This Is the Moment I’ve Waited For

In truth, it’s This Is The Moment I’ve Waited For Redux. Hillary Clinton is going to (re)kick off her presidential campaign tomorrow from Roosevelt Island aaand there’s going to be “airport-style security” for the event. Which I guess means that she will not be wearing shoes and a government employee will be groping her underwire.

I could spend time writing it up here but really, this picture is all you need to know:

hrc ri

That’s right: hard to get to, can’t sit down, you’re on your own to ward off summer heat complications and you can’t even blast off an airhorn when she starts droning about being a champion for everyday Iranians. Oops I meant Americans..

No word on how Hillary is going to get on or off the tip of that little island without mingling with the little people, but my guess is this: she’s going to arrive by specially commissioned boat with a clever yet meaningful name (the Eleanor Rowsavelt?  the Jackie Row?) surrounded by an honor guard of tug boats shooting up streams of water like they do when a new ocean liner sails into NY Harbor for the first time. Imagine it: the crowd awaits. Tug boats slip up next to FDR Four Freedoms park unnoticed until they commence synchronized spraying. A luxury speedboat moves forward and emerges from the spray and there’s a dewy Hillary standing on the bow, just like Barbra Streisand when she was chasing after Nicky Arnstein.

IN FACT that would be a great campaign theme song for Hillary’s re-announcement – an in-your-face message to the media trying to rain on her inevitability parade. Oh man, I hope no one  forgets to order two dozen yellow roses for Hill to clutch as she makes her entrance.

This is a really great idea. Two boats the (the Tag A Long and the Oval Orifice) flanking but slightly behind America’s Mom – Chelsea on the right dressed up in yellow rubber like the Gorton Fisherman but handknit by Oscar de la Renta on his deathbed. BJ Clinton on the left wearing a raincoat of another kind. Carlos Danger alltogether without rubber. Huma signaling her brothers by semaphore flags that no one is watching the Statue of Liberty.

How would she get off? – I don’t know. Maybe she’ll slip quietly underground for an exclusive donor’s dinner in the maintenance bunker. Or maybe a sparkler-bedecked platform will lower her into the water – a la Esther Williams – where you should excuse the expression Navy Seals await to swiftly bring her back to the surface while the tug boats start up the spraying again to divert the eye.  And to think I started this post planning to speculate on why no one has ever seen Hillary’s toes. But then …

dogs of war

 

In other news related to America’s royalty, it looks like irrelevant American Princess Caroline Kennedy has been recruited to carry water for Obama’s failed trade agreement:

99

Honey – your dad, JFK, was also for sharing sex partners with his father and brother so sit down and shut up.

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7 thoughts on “This Is the Moment I’ve Waited For

  1. If I am ever able to pick myself up off the floor, maybe I can think of something to say. But how can anyone outdo the inimitable Suzette?

  2. Is that going to be a luxury speedboat like Marco Rubio owns? The horror! And Hills’ shoes are way to short and narrow for her feet. The toes should not be showing. Isn’t Princess Caroline K. in Japan these days. Wonder is she has learned a few words yet?

  3. Yay Suzette the Hillary watcher is BBBAAAAACCCCKKKKK! Love the images of the family and the various rubber fashion statements.

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