Suffering In Calmness, Except For That Piece of Chicken

I had the most enchanting encounter with a telemarketer just now.

There’s been an increase in telemarketing calls to my home lately. This morning in particular, my phone has been ringing all morning with calls from Indian call centers.I work from home so I always interrupt these things with a stern This is my business phone. Please take this number off of your call list. and that is pretty much the end of it. For the past two weeks or so, the callers then try to get me to supply my home phone number – a new twist!

Today, after using my stern interruption five times, on the sixth call I interrupted in a far more friendly tone to ask the man on the line Gee, this is the sixth call I’ve gotten like this today. Why is my name and number so suddenly popular? He apologized and said he couldn’t answer that but that I was not the only one to tell him that today. Then after politely repeating that there was nothing he could do to stop the calls, he dropped it on me: “You must suffer in calmness“, he said. He continued his sweet apology and repeated that golden nugget two more times.

So now I’ve taken down the Post-It note from my monitor that advised me  to ASSUME GOOD INTENT* and replaced it with one that says YOU MUST SUFFER IN CALMNESS because that is actually my life anyway. I don’t want to burden you with work stories but on the personal front, there’s been a 50-foot hose soaking in a bin of water for 3 WEEKS on the patio because a certain someone is “going to clean it”. And even though I have begged for the entire 3 WEEKS to have it taken away from there, it  remains. Instead of getting aggravated about it,  I am going to SUFFER IN CALMNESS about it for another 18 hours and then get up at 5am to put it in the garbage for pick up tomorrow morning. Then lets see who else needs to SUFFER IN CALMNESS.

Also, what if I had a Sweet and Sour Chicken shred caught between my molars? Can I use a folded Post-It note to get it out? What if the Post-It note has writing all over it? Which is worse – to ingest gel pen ink or mechanical pencil lead? I have the whole poison ivy situation to keep me busy right now so I don’t need any kind of poisoning situation on top of it. Never mind, I’ll just use this Post -It plastic tab that I have in my desktop office supply carousel. Oh, look actual dental floss in my desk drawer. I’ll use that.


Also, the Chinese restaurant forgot to give me sweet and sour sauce for my Sweet and Sour Chicken, so there’s that to be calm about, too.

*That only worked for a while anyway. Turns out no one who calls or emails me has any sort of good intent at all.




10 thoughts on “Suffering In Calmness, Except For That Piece of Chicken

  1. Really, Internet? You can’t find anything to relate to in this post? Back in the day, everything I wrote got 30 comments. Not just me – that happened to everybody. It was a conversation, a connection. What is the holdback now?

    Okay, I don’t care anymore. I’m closing the comments here . I tried to keep the flame alive but I can’t do it myself.

    It’s dead, Jim.

    Maybe I’ll find myself a snooty community of needlepoint snobs or perhaps I can trade anxieties with some upper middle managers in Fortune 200 companies. Or I could just comment on the various recap sites for the Real Housewives. At least I’d have a chance at finding commonality there. Obviously, Im not able to foster community here.

    • Hellz Bellz, give us a minute then.

      This time next year, we may see “Suffer in Calmness” on our unrecognizable coin and currency instead of IGWT, E Pluribus Unum or even “Liberty”.

      Not that I’ll *be* very calm about it, but the suffering part started in aught-nine.

  2. I endure “suffering in calmness” pretty much ALL THE TIME!. As far as the dental floss goes, Italians usually keep the pinky nail longer than the others, which comes in handy.

  3. When they ask for your ‘home number,’ you could do what a friend of mine used to do when creeps would hit on her and ask for her number….give out the number of the local Dial-A-Prayer. (Most of these are recordings so it’s not like you’re siccing the telemarketer on an innocent human).

    I’ve been getting the scammers calling about Windows. Once, it was a spoofed number that was close enough to one i MIGHT get a call from so I answered. I wound up telling the guy he was a liar and his mother would be ashamed of him. Well, I SAID it but he only heard the “You’re a liar” part because he hung up right after that.

  4. Also, better no comments than having to delete a bunch from spammers? Maybe? I’m mostly getting spam comments these days from businesses trying to promote themselves. Of course, I have only about fifteen readers so if I even let the comments through I’m not sure it would benefit the business at all.

  5. Those annoying calls are why we had our landline disconnected last week. Those were the only calls we got on it and by eliminating it there is more room in the budget for vodka. Win-Win.

  6. Look into NoMoRoBo. It’s a free service that helps eliminate these kinds of nuisance calls, including political robo-calls. Works with most services. It has DRASTICALLY reduced the number of telemarketing calls to our land line.

  7. Hey! I just now saw this! I check every day for a new post and comment if I have even a slightly intelligent thing to say. Suffer in calmness indeed. My suffering in calmness days are rapidly coming to an end. School starts on the 15th and I hate my new job.

  8. I came from a ‘suffer in calmness’ family..No one ever yelled or threw anything..They just stopped speaking to each other beyond “pass the salt.” So if no one ever really got mad, no one ever exactly made up, either. Thankfully, most of us are chatty, so self imposed silence was really self punishment, and therefore, didn’t last long..

  9. I never suffer in calmness. If I’m suffering you can bet I’m not calm. I’m an old math teacher and I can tell you that suffer = calmness is a false statement. As for telemarketers, when they ask for my husband, as in “may I speak to Jerry?” I answer, “Nope, I don’t let him talk on the phone.” Or sometimes, I say “We’re divorced and he doesn’t live here anymore.” (I don’t believe that I owe telemarketers the truth.) Once I even said “He died several months ago.” The telemarketer said she was sorry but perhaps she could just talk to me. Seriously. And the ones that tell me they’re calling because I’m having Windows problems, well I just laugh because I tell them I have a Mac. That one is true. 🙂 blessings, marlene

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