Things To Do While Irritating President Commandeers TV During Prime Time

  1. Finally fold up that laundry that has been in the dryer for 2 days.
  2. Apply ophthalmic ointment to the dog’s eyes.
  3. Clip toenails then use file on them for a smooth finish.
  4. Create alias log-in and stir up shit about women without husbands on Pinterest.
  5. Dial random phone number and say “Hello this Peggy” in a thick but unidentifiable accent.
  6. Master the art of induced vomiting.
  7. Clean out door shelves in refrigerator; celebrate discovery of horseradish.
  8. Put away fall/winter clothing; select outfit you will wear to vote against Obama in November.
  9. Stare at the place in sky where the sun will come up tomorrow.
  10. Argue the merits of buying an orange car.
  11. Read Redfoo’s twitter stream.
  12. Unravel all abandoned knitting projects.
  13. Invent a new recipe using only cupboard contents (top 2 shelves only).
  14. Organize bathroom cleaning supplies into convenient carrier.
  15. Clean bathrooms.
  16. Sniff all car air fresheners in Pep Boys.
  17. Practice Vogue dance moves.
  18. Search for Duck Dynasty on demand.
  19. Stand in front of mirror and repeat Pawkis-tahn Pawkis-tahn Pawkis-tahn until you can do it with a straight face.
  20. Write congratulatory note to Jessica Simpson; suggest a better baby name.
  21. Watch a 2 1/2 Men rerun on FX*
  22. Locate a baby with a poopy diaper to change.
  23. Bake cookies for OWS then piss on them.
  24. Send in suggestions for secret word drinking game to Andy Cohen.
  25. Console Jimmy Fallon that he didn’t get “the big one” this week.
Is it over yet? Is it safe to go back into the TV room?
* reader submission

20 thoughts on “Things To Do While Irritating President Commandeers TV During Prime Time

  1. I’m currently watching Cupcake Wars. The winner gets to take theirs to the Kentucky Derby. Much better use of time and writing a comment on your blog, doesn’t get any better than that!!!!!

  2. I watched 5 minutes, yawn. Recap: Me good, everyone bad. Shining lights in NewYork. Me good.

    If it’s any consolation to you Easterners, it was 4:30pm out here in flyover country and nobody was watching in CA, AZ, OR, WA, WY, NV, NM.

  3. Watching a Dbacks game and scanning the interwebs. Much better way to spend my time than listening to him praise himself and repeat what he has told us already, many times.

  4. This is the funniest thing I have read in a week! Thank you. If I lived nearer to OWS squatters I would be baking some cookies right now.

  5. While all 25 were most excellent suggestions, my personal favorite was number 8, select an outfit to wear to vote against Obama in November. Typically for really festive events like that I would buy a new outfit.

  6. All but 22 seem like good ideas. But, wait . . . 22 beats listening to the incredibly-brave-braver-than-any-other-president-ever spike the ball.

  7. No. 6 should refer to *self-induced* vomiting but wouldn’t be too challenging with President Ilovme on the idiot box.

    And if we think former POTUS Jimmah Carter is an insufferably pompous, America bashing sack of fishfarts, imagine what Barry will be like.

  8. I have reached that enviable level of cluelessness that I didn’t even realize he had been on until I read this blog. (I spent the evening listening to music and reading a book about WWI in Africa. It’s not often you see multiple references to Blackwater Fever and Sopwith Camel in the same place… or any place.)

    Coming from NJ I prefer my malarkey straight, without the rationalizations. A Jersey pol will look you in the eye, chuckle and say “I took your money because I CAN, dipsh*t. Get over it or get into politics!”

  9. I found it more interesting to clean the fiberglass tub with Kaboom and see the soap scum disappear than watch anything that Obama has to say on tv.

  10. I cleaned the dust bunnies off the top of the fridge!! These days “the president’s” voice has the same affect on me as fingernails on the blackboard.

  11. So, what are you wearing to vote against Obummer? Did it require extensive research and internet shopping? We want pictures.

    I’ll be wearing a big smile and feeling hopeful the error is over.

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