Goodbye Craig Ferguson, Til We Meet Again

In a perfect world, Craig Ferguson’s last guest on his last Late Late Show broadcast tonight would be annnounced as Paul McCartney. Craig does the intro, the music plays and out walks Angela Landsbury.

I’m also going to miss the jay Leno fly. ūüė¶

 

To Quote Patty Smyth “Goodbye To You”

Some people are Early Adopters; I’m more of a Late Abandoner. You’re looking at proof of that right here – blogging went out of fashion years ago and yet I cling to it as my main platform. but this is not about the internet or about social media. This is about Bravo TV.

Bravo TV certainly never was designed for mass appeal but I did like the pop-culturey trashiness and I watched a lot of it. Wedding-gowned Bethenny Frankel peeing in a campaign bucket at the Four Seasons? Yes. 40 year old Persians getting shit faced as if they were 15 year olds left alone with their parents’ liquor cabinet for the first time. I was right there. And the pinnacle of¬†Trash TV mountain – The Real Housewives of New Jersey I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

But I dropped one show after another until only RHoNJ was left and then Bravo screwed that up, too. With few exceptions, the celebrities featured on Bravo shows are below normal intelligence level but the crew they have now are the dumbest of the dumb*. And they get that title only because Teresa Giudice is on her way to “college”.

*Too bad because this season’s new housewives are from my neck of the woods [Central NJ readers will immediately get that joke] and maybe the series would have shown some of them caught in pumpkin picking traffic along Rt 34.

And this is what I want to say because the rest of the internet is not saying it. Teresa seemed to believe that she would be spared prison time because she is caretaker to her 4 daughters. In the world of feels>facts that we live in today, the internet Рat least commenters and tweeters  Рagreed with her. But this is what I want to say: The prisons are full of mothers.

In an act of brazen self-promotion – and I’m not sure who is worse here Bravo TV/Andy Cohen or Teresa and Joe Giudice, the two convicts showed up for a post-sentencing interview on Watch What Happens Live. Andy asked direct questions and T&G gave answers¬†that¬†consisted¬†mostly of “I don’t know” and “whatever”. But here’s the thing I found most striking of all: Teresa was dressed like a nun!

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Step aside Hillary Clinton. There’s a new wardrobe messenger in town. Check it out:

  • flattened hair
  • minimal jewelry
  • no glittery eye shadow,
  • no garish lip or nail color
  • no cleavage
  • no ruffles/frills
  • no spray tan

and in the most ironic example of too little too late:

  • she was wearing hosiery.

Hosiery! To improve her image and make her more acceptable to the main stream of American society, World Famous Trash Icon and Busy Mom (patent pending) Teresa Giudice is telegraphing that she is a modest, decent woman by means of pantyhose. World Famous Fashion Icons and Busy Moms‚ĄĘ ¬†, take note.

I can’t watch Bravo TV anymore not even as post-work decompression device or as simple background noise. In summary, goodbye BravoTV you trashmonger, goodbye Teresa you convicted felon¬†and with any luck at all, goodbye MOO and your shiny bare legs.

…………………………………………………………….

You can – and you should – watch the Bravo interview. If you missed the 52 times they broadcast it since the original airing, you can find it anywhere on line. But the best analysis of what turns out to be part 1 of this interview can be found here:

7 Nonsensical Things Teresa And Joe Giudice Said On ‘WWHL’

That recap is done in exactly the spirit necessary to view anything at all on BravoTV.

Is That My Graduation Present On the Set of Mad Men?

You know,¬†, it’s happened before that I would blog about something and then within two or three days, a big name blog would be posting abut the same ting in almost the same words. It happens on Twitter a little bit I think because I don’t have very¬†many followers but still it happens. Twitter is different from blogging though because the rapid timelines make it easier to copy something, imply its your own and then it gets buried in the crush of a million other tweets.

But this. This is big. Remember this?

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Sent off to live a second life. Who knew the second life would be in Hollywood?

Now look at this. I think Mad Men bought my old luggage.

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Try to focus on the suitcase.

This is a scene from the Episode 1 Season 7 that broadcast on Sunday. I admit I didn’t catch this as I was watching but it sure did jump out at me when I¬†read the Mad Style recap at Tom &Lorenzo.¬†I taped this show because¬†they’re always so dreamlike that I need at least two viewings to make sense out of it, so I am going to watch again and if I see anyone walking around in that airport carrying a little gold train case, well …

I am more pleased than spooked¬†about this.¬† As much as I like California Pete with his floppy hair and his tennis sweater swagger,¬†as soon as I saw him I knew that meant I’d never see him in the same room as Stangl Amber Glo again. And now, Airway Harvest Gold luggage. Very gratifying.

 

Well This Should Be Good

This is not the Father Knows Best I thought I knew. First up: cultural diversity:

I don’t know where she found one Springfield Junior College I guess but Betty brought home an Indian girl for the weekend.

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I hope Fronk the gardener shows up and sings aye yi yi yi  on the scratched up guitar that he hangs from his neck on a string. That way we can get all of the smug patronizing out of the way at once. Actually, Fronk and Chanthini Ragnapali must be using the same dialect coach because this girl sounds Mexican. If Mexico is represented by Speedy Gonzales. Hollywood Mexican of the 50s I guess.

UPDATE: Cast credits for this episode reveal that Chanthini was played by Rita Moreno. (At least it wasn’t Mel Blanc.)

The second episode tackles the serious subject of the moral obligations that The Haves must obey towards The Have Nots. You can tell this is serious because it starts off very film noir.

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Margaret gets a midnight phone call telling her she won a fancy $6000 car in a charity raffle for the Springfield Children’s Home. Jubilation all around but it doesn’t last for long.

Margaret drives over to the children’s home for a photo shoot to be featured in the Sunday paper. She gets her ass chewed by an angry grubby mechanic who says things like “them that has gets” and “people like you”. The mechanic can says these things to Margaret because he was an orphan too.

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Margaret is abashed and one thing leads to another and by the end of the episode she trades her fancy Lincoln Continental  in for two plain Ford station wagons, one for her family and one for the orphanage.

And so The Haves do their social duty and grant bounty to The Have Nots. All is well in Springfield.

I’m just going to wait here until I get another message from myself

Here in its entirety is an email that I sent to myself:

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I can’t be sure what it’s about but if I had to guess, I’d guess it was about Father Knows Best. I have a lot of notes, emails and voice memos that I get down while I am doing the 6am FKB theater. I even have a draft started about how FKB uses clothing as plot devices and believe you me, ¬†it isn’t pretty.

Apparently, FKB can trigger some deep rumination if you are sitting in the dark just you and the Andersons and you are receptive/unguarded/sleepy.

Father Knows Best FamilyI’m not prepared to expound on the clothing issue right now but I will tell you one thing. That Margret is a dunce. For a person who supposedly went to state college right along side her future husband, she sure is mystified by ordinary family happenings. Whether she’s pondering why Bud doesn’t want to eat his supper or what caused Betty to come home in a sad mood, her action is always the same. She lays a finger against her face, then suddenly bites her lower lip when she develops a conclusion and moves her hand away, giving it one short shake as if she was dispensing holy water. Her eyes never vary from their steady sparkle.

I will say on thing in her favor. That is some spic and span kitchen she runs there. I suppose that’s only fair since she does spend all of her time there, save for the moments she sits on the parlor sofa to darn things. Those counter tops are absolutely unpopulated. I did observe her recently in the background while the rest of the family conversed at the kitchen table. Although Margaret is frequently spotted removing butcher packages from the refrigerator or holding a bunch of carrots, it is a rare sight indeed to see her actually cooking. In this scene, she was dropping batter into a dutch oven ¬†on the stovetop, producing homemade dumplings.

She had a big mixing spoon that she would use to scoop up some batter from a nearby bowl, and then she would transfer some of that batter using a rolling motion to a table spoon and then drop the rounded product into the pot. I myself have never made a dumpling but her casual confidence as she did it sure seemed to me that she was quite adept at it. She even chimed into the conversation with a few well chosen words without breaking her dumpling production stride. That is the mark of an accomplished dumpling maker. I wonder if she learned that at state college?

Margret. Part dunce, part dumpling expert, all mother.