We have an artificial Christmas tree that we got 3 years ago and only used once. We pulled it out this week and although it’s got only two main sections plus the topper, we can’t figure out how to put it together. It’s got attached, “fall open” kind of branches that are pre-lit. The reason we bought it is because it seemed so easy and trouble-free to set up. The pieces have been laying on the parlor floor for two days. Today we gave up. We stink.
And So It’s Come To This
Cripes Suzette 
I’d suggest you burn the thing in a Druidic winter solstice bonfire ritual, but the whole “artificial” part makes that problematic. Perhaps refashion it into a nice wreath? Or swag? HAHA!
Maybe a nice art installation out on the curb on next garbage day titled “Recumbent Pine Boughs”.
Exactly.
In this town, if it was put out by the curb at sundown, it would be gone before midnight. One man’s junk, etc, etc.
You have a parlor?
Yes I have a formal parlor because I am 165 years old. Although I did bake bread today and made a pot of soup. Maybe later I’ll make a meatloaf, so maybe I’m more 95-ish.
Well isn’t that just the perfect button to put onto 2012! You could gift wrap the tree and donate it to your least favorite Left wing cause and laugh like you think they’re joking when they call you for directions. Hopefully “Bullshit Santa” still held it together to adorn your home for another year’s celebration.
I think you should duct tape it together. The silver appearance will add to the festive colors of the holidays. Use a colored sharpy to draw little angels, and such, on the tape.
After that, find an old washing machine to place on your front porch.
I think it would be a nice gesture to place in on the banks of the new canal at the back of the house so that all the lookie loos can appreciate it. And their little dog too.
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