Then They Came For The Mr. Bubble

… and I did not speak up because I don’t use Mr. Bubble. Anymore.

a study

It’s the age-old struggle for cultural dominance between Mr. Bubble and Calgon Ultra Moisturizing Bath Beads.

Again with the stupid mothers and their stereotypical parenting wisdom. Now the mothers are trying to spend their valuable “me time” bathing the children in the family bathtub. How stupid are the mothers who think that one-on-one time winding down from the busy day and gently setting the example for life-long daily hygiene habits is actually “better” for the family as a whole.

Do the stupid mothers not realize that they could make better use of their time money energy and focus by having their own relaxing soak instead of  catering to the hygiene needs of children every night? Children who are very likely to complain about bath time, having to use the SpongeBob shampoo because the stupid mother found replacing the empty Disney Princess shampoo was a disproportionate burden. And do children really need  daily bathing? Where is the research group investigating the protective benefits of retaining a nice thin layer of body oil for two or three days.

It may be time to brainstorm more creative solutions for bathing the children. Perhaps we can consider the very successful model of mobile dog grooming vans and institute community Wee Ones Washin’ Wagons to roll through the streets. No prior commitment necessary – just run out and stand at the curb with your money in your hand whenever you hear “Splish Splash” playing on the next block. That would be far more convenient than filling your own tub with warm bubbly water better used for your self. The Washin’ Wagons could discount for multiple children  hosed down at the same time – very economical and time saving.

There’s also the environmentalist-endorsed green solution of letting them stand out in the rain for a while. Could the schools shower the kids? This might go a long way towards releiving classroom over crowding. Keep them on the move between shower cafeteria and seats and you can enroll more children with less resource expense, except for the soap. Without creative solutions like these, suggesting that the stupid mothers strive  good mothering, stable families, and the ideal of the healthy, productive citizen by bathing their children individually in the home will do little more than increase the burden so many women already bear.

 

Related: To quote Little Miss Righty: #singletear or How A Professional Internet Complainer Takes Her Ball And Goes Home

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6 thoughts on “Then They Came For The Mr. Bubble

  1. I’m sure there are many mothers surprised to find their children become dirty and usually require bathing, Maybe drug manufacturers can focus on this emotional trauma and develop a medication that makes the task more bearable. That, or genetic modifications that allow children to shed their skin every evening at a prescribed time.

  2. The skin shedding idea has possibilities. Like a spray tan only it peels off. This opens up opportunities for applying other beneficial medications as well. Keep those little time suckers sedated. Mom has needs.

  3. Yet another insidious step in the Tyrannical Government Plan to disintegrate the family unit. Let the Peoples’ Cleansing Facilities soak the children in the Federally Approved, pharmacologically augmented brain and body wash at the appointed times.

  4. Whenever I got extra-special muddy, my mom would just hose me (and my clothes on me) down in the back yard. Perhaps that’s the solution? Bonus: less disproportionate burden of washing clothes.

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