Biggest take-away from the royal wedding of Harry and Meghan:

no hairspray

The same short-sighted attitude that demonized DDT and resulted in a proliferation of deadly mosquito-borne diseases that killed thousands of babies and children is responsible for the modern bias against hairspray. This is one of the wedding pictures that is going to live forever. A perfectly orchestrated event micromanaged down to the last detail, ruined in the final hour by unruly stranglers. The hairdo actually started raveling at the back during the ceremony. The shame is that could have so easily have been prevented by a few extra blasts of TIGI Bed Head.

However, that is not the most distressing image from the wedding. I realize not everyone is an advocate of hairspray to the same degree that I am and the above paragraph might not resonate. Here’s something that we all can relate to:

The look of love, Hollywood-style.

People, the woman is an actress. She maintained that perfect love stuck expression way way longer than your average everyday bride/woman in love. Those of us who have stood at the altar through a long ceremony will remember that at some point we were thinking I could use a drink of water or  how much longer until we CONSUMMATE?  It’s realistic to think that facial expressions might shift just a little bit as thoughts evolved.

Maybe people in the UK knew it, but the constant chatter around the wedding focused in part on how needy and insecure Harry is. It wouldn’t take too many looks like that one to convince him that this is True Love Forever. [Note that is pretty much the same expression she maintained while staring at the American bishop throughout his stemwinder of a sermon.] Now stick with me for this next part:

Hey beybee – wanna see if we can “pass go” after this is over?

At a time when the monarchy needs a more modern image, before the long reign of Elizabeth II comes to an end and the lack luster Rich Uncle PennyBags ascends to the throne at the side of his unpopular companion, who should come along but the perfect adrenaline injection in the form of a bi-racial, divorced, America actress!?

Apparently it is a given that nothing gets by the old Queen. All the smirking about how she and Phillip were gobsmacked by the scenery-chewing black bishop are just chatter – she knew and approved. So I have to ask the question – was this whole very coincidentally convenient “love match” orchestrated   by the royal powers that be? Was there a global search for the ideal partner in this scheme and lucky Meghan was the best candidate? Was the deal you’ll have all the wealth luxury and  extraordinary privileged  that goes along with being Harry’s wife in exchange for convincing that poor dumb bastard  that he is loved, and will be happily married? Was that it?

So now the talk around the monarchy is no longer what moochers on the tax payers they are or how out of touch their anachronistic ways have become has changed to how hip and trendy and open-minded they are. How the monarchy now is a closer representation of the people they serve. Nicely done, your majesty.

Gawd, I hope she really loves him.





19 thoughts on “Royal”

  1. I don’t know if it was orchestrated when they first met or later, or even not at all… but she is a consummate actress, one of the things I dislike about her. And I dislike her intensely. It’s not really a “she’s not good enough for our Harry” sort of thing, just… ew. Now, I’ve spoken to some ex-pat Brits who really dig her. To each their own.

    Let’s see how long she can hold that plastic ‘look of love’.

    1. Did you ever see her work on Suits? She’s not really that good. Here entire acting repertoire consists of standing in the right spot and wearing pencil skirts. This Harry’s Wife gig is the performance of a lifetime.

  2. Hopefully, there is a Royal Pre-Nup. This is Ms.Sparkle’s 3rd marriage (first one was annulled so we’re not supposed to count that one).

      1. Found it on a news search, seriously dumb, he refused because he plans on being married forever and won’t need one? The very definition of poor dumb bastard. Like that guy in Officer and a Gentleman dropping out of flight school to go back home and work at Penney’s with his new bride (because she lied to him about being pregnant), but she broke up with him instead and he killed himself. Harry reminds me of that guy, but I hope without a shower hangin’.

        1. Totally agree. Poor motherless kid. I wish them the best though. Actually I wonder how much $$ Harry actually has of his own besides a generous allowance.
          Plus maybe there are special laws in UK protecting that inbred bunch.

  3. OK. This is your best ever. Too funny and right on point.
    I guess I haven’t commented in awhile but I always read every one.
    Thanks for having me.

    1. So much to love about the wall-to-wall wedding coverage on tv. Favorite so far:

      E!’s fashion consultant stuttering around trying to describe the wedding dress and settling on ” a low neckline that shows her a little of her shoulders”. I guess it’s no longer a requirement for professional fashion consultants to be familiar with the term boat neck, or God -forbid bateau.

        1. Agree! She needed at least one more fitting. I think it was that fabric – such puckered seams! Even my 9th grade HomeEc teacher wouldn’t have let a thing like that go.

          You know, there’s a theory floating around that the dress was intentionally baggy because she’s already pregnant. It’s not me saying that – it’s comes from a cultural detective who is a former Real Housewife of New Jersey. Again , not me.

  4. I am a frequent consumer of cheap hair spray. I use it to fix “leaves” to little trees on my model railroad, and it works well to fix pastel artwork. I’ve been known to use it to fuel tennis-ball cannons. We went into a small town general store once and asked for hair spray. They asked what kind. We replied, “the most flammable kind you have.” They didn’t bat an eye, we were, after all, “the rocket guys.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s