- Finally fold up that laundry that has been in the dryer for 2 days.
- Apply ophthalmic ointment to the dog’s eyes.
- Clip toenails then use file on them for a smooth finish.
- Create alias log-in and stir up shit about women without husbands on Pinterest.
- Dial random phone number and say “Hello this Peggy” in a thick but unidentifiable accent.
- Master the art of induced vomiting.
- Clean out door shelves in refrigerator; celebrate discovery of horseradish.
- Put away fall/winter clothing; select outfit you will wear to vote against Obama in November.
- Stare at the place in sky where the sun will come up tomorrow.
- Argue the merits of buying an orange car.
- Read Redfoo’s twitter stream.
- Unravel all abandoned knitting projects.
- Invent a new recipe using only cupboard contents (top 2 shelves only).
- Organize bathroom cleaning supplies into convenient carrier.
- Clean bathrooms.
- Sniff all car air fresheners in Pep Boys.
- Practice Vogue dance moves.
- Search for Duck Dynasty on demand.
- Stand in front of mirror and repeat Pawkis-tahn Pawkis-tahn Pawkis-tahn until you can do it with a straight face.
- Write congratulatory note to Jessica Simpson; suggest a better baby name.
- Watch a 2 1/2 Men rerun on FX*
- Locate a baby with a poopy diaper to change.
- Bake cookies for OWS then piss on them.
- Send in suggestions for secret word drinking game to Andy Cohen.
- Console Jimmy Fallon that he didn’t get “the big one” this week.
Is it over yet? Is it safe to go back into the TV room?
* reader submission