Everything Is Going Wrong

Have I mentioned that I can’t do anything right anymore? My big plans for fabulous food this weekend are not off to a good start.

I don’t know if I ever mentioned that my daughter gave me a butter lamb mold for Christmas. I pulled it out today with the intention of making some herb butter and then possibly some beet juice butter to mold up and accompany the commercial butter lamb that Sami brought home this wee. Can you picture it? A whole flock of diverse butter lambs. Teaching the world to sing. Apple trees and honeybees.

But I digress.

The herbed butter lamb has a big pock mark on its face and now I don’t feel like making beet juice butter. I had big  plans to smash Keller’s grip on the global butter lamb market but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen now.

Maybe I’ll pretend that pock mark is a mouth and hang some parsley out of it.

In other news, this is how you have two bossy cooks working at the same time: an annex kitchen. You are looking at a FryDaddy and a FryBaby in simultaneous action:

He was planning to let two vats of hot oil bubble away on their own while he popped over to Shoprite for some cucumbers. When I disagreed with that plan, he gave in suspiciously easily. But whatever.

I thought I threw that plastic tablecloth out years ago and I would a have pitched a fit about it now except should see the get-up he’s got on do do his outdoor cheffing. He walked into the kitchen wearing one of my old scrub jackets from pre-1998. And he brazenly admitted that he found it when he was cleaning out the garage. It was white at one time but now it has various spreading stains on it from an unattended decade and a half in a cardboard box.

Two steps forward, one step back. I don’t know. Everything is going wrong.

7 thoughts on “Everything Is Going Wrong”

  1. I feel like a Neanderthal, because I’ve never heard of lamb butter. If someone had mentioned such a thing in conversation, my first thought would have been of lamb toe jam, or some accumulation of matter between the appendages of a lamb.

    I learned something today about butter sculptures and my twisted thoughts.

  2. I think your herb butter lamb looks quite nice. After all, nobody’s perfect. And I’m sure it tastes quite nice also.

  3. What’s he frying? BTW, I like the parsley in the lamb’s mouth idea. @Jess – I’d never heard of a butter lamb either, until I ran across the divine Cripes Suzette.

  4. So you got a bubble in your butter. Wah, wah. Carve an approximate bit out of his underside and mash it back in the mold letting the warmth of your hand fuse it into its face. A true perfectionist would have put plain butter in the face part (with cracked pieces of peppercorn for a nose and eyes) and let the herbed stuff look like wool. Now, aren’t you glad you’re not afflicted so?

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