I don’t talk about it here much but be assured that I study every single episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey in great detail. It’s been Christmas in NJ for three episodes already and I must say that NJ never looked lovelier under its soft blanket of yuletide snow.
For those of you that don’t watch regularly, let me tell you that the main storyline this season is tension between Teresa and Juicy Joe (her husband) and Skicap Joe, her brother. Disrespect! Somebody wrote the wrong thing on a greeting card, somebody else was late to a party and now there’s bad blood all over Bergen county. But let’s get to the important stuff without further delay:
A tentative peace has been reached and Skicap Joe brings his family over to Teresa’s “7 fishes” Christmas Eve celebration. Arrangements were hastily made at the time of the truce – Skicap and his family already have dinner plans with cousin Kathy. But Skicap’s shit-stirring wife Melissa advocates for a quick pre-dinner visit to Teresa’s and that’s what they do. Peace is fragile and most people are on their best behavior. This does not include Juicy Joe who is overheard calling Melissa “racoon eyes”. (Incorrect! She is widely referred to in episode recaps across the internet as Potato Nose.) Nevertheless, the pre-dinner visit obligation is fulfilled, no punches are thrown and the Skicaps announce they are off. This is where it gets sad and exciting at the same time.
Teresa pulls her brother aside and takes him into the dining room to show him that she has set places at the table for his family so they can all eat the 7 fishes together. It’s a real moment, entirely believable scene between a brother and and a sister. Teresa softly talks about the table setting and makes one last weak try at getting Skicap Joe to stay. Skicap is reasonable and just as softly explains that he has a longer-standing commitment elsewhere. And they do this right next to THE MOST GORGEOUS DINNERWARE EVER SEEN ON ANY EPISODE OF ANY FRANCHISE OF REAL HOUSEWIVES.
I am telling you, I am going to D-I-E if I don’t find out what it was. It was a stylized floral and berry pattern set on a deep yellow charger and it took my breath away.
I wish they would post a product list during the closing credits with brand names and where you can buy them. (Note to self: tweet that idea to @BravoAndy.) You can watch the scene in a video clip here. And you should watch it. You’ll see the fleeting glimpse of the fabulous dishes, two little girls whose dresses could easily give My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding a run for the money, and a last minute lip fakeout when Skicap and Teresa kiss goodbye. Skicap has on some kind of Kangol hat – I guess it’s his holiday wear.
Two other quick observations:
- Juicy Joe must be getting paid extra this season. I can’t imagine why else he’d allow the editors to play goofy cartoon music whenever he’s in a scene. It makes him look even more ridiculous than he already is.
- Something is really really wrong with Albie Manzo. I think it’s depression brought on by a severe case of dumbness. Yes, he’s good looking and he’s pleasant but he always looks so sad. And so vacant. I think he’s trying to figure out what’s going on around him and he’s never quite got it.
UPDATE: Much interest in the Potato Nose! See below.
Actually, the photo on the left is from a “before they were famous” series by Reality Tea. CAN NOT GET ENOUGH.
My dog was getting a little worried that someone was going to take the title of World’s Greatest Head Swiveler away from him but I think that this informal Swivel-Off clearly shows that he is still the champ.