Newsletter From The Home Office: Welcome 2018! Nervous, Depressed and Overheated

Simple nervous tension.  I’ve lived long enough to know not to make any resolutions for a new year, so I didn’t do that. Instead, I made a half-hearted sort of wish that I would be able to help myself sleep through the night in a dark room with no TV and no podcasts going on. I tried that for part of one night, and it was okay but on the second night I turned on Acorn TV and binged watched (sleep watched?) Love, Lies and Records. The issue is that I prefer to be in bed but not sleeping to being in bed sleeping. I guess I should take another stab at it. I like to say my sleep issues don’t affect me but today I find I can’t think of the words I need so maybe …

The time of unhappiness is past. I thought I might invite some neighbors around for a hot and cold buffet open house thing on New Year’s Day afternoon. We haven’t really had an open house since we’ve moved here and now it’s been 15 months so the window of falling back on the old we’re new here and it took us a while to get settled excuse is rapidly closing. Surely by now the neighbors must suspect that we are weirdos. But in the end I knew if I did that, I’d spend the entire time between the invitation and the event regretting it and trying to think of believable ways to get out of it. I do enjoy being in my house alone but I realize that now that the kids are gone and we don’t work locally, the organic networking that happens to weave you into a community don’t exist for us. I should work harder at it. Maybe I’ll invite people over for a hot and cold buffet/open house at the end of January and call it The Winter of Our Discontent party. This is going to sound really snobby and that’s because it is but most of the people – lovely people really and so polite and kind – around here cannot spell the name of their own dog so that party name might cause some confusion. Maybe I’ll just buy the Steinbeck novel from Abebooks.com for a buck and stay in my house alone until I’ve read through it. I don’t know – Steinbeck, though [sucks air through teeth]. The first thing I read from him was The Grapes of Wrath and it depressed me so much I almost lost an entire winter.

Intentionally hangry. Apparently, “hangry” is a word now? All around me people are talking about intermittent fasting. On Thanksgiving, we were invited to a dinner by one normal person whose significant other never misses a chance for an intense one-on-one lecture about the evils of gluten and another guest who only eats every 4th day and fasts for the 3 in between.  Spoiler alert: I declined. I wasn’t about to spend the biggest food holiday of the year with food cuckoos. I was making fun of the intermittent fasting cuckoo to someone who is important to me and she said “Oh, that’s what I do. My doctor told me to try fasting 2 days a week.” She reported weight loss where she had not been successful before and said it really wasn’t a hardship. Ultimately, the normal person who issued the dinner invite told us to stop clinging to outdated eating patterns and get with the modern way to eat – intermittent fasting. I don’t know. I’m not convinced, though. Still sounds cuckoo to me. Maybe if I arranged a day of only clear fluids, I’d be happy to go to seep and stay that way until it was time to eat again.

Like a heat wave, but opposite.  We’re having the first cold snap of winter here in Florida. In general, I prefer to be chilly to being over heated so I proudly tell you that I haven’t turned the heat on in this Florida house since I moved in – until yesterday. I went to the supermarket and walked past an area where warm air was blowing out of the ceiling and it made me happy, so I succumbed to Sami’s nagging requests and let him turn the heat on. I hope my eyeballs don’t dry out.

So, Welcome 2018! Lots to think about in order to plan a successful and interesting year.

3 thoughts on “Newsletter From The Home Office: Welcome 2018! Nervous, Depressed and Overheated

  1. We have lived here 17 years but do not know our neighbors. And trust me, they don’t want to know us. I’ve heard of hangry, but if I fasted for a day either my ulcer would explode or my stomach would think my throat’s been cut. Better to not test it, eh?

  2. I was, admittedly, overly fascinated with your “we’re new here and it took us a while to get settled excuse” thing. Some of the people around me are officious unsolicited-critique-giving persons, IYKWIM AITTYD, and two in particular WOULD NOT leave me alone to even park or unlock my front door with my arms obviously full of the accoutrements of the obviously not-moved-in harried panting new person. I wrote a nice letter asking a small favor — seriously small — and even offered to pay for it. No, they said. Which is fine as that cemented my decision to use the time-honored parade wave from a distance from now on. I really don’t WANT to know a person whose first comment to me, yelled from the street at me as I struggled with a 75 lb. box of body parts and what not, was “Why don’t you smile?” With a person who then added the special sauce critique, “You stomp around all angry looking!” Um, it’s called “moving 75 lb. boxes alone up and down stairs,” dude. Grab a box, will ya? At least offer to hold the door? Manners. I have them. Boundaries must be established. You train your neighbors. I have a box of liver treats I can toss, with praise.

  3. Am sure I’m not the only one who reads you, but seldom comments. I love your posts and if I had the energy to start a blog, well it wouldn’t be all that different from yours. My thoughts during an average day run from watching a newscast and wondering if the featured Newt Gingrich, has had plastic surgery, and if he’s still married to the mannequin. Don’t ask me what he said..
    Almost every time nature calls, I think about painting the bathroom, but I resist the temptation, because a half painted loo would be even more depressing, than the current icky paint color. That’s the second thought I had today, you make great sport about everyday musings.
    So take this post as a reassurance that you have probably got way more
    readers than you might imagine.
    p.s. ask your doc about trazodone..it saved me from a nocturnal life of actually finding infomercials interesting and running for the credit card.

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