You Should All Expect To Be Called As Witnesses At the Divorce Trial

Question:  Can your husband tell the difference between a giant weed and a volunteer tomato plant growing out of a crack between the  concrete blocks? BECAUSE MINE CAN’T.

And the irony is that he didn't pull out the actual weeds.

I’m filing the papers today.

30 thoughts on “You Should All Expect To Be Called As Witnesses At the Divorce Trial”

  1. I feel your pain {hug}. My husband wiped out all my garden mums and blackeyed susans one spring with Round-Up. He had no concept of “perennial” figuring if it’s coming up on it’s own in the spring, it’s a weed.

    Letting him never live it down is so much more painful than divorce, trust me 😛

  2. H already sleeps with one eye open due to the “what? It’s just makeup, wtf does ‘Lancome’ mean anyway? I needed to mark where the faucets go!” debacle of 1988.

    1. That definitely qualifies as one of those married couple/ heart attack moments. Does Hallmark make a card for that?

      To My Sweetheart –
      I love you, dear
      Forever and more.
      Do that again
      Get knocked on the floor.

    1. I confess that you were my first suspect. As soon as I saw this, I said “Bingley!’ out loud, like an oath. I thought you made good on your threat to send the deer back.

      1. “Bingley!’ out loud, like an oath

        It may surprise you that the very same thing happens at my house all the time.

        Then again, it might not surprise you.

  3. Did he take a knife and delicately trim away all the stems and leaves? That’s a piss-poor job of pulling up a tomato plant.

    A couple of years ago my partner managed to shear a day lily AND a hydrangea off to the ground via overenthusiastic use of a weed whacker.

  4. Divorce is somewhat of a drastic measure.
    Just put all but one of the wheelbarrows in the front yard with “for sale” signs on them.

    1. I can’t get rid of anything around here – he just puts it back. 😦
      I have to spirit things away to the dumpster where I work if I really want to get rid of anything.

  5. My mother went to her grave still harping at me for pulling her poppies out one spring. I swear, the new growth looks EXACTLY like dandelions. I know I heard about it for at least 25 years, though.

    1. I can’t harp on this because I am occupied complaining about the gas stove that was forced on me when I wanted one of those flat ceramic top electric ones. That is a full time job.

  6. Oh Cripes, Suzette, I am so sorry about the hacked down plant! It looked as though it would have thrived and produced a fine amount.

    I ‘lurk’ (check you out every day!) a lot here and at other blogs, but rarely comment…the reason being you all help me keep my sanity! Your kitchen is more ‘decorated’ than mine, but your recipes have been fine, and I’m happy for you having the new camera. The tomato shot is calendar-perfect!

    But back to the husband: Do not be too harsh with him, for he is merely a husband, and sometimes they get a little ‘robotic’ when they’re cutting the lawn, or weeding, or even when making love. Their thoughts are on ‘other things’, and then, before they know it–destruction of something precious, when they were thinking ‘manly things’ (I’d say, ‘like golf’, but because the first woman president of the US thinks golf is many, that does not make it so.)!

    So give him a hug, and a kiss–then forgive him for chopping down the tomato plant.

    Then…just HOG all the rest of the tomatoes for yourself and whosoever you choose. Do not let him have even a taste of homegrown tomato. He will learn greatly from this lesson to care more about you, actually listen to you when you speak, and pay more attention to reading your blog. He will then understand you and what is important to you, as a wife.

    No, I am no psychologist or psychiatrist–I just speak from experience, from long ago, on 13.93 acres of organic farm.

    Keep up the great pics!

  7. Leave that chopped off stalk . I transplanted some tomato plants several weeks ago and because they were rootbound and sitting in my kitchen for 3 weeks before I planted them, the leaves all fell off and left a stalk similar to the remainder of the volunteer. I continued to water the two stalks and now they are leafing out. I’m sure your tough Jersey tomato would do the same thing and blossom and bear. The root system is still there. A weed wacker is no match.

  8. okay, around our house the dogs get blamed!!!! Are you sure it wasn’t “the dogue”? I mean, maybe it wasn’t the husband? I am just trying to save the marriage. I just roll my eyes here when the dogs get blamed!!!!!

    1. He confessed! He didn’t even know what he did.

      I have to take a firm stand, though because he wants to chainsaw my magnificent rhododendrons. There must be consequences.

  9. If he had read your blog, he would have known it was a miracle tomato plant. Or is it a “secret” blog (sinister laugh here)?

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