All I Want Is The Most Flattering Haircut for The Circumstance In Which I Find Myself*

I really wish Hollywood would get out of the hairdo business. It’s all about hair that looks like you didn’t comb it when you got out of the shower. And no variety whatsoever. So many attractive women walking around with witches hair, which they will come to regret when looking at photos 10 years from now.

Did you know that I have a ponytail now? Not willingly – it just sort of  happened due to long work days and constant weekend travel to see my nephew in another state*. No time for beauty.  Once things calmed down, my hair was almost long enough to make a French Twist which is a thing I have been thinking about. I’d like to wear it at least once in my life so maybe now is my time.

Also, I’ve been a little depressed. So not only is my hair much longer than usual, I haven’t had it highlighted since November. My natural dark blond shade is not that much different from the bright blond highlighted shade I always get, but and now I’m not positive about this but I think I’m seeing some gray hairs mixed in there. I don’t look at it too long – just a glimpse in mirrors that I pass. But sometimes the light catches a strand here and there and it makes me a bit uneasy.

Combine all this information with the fact that summer is almost here and I don’t want to be weighed down and sweaty because of a lot of hair and that means its time to give up the French Twist delusion and head for the salon. So I’m using the power of the internet to search for “Flattering Hairstyles For ____ ” Fill in the blank with round faces or mature women or whatever you want because it won’t make any difference at all what your search comes up with. I was following links around and landed on “Flattering Hairstyles for Sagging Jowls”. I swear to God – this is a big internet category for hairdos. And THIS is what came up:


Seriously? First of all, the only area that is not covered by hair here is where a sagging jowl would be. Second, if you want to demonstrate a good jowl haircut, do not use a model with a chiseled jaw line. Third, unless you are a porn star or maybe an actress in one of those fake women’s empowerment commercials that turns out to be an ad for low fat yogurt, where are you going with this?

You know what? The internet is full of shit. Check this out:


Don’t you think it would be more honest if the header said Best Glasses For Older Women Who Want to Look Like Larry “Bud” Melman ? Now ponder this helpful tip:

Linked text:  How to Tell If It’s Time for a Makeover

First sentence on linked page: If you haven’t changed your frames or glasses in the past few years, it’s time for a makeover.


I can’t take it any more. I am going to smooth out my pony tail and plant the Sweet 100s I bought yesterday. Maybe some coiffurial inspiration will come to me by looking at plant life for a while.

capital n capital o
not even for halloween

*reviving an old favorite The Circumstances In Which I Find Myself

7 thoughts on “All I Want Is The Most Flattering Haircut for The Circumstance In Which I Find Myself*”

  1. I just went super short and love it. Best description would be ‘tween “Fantine” and Britney’s meltdown shave. I think in the 50’s we called it a pixie.

  2. Yes, the alluring ‘do’s of the 1950’s women! From my extensive research in front of the teevee I would say they wore it short but classy. Think of Mitzi in S.P. or one of the Hitchcock blondes?

  3. I had to laugh at the glasses and the hair. The glasses, especially, cracked me up.

    Honey, just get a layered cut around face…sort of a less structured version of a “swing bob” with the back a little shorter. No layers shorter than end of nose, angled. This is what I have demanded recently for the jowls. Just avoid the Hillary flat look and all will be well. Or the Wintour look. Ugh.

  4. Suzette…love the photo of the glasses. I empathize and my hairdresser just does what i ask. I finally went back to a layered bob, lenght to collar-bone…have found a trick for jowls is layers, none shorter than nose, angled. Shorter in back and long layers. Layers seems to be a theme, no? And do not go too light with highlights. My hairs is curly and i look like a clown if it is short.

    Did you check out moo’s hair with Prince Harry? The bangs have changed again, and it is a fly-away wighat so she can toss her hair like a filly at the Derby.

  5. Nothing says “youth” like a cherry tomato hairdo!

    I actually used to be a hair model back in day, but damn! I never got a cool style like that. And I totally could have rocked that look, too! Hmmm….maybe that should be *my* new look…..

  6. Now you’ve got me laughing so hard I’m probably going to wake up my entire crabby family. Thanks A LOT, Suzette. 😉

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