The Trail

UPDATE: I see now why  the readers were holding back. I think with submissions like these, listed after my original post, we could have our own Internet Paraodists Association. Allen Sherman Meet-Up, anyone?

3 submissions his week from wyogranny, schmed and rhoda’s cousin

……………………………………

Good morning, poetry lovers – it’s time for the Sunday Morning Poetry Throwdown. We’re picking up steam now – last week we did very well with two reader submissions. As usual, please leave your work in the comments. My offering today is titled “The Candidates”:

Hello Mother! It’s Paul Ryan
Campaign very gratifyin’.
Save the country? Well we’re tryin’!
And they say we’re gonna win not the Hawaiian.

Here’s our drunken uncle Biden:
“On the Amtrak I’ll be ridin
to a hideout ‘cuz I’m appallin’.
When they let me out I’ll get right back to y’all-in’. “

Went to London/Poland’s unknowns
Press corp bellowed like rude trombones.
They’re the lame stream, they’re the bottom
They’ll increase their biased lies once comes the autumn.

My plan’s working! Ask the  bankers!
In my pocket are the anchors.
Got half the country hooked on food stamps
Soon my fuel plan will drive them to kerosene lamps.

Vote them out – get rid of the thugs!
Vote them out – them and their hair plugs!
Otherwise we’re dead – turn the map to red!
I.D. prisoners and the dead.
Vote them out – Biden/Obama!
Vote them out  – reverse the trauma!
Otherwise it’s us run over by that bus.
Getting rid of Reid’s a plus.
Basement dwellers for Obama’s
side will stay home in pajamas.
We can win this behind Romney.
Then we’ll rejoice and  we’ll sing it like a psalm: “Free!”
………………………….
Reader submissions:
wyogranny:

SCARY

Scary is the word I use to describe
All the feelings I have when I see Obama’s foolish pride
You don’t know how many times I wish Ayre’s never met him
You don’t know how many times I wished the press would vet him
You don’t know how many times I wish that I could
Let him sink into the past where
Scary is a memory far and dim

Oh, I’m beginning to think progressives lost their grip
When this empty suit came up for a vote
Hope and change falling seas from his mighty kingship
They thought he was God, he was our dreamboat
They were freakin’ out of their minds.

I’d say Obamacare, and all of it’s what’s where’s and whys
I’d line up Palosi, Rangel, Reid and a thousand other guys
You said they’d take care of me and all those other lies
When all they wanted was to take my cash, my job
And hasten my demise.

Perish is the word that more than applies
To the hope in my heart each time I realize
That I am not gonna be the one who built my business
That I am not gonna be the one who gets the profits
That I am not gonna be the one who gets to
Choose the way I get my healthcare it’s as
Scary as your Socialist mentors.

Scary is the word I use to describe
All the groveling fashionistas kissing Michelle’s backside
You don’t know how many times I wish I could demote you
There just isn’t any way to sugarcoat you
Even Ayers is sorry he ever ghostwrote you
Into someone who could
Scare everyone as much as you scare me

And we’ll vote you out too
And we’ll vote you out too

Scary is the word

…………………………………….

schmed:

For you! For you! The One is most sincere.
The Fundamental Change he wrought is here!

A polling held four dozen moons ago here
Installed the most benevolent despot.
The hopey-change in place has got a name here:
Obamalot.

Tough questions are forbidden ‘till November.
The fawning press lines up to kiss his rear
No sterner tone will show up come December
In Obamalot.

Obamalot! OBAMALOT!
We bought a bright hypnotic star
But in ‘Bamalot, Barakalot!
Charisma’s gone too far.

It seems the jobless rate may never come down
But weekly checks will never disappear
His record reeks of rot.
He’s all they’ve really got
To mesmerize the masses till they cheer Obamalot

Obamalot! OBAMALOT!
The pundits won’t explore his flaws
But in ‘Bamalot, Barakalot!
Their blindness serves the cause

The deficit was caused by the supply-side
The taxes on the rich must be severe.
If we have all forgot
The war our Founders fought
Our kids are doomed to work for China
In Obamalot

[alternate verse that didn’t fit into the screenplay…] The aura of Jack Kennedy is sought here.
We fondly think of him upon his yacht.
A cheap façade is clearly all we’ve got here:
Obamalot.

……………………………………..

Buttercup Morgenstern

Oh tell me tell me, tell me do
Oh gorgeous man with eyes of blue,
Is 1 + 1 really always 2?
Does math work in DC like it does in school?

When I spend more than I could ever earn,
My creditors tell me I’m going to get burned.
But when times are tough in Washington,
Biden says to spend money by the ton!

You’ve got to spend money to keep from going broke,
He tells us straight-faced, no hint of a joke.
Now the rest of the Dems say we can’t stop spending
Or you’ll be cliff-side, dear Ryan, Grandma’s wheelchair upending.

The whole thing’s confusing for one stupid as I
Because I always believed that numbers don’t lie.
But it appears that on this someone’s stretching the truth.
Perhaps the right numbers will add up in the voting booth!

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11 thoughts on “The Trail

  1. Ok
    You asked for it.
    I used my favorite song and now I’m not sure I like it as much as I used to.

    SCARY

    Scary is the word I use to describe
    All the feelings I have when I see Obama’s foolish pride
    You don’t know how many times I wish Ayre’s never met him
    You don’t know how many times I wished the press would vet him
    You don’t know how many times I wish that I could
    Let him sink into the past where
    Scary is a memory far and dim

    Oh, I’m beginning to think progressives lost their grip
    When this empty suit came up for a vote
    Hope and change falling seas from his mighty kingship
    They thought he was God, he was our dreamboat
    They were freakin’ out of their minds.

    I’d say Obamacare, and all of it’s what’s where’s and whys
    I’d line up Palosi, Rangel, Reid and a thousand other guys
    You said they’d take care of me and all those other lies
    When all they wanted was to take my cash, my job
    And hasten my demise.

    Perish is the word that more than applies
    To the hope in my heart each time I realize
    That I am not gonna be the one who built my business
    That I am not gonna be the one who gets the profits
    That I am not gonna be the one who gets to
    Choose the way I get my healthcare it’s as
    Scary as your Socialist mentors.

    Scary is the word I use to describe
    All the groveling fashionistas kissing Michelle’s backside
    You don’t know how many times I wish I could demote you
    There just isn’t any way to sugarcoat you
    Even Ayers is sorry he ever ghostwrote you
    Into someone who could
    Scare everyone as much as you scare me

    And we’ll vote you out too
    And we’ll vote you out too

    Scary is the word

    • Marvelous!

      Talk about your “association” (har!) – I know just what you mean. If it hasn’t been obvious up until this point, I tell you now that I am something of a student of Allen Sherman. I cannot ever hear the Battle Hymn of the Republic without thinking about “trampling through the warehouse where the drapes of Roth are stored”

      “The drapes of Roth” made me die when I was 12. To this day it I consider it the wittiest thing I have ever heard. ❤ you Allen.

  2. For you! For you! The One is most sincere.
    The Fundamental Change he wrought is here!

    A polling held four dozen moons ago here
    Installed the most benevolent despot.
    The hopey-change in place has got a name here:
    Obamalot.

    Tough questions are forbidden ‘till November.
    The fawning press lines up to kiss his rear
    No sterner tone will show up come December
    In Obamalot.

    Obamalot! OBAMALOT!
    We bought a bright hypnotic star
    But in ‘Bamalot, Barakalot!
    Charisma’s gone too far.

    It seems the jobless rate may never come down
    But weekly checks will never disappear
    His record reeks of rot.
    He’s all they’ve really got
    To mesmerize the masses till they cheer Obamalot

    Obamalot! OBAMALOT!
    The pundits won’t explore his flaws
    But in ‘Bamalot, Barakalot!
    Their blindness serves the cause

    The deficit was caused by the supply-side
    The taxes on the rich must be severe.
    If we have all forgot
    The war our Founders fought
    Our kids are doomed to work for China
    In Obamalot

    [alternate verse that didn’t fit into the screenplay…] The aura of Jack Kennedy is sought here.
    We fondly think of him upon his yacht.
    A cheap façade is clearly all we’ve got here:
    Obamalot.

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