a designer bag?
I’m really looking forward to Halloween this year.
When Johnny Carson told a joke that bombed, he did a shtick that he developed where he’d pause, make a facial expession of wide eyes and raised eyebrows to acknowledge that his audience wasn’t buying it and then wait it out.
From now on, or until she flees to a country that won’t cooperate with US extradition, we’re only going to use pics of Hillary dressed in prison orange. I do think the selection of this particular hue is significant. It’s like a wardrobe SOS to her partners, patrons and protectors that the khara is about to hit the mirwaha and a little airplane trouble or a handful of disaffected youths lighting up a couple of Peugeots would be a most welcome diversion right about now.
Huma gets yanked into the spotlight on Thursday. There’s too many MBs in power to let her take the fall for her boss. Carlos Danger already did his penance and has nothing much left to lose, so he’s not really on Hillarys hook anymore. That leaves poor dumb Chelsea, or perhaps one of her questionable/convicted felon in-laws will step forward to save our gal Hilz.
Oh please let a small but dedicated group waving Handiwipes and calling themselves Wipe Cloths Matter show up at Hillary’s next public appearance. THAT would be a good joke.