Rescue Checklist. For Emergency Use Only. I Declare An Emergency.

[Wordpress workaround: Imagine that these bullets are checkboxes. Thank you.]

  • fill a Rubbermaid 2 qt container 3/4 full of Minute Maid Limeaid1
  • top off with gin2
  • place in insulated container with 6 White Cheddar Baby Bells and a box of Cracked Pepper Water Biscuits3
  • stow 2 beach chairs in the car before heading off to work4
  • work
  • finish working
  • embrace beloved coworker/Martini Club partner before she loses it entirely from work fatigue, stress, unhappiness and overall ready to bust-ness5
  • drive her 4.5 miles from office to beach6
  • check watch to be sure it’s after 5 pm to avoid parking fee, beach fee and life guards7
  • set up chairs at water’s edge
  • relax
  • hunt for Mermaid’s Toenails to take back to office as totem for when times get tough
I was going to take a picture of my lovely toes in the surf to show you but a better opportunity presented itself. Behold a genuine idiot:

There’s a drawback to hitting the beach after the lifeguards leave – and that is that THERE ARE NO LIFEGUARDS. If they were still there, nobody would have gotten within 100 yards of the jetty. These two were purposely flinging themselves towards them. Those are some big rocks, let me tell you. And the idiot and his friend kept hopping up on the decent sized waves to surf in the 30 feet to the waterline and perilously close to if not death at least a lot of blood. You really can’t see the peril from this snapshot – just know it was compelling theater of the absurd. Luckily, we had the binocs so that we could comment on each close call. In the end, the idiots came out of the water, picked up their boards and went home none the worse for the wear. God protects idiots on land and sea.

There was a third guy who was wearing a wet suit and seemed to be content to bob in one place all evening.

All in all, the excursion was a success.

1 because you can’t bring alcohol onto the Jersey beaches.

just a little to relax
don’t worry. we’re right near The Windmill in case we need something more substantial.

remember to take binoculars for boat and/or skyline watching

sad face

6 laugh all you want at icky NJ. can you do this?

7  because the beaches in NJ are not free

2 thoughts on “Rescue Checklist. For Emergency Use Only. I Declare An Emergency.”

  1. Where there are beaches, there are idiots. It’s a zen thing. Or is that a chaos theory thing?

    At least it was a success and no one was killed. 😉

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