A Mature Businesswoman Sits Alone

No matter how much insight I gain into my behaviors or how much planning I do to become a better version of myself, my first instinct when I find myself alone is to “eat something good.”

The criteria for “eating something good” has a small picklist:

  1. an odd food combination
  2. a leftover
  3. a vast quantity
  4. a messy food
  5. must always be eaten in complete privacy

I am able to adapt these specifications to the home setting as well as business travel.  Examples:

  1. an odd food combination

I have been known to place a room service order for hot wings and a yogurt & fruit plate with granola. In fact, that’s almost always what I order from room service. Traveler tip: never order a chicken pot pie from room service. The thing that is delivered to you is not a pot pie and the only relationship it has with an actual pot pie is that there are recognizable cubes of chicken meat in it.

2. a leftover

Best served cold! Includes lobster from last night’s business dinner kept in the mini fridge overnight.

3. a vast quantity

Now’s your chance. Eat it up. The best is to eat it all but if that cannot be done, then at least east a lot of it.

4. a messy food

Anything that is likely to drip onto your clothes or your chin. All perverts please leave now. I like to keep 20 paper napkins nearby for these events. Then I throw them all away even if I only use 2. Come and get me, environmentalists.

5. must always be eaten in complete privacy

This lets out restaurants and other humans. Dogs are okay but sharing with them is not.

And so I’m sitting in the pre-dawn Saturday eating angel hair pasta with cottage cheese and diced green peppers while I watch a chopped down Sex In The City episode from the 90s. It’s not that good. The plot is Carrie suffers a disappointment from Mr Big, Charlotte’s vision of perfection is shattered, Miranda flashes a big yellow-toothed smile and Samantha purrs. I only like the episodes where Baryshnikov has a recurring albeit unbelievable role as Carrie’s love interest.

p.s. – I couldn’t finish all of the pasta but I gave it a good shot.

 

 

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