Here’s My New Thing

You know those things you read where someone has calculated how many cumulative hours a person spends across the span of their lifetime sleeping or yawning or taking the outer wrapper off of individual rolls of toilet paper? I would like to put in a request for someone to study how many cumulative lifetime hours a person spends trying to open stubborn lids on glass jars of pickles, peppers, beets and so on.

00070796601484_fullReally, I’ve had it with these things. My usual method of dealing with this is to:

  • #1 Approach the task with a good attitude, expecting a positive out come.
  • Bang on the bottom of the jar with my balled up fist to break the vacuum.
  • Make one or two hearty attempts to open the jar barehanded.
  • Use my OXO jar opener to twist the lid off.
  • Bang my OXO jar opener around the edges of the metal lid.
  • Run the lid/jar connection under hot water.
  • Repeat both the barehanded and the OXO attempts at opening.

The old me would run through that sequence twice and then just give up and live my life without pickled peppers. The new me refuses to be defeated and has come up with a fool-proof method for success.

I stab the lid with a screw driver.

Straight down right in the center of the lid. And not one of those slim pink lady screw drivers, either. I mean a big regular right out of the tool box yellow and black handled flat head screw driver. It makes a neat little puncture, the vacuum is released and the lid turns easily off of the jar. The only unwanted side effects are that (a) you won’t be able to reuse the lid/jar combo after the stuff is all gone and (b) your husband WILL NOT will not stop bringing it up. Maybe that’s just MY husband, who has his eyes on every jar/lid that comes into the house. He plots their second life before the jar is even opened – even if its opened in the traditional, less dramatic fashion.

Screw driver in the air/just don’t care. I will never be slave to a factory- sealed jar of condiments ever again.



9 thoughts on “Here’s My New Thing

  1. Take the non-business end of a big butter knife and tap all around the outside rim of the lid. Works most of the time to break that seal.

  2. I swear when my wrists give out, I’m going to die of starvation with a headache (childproof caps on Tylenol) and bad breath (Listerine is my latest cap foe). I’m glad I discovered the spoon trick on Gerber baby food jar lids before my babies starved. #FirstWorldProblem

    Merry Christmas Suze !

  3. Thanks for the screwdriver tip. I just bang the lid straight down on the counter a couple of times. Pretty much works everytime for me.

  4. You can break the seal on the side with one jab of a beer opener. Food packaging gets harder to open ever year. I picture myself in my dotage surrounded by cans, jars and boxes unable to open a single one and starving to death.I blame trial lawyers and silly juries.

  5. I had to go to a walk in emergency clinic, after practically severing a finger trying to open on of those sealed for eternity plastic things that was encasing a toothbrush..They now seal almost Everything that isn’t in a jar in a plastic contraption that would make a great time capsule. Exacto knives are the best tools for them, as long as one avoids mortal flesh.
    I whack the edges of jar lids at a right angle to my wood cutting board, if that doesn’t work, I order take out.

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