All of the Crackers

I’ve been spending a lot of time with snack crackers lately.

I haven’t had a good cracker all month. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I had a good cracker. I used to be all about rice crackers but lately I find them to have very salty surfaces. what used to give a lovely snap of the Stone Ground Wheat Thin now seems soggy and sandy at the same time. Furthermore, I cannot abide a buttery cracker. Town House Crackers? Ugh. Butter flavored pretzels? No thanks.

Except Ritz. Ritz is/are its own category. Buttery though it may be, I can still enjoy a Ritz if someone puts it in front of me. I don’t go out of my way to seek one out though. Triscuits are the queen of crackers but now there are so many varieties when really there was only need for the original. Do you know how much time I’ve spent ducking Olive Oil and Dill Triscuits? It’s a full time job.

Chex Mix? No. The Chex Mix people don’t include the highly prized Cheese Tidbits anymore. Fie on Nabisco who discontinued the perfectly lovely Cheese Tidbits. In 2002, yet. Now the only option is the second best (far second) Cheese Nips which do not even get me started. Or the loathsome Cheese-its .Good God Almighty. And those six packs of peanut butter crackers. Can we all agree that they only taste good if they drop out of a vending machine? Goldfish? um … NO.

I could go for an Oysterette right about now. But I could always go for an Oysterette. I like a plain cracker, like a Table Water biscuit. Or something with visible pepper particles in it. I like to test my mettle against a hearty Scandinavian Wasabröd but leave me alone if you come bearing those hippie seaweed crackers. Really, me and crackers lately – we’re likethis. And it’s rarely a good thing.

Bread, though. Bread. Remember my previous somewhat stealth references to moderate sucess with 5 Minute Bread? Well, I’ve got the cookbook now instead of depending solely on the hipster Jezebel re-interpretation of the technique and man, does it make a world of difference.

Darlings, it’s le petite boule of deli style rye.

This one is perfect. So perfect that the Complainer-In-Chief will have to give up carping about how much room my 6 Qt. Dough Bucket takes up on the tall shelf  of the refrigerator.

the smell is devine
the smell is devine

And should we talk about my crumb? They say that whatever you are doing on New Year’s Eve, you’ll do through out the New year. If that is the case, I think we can all look forward to some steady lovin’ from the oven in 2013.

Ok I admit the crumb could use a little more work.

You don’t know what this means to me. I never had what it takes for anything involving yeast but now!

I rise.

I rise.

I rise.

Tomorrow: we’ll use the same refrigerated dough to make Onion Rye and the day after, Black Olive Rye. then a Yankee Cheddar Loaf or something containing thyme and rosemary. Things are going to be good around here, despite the oppressive yolk of government debt and choking recession  We’ll have warm bread and pride in our accomplishments and family and love and as much good health as we can still grasp and hold close.

2013, I rise to meet you.

7 thoughts on “All of the Crackers”

  1. Your rye bread is exquisite. Please post pictures of the next two also. Homemade bread is the best. Much better than crackers.

  2. Go Suzette!
    I got a Mixmaster Stand Mixer for Christmas and this year is going to take us back to baking nirvana. I haven’t had a stand mixer for the past 25 years. My older kids remember, but I raised the 18 year old without making bread one single time. She’s been a deprived child.
    Here’s to a great year!

  3. “the oppressive YOLK of government debt” I am going to take as a pun on the eggs in your bread. Unless the yoke’s on me…

    I have a very nice bread maker and I used to bring it out in the gray days of winter, until the carb fascists in the household made me banish it to the garage. What I liked about its preservative-free product was that you were forced – forced! – to consume it within 24 hrs. And that meant dipping into the home-made jam as well.

    Happy New Year!

  4. Your crumb looks OK to me. But (a) did you try to slice the bread while it was still warm? or (b) is your bread knife dull? or (c) did you not saw through the bread rather than slicing it like a tomatoe? The only thing I see is some “scuffing” (my word) rather than a clean cut. Darned good-looking bread, Suzette!

    I just requested that bread book at my public library. We should not be eating bread, but….

    I used to make good basic French bread from a no-brainer recipe by Jacque Pepin. One of the easiest things to do, and from a guy who knows a lot about good cooking and baking. (I still miss the sessions he used to have with Julia Child where each did whatever they were doing THEIR way.)

    Happy New Year and thanks for a wonderfully entertaining real-life blog.

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