For me, it’s kind of boring and empty with the constant expectation of disaster breaking through at any moment. Sometimes, when I sit quietly, I get stuck on the things that didn’t work out for me. I’m unhappy about the amount of crap in my house – some of it is mine most of it is his. I’m noticing that I no longer hold people’s (family and friends) attention when I speak. People (work) still want to hear from me but there are some days I don’t feel up to the challenge of what I have to/should do. Where I never would have been seen in public with chipped nail polish before, now I surprise my self by looking down at my hands and wondering how things got to such a state. I could have conducted myself in a more mature manner when I was trying to convince my sister to get a flu shot instead of saying she was a cuckoo and calling her doctor a quack.