I had the most enchanting encounter with a telemarketer just now.
There’s been an increase in telemarketing calls to my home lately. This morning in particular, my phone has been ringing all morning with calls from Indian call centers.I work from home so I always interrupt these things with a stern This is my business phone. Please take this number off of your call list. and that is pretty much the end of it. For the past two weeks or so, the callers then try to get me to supply my home phone number – a new twist!
Today, after using my stern interruption five times, on the sixth call I interrupted in a far more friendly tone to ask the man on the line Gee, this is the sixth call I’ve gotten like this today. Why is my name and number so suddenly popular? He apologized and said he couldn’t answer that but that I was not the only one to tell him that today. Then after politely repeating that there was nothing he could do to stop the calls, he dropped it on me: “You must suffer in calmness“, he said. He continued his sweet apology and repeated that golden nugget two more times.
So now I’ve taken down the Post-It note from my monitor that advised me to ASSUME GOOD INTENT* and replaced it with one that says YOU MUST SUFFER IN CALMNESS because that is actually my life anyway. I don’t want to burden you with work stories but on the personal front, there’s been a 50-foot hose soaking in a bin of water for 3 WEEKS on the patio because a certain someone is “going to clean it”. And even though I have begged for the entire 3 WEEKS to have it taken away from there, it remains. Instead of getting aggravated about it, I am going to SUFFER IN CALMNESS about it for another 18 hours and then get up at 5am to put it in the garbage for pick up tomorrow morning. Then lets see who else needs to SUFFER IN CALMNESS.
Also, what if I had a Sweet and Sour Chicken shred caught between my molars? Can I use a folded Post-It note to get it out? What if the Post-It note has writing all over it? Which is worse – to ingest gel pen ink or mechanical pencil lead? I have the whole poison ivy situation to keep me busy right now so I don’t need any kind of poisoning situation on top of it. Never mind, I’ll just use this Post -It plastic tab that I have in my desktop office supply carousel. Oh, look actual dental floss in my desk drawer. I’ll use that.
Also, the Chinese restaurant forgot to give me sweet and sour sauce for my Sweet and Sour Chicken, so there’s that to be calm about, too.
*That only worked for a while anyway. Turns out no one who calls or emails me has any sort of good intent at all.