Hello

I’m looking at a pile of flyers, clothing catalogs and advertising circulars that have accumulated on my coffee table. These are just the ones saved because I had a fleeting fancy for one item that I might come back to and seriously consider for purchase. It rarely works out that way though. If they don’t get knocked to the floor and chewed by the dog, then I eventually scoop them up and throw them away. Is that how it is for everybody? Please say yes otherwise I’ll be crushed by self-loathing.

I remember a time when I thought the 20% off coupon from Bed Bath & Beyond was like a jewel. A treasure. Now I throw those away, too – that store has nothing I want. It’s like it’s lost it will to purvey ever since Linens N Things went out of business. Meh. Maybe its just me. I should stop by one day and buy a new potato masher from the gadget section. Maybe a new salad spinner would inspire me to eat more salad. Did you know that OXO makes a  high chair? It promotes “sitting up straight”.

Hey, want to make a good salad dressing?

  • 2 tablespoons of horseradish
  • 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise
  • 2 tablespoons of milk to thin

or

  • 2 tablespoons of heavy cream to thin (Atkins version)

or

  • 2 tablespoons of water to thin (if you’re having a don’t really care about anything kind of day)
  • the green part of a scallion, chopped

Mix together. Pour onto salad. Boom.

I recently realized how glad I am that we’re all done with that pictures of tiny babies posed among vegetables thing. Jeez that was stupid. My own tiny babies were too precious to me to ever mistreat them like that. While it’s true that one of them fell out of my bed and got clunked on his head with a (full) ashtray  and the other one flopped out of her carriage down onto the cold mud, at least I never put cabbage leaves on their heads or propped them up on a turnip while they were sleeping. And so I feel that I am one of the better models of overall good parenting.

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8 thoughts on “Hello

  1. Spouse sent me (Me!) to get some closet organizers. She ordered that I *not* go to Home Depot, but try Home Goods and Target. Same Sino-Crap in both stores. The only difference is, at Target you occasionally see another male, while at Home Goods I am the only Y chromosome in the joint. Not kidding.

    In other news, I am now allergic to wicker.

  2. O Star (the fairest one in sight),
    We grant your loftiness the right
    To some obscurity of cloud –
    It will not do to say of night,
    Since dark is what brings out your light.
    Some mystery becomes the proud.
    But to be wholly taciturn
    In your reserve is not allowed.
    Say something to us we can learn
    By heart and when alone repeat.
    Say something! And it says “I burn.”
    But say with what degree of heat.
    Talk Fahrenheit, talk Centigrade.
    Use language we can comprehend.
    Tell us what elements you blend.
    It gives us strangely little aid,
    But does tell something in the end.
    And steadfast as Keats’ Eremite,
    Not even stooping from its sphere,
    It asks a little of us here.
    It asks of us a certain height,
    So when at times the mob is swayed
    To carry praise or blame too far,
    We may choose something like Cripes Suzette
    To stay our minds on and be staid.
    -R. Frost, 1916, updated: 2012

  3. Of course it’s normal to keep all the catalogues for further review. Where else could you find all the things you don’t need all in one place.
    One must keep the special offers for magazine subscritpitons, too.
    Action is not required, only good intentions count here.

    OT: a little
    I found myself on some weird list and kept getting catalogues that offered ordinary household products until you got to page 15 or so, then the offer was for sexual aids, some of which I couldn’t figure out, because of my being old and decrepit.
    I spent some time wondering how my children would react after my death if they were to find a 10in double dildo laying on the table next to my bed. mmmm.

    • Dear Dr. srdem65,

      I thought it was just me. That my keeping those catalogs and other named stuff was my own pathology. It is so comforting to find company. Company full of logical excuses. (And upstairs we have a folder at least 3″ thick of those Bed, Bath & Beyond discount coupons because they really never expire. Never! Ack.)

      In addition to the catalogues, I keep the Sunday ad fliers for exactly one week – the interesting ad flyers, which is “most”. The stack then goes to the trash. Every bloody week.

      Exacerbating my problem is a patient husband who never questions those piles. Nor does he care where (or if) I shop for shelving or anything else. A real enabler.

      In addition to laughing myself silly over Suzette’s post, I now have had a therapeutic moment with you. A million thanks (you can keep those, too).

  4. I have the side table thing, and a bookmark thing on my computer, and a serious overage of recipies I’ll never make on Pinterest, and a pile of book catalogs at work and the only reason I don’t have old mail offers on the back seat of my car is we decided to lease the latest car and I’m paranoid about trashing it.
    I’d pin your recipies, but my Pintrest board is starting to make me feel guilty.

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