What ever is happening to me? NOW I feel the urge to make Christmas cookies. Maybe Ill even whip up a retro apron to wear while I’m baking. It must be the dreamy fantasy of standing in a retro sort of kitchen.
Nevertheless I plow ahead, fully cognizant that disappointment awaits in the reality of flour and grease everywhere followed soon after by a sink full of crusty baking sheets that long to be washed. I’m making cookies this year.
Now, there are only 2 cookies that I’m dreaming about: Pineapple Cookies and Cracker Kisses. However, I am willing to entertain other suggestions, with the following exception:
NO CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
Some of you already know that I don’t like chocolate in general but I’m sure I’ve never told you how violently I object to chocolate chips in any form but especially in cookies. Note well: comments will not be entertained from those who try to tell me:
- that I’m wrong about chocolate chip cookies
- that YOU like chocolate chip cookies
- a recipe for chocolate chip cookies
- chocolate chips in other recipes
I’m not kidding. One remark about chocolate chips and you get placed on my Naughty list. You don’t want to be there.
Pineapple Cookies are the best thing my mother ever made. She’d start the cookie factory going soon after Thanksgiving and make multiple batches of at least a dozen different kinds. They were stored in big containers on he counter top of the basement kitchen – the perfect location for filching by sudden volunteers to take laundry down or bring canned goods up. I have some recipes cards from the old house around somewhere – I’m sure this recipe is among them. The cookies were drop style, had walnuts in them and stayed soft and fresh forever.
And now From Our Department of I KNEW She Was Full of Shit:
Here is the recipe for Cracker Kisses which happen to be made with chocolate chips. Here it is repeated ver batim from a 1964 publishing of The J*y of C**king cookbook before they revised it and rendered it loathsome and repellent:
CHOCOLATE CRACKER KISSES
[About Sixty 1-inch kisses]
The only people who will guess these ingredients are those who, in adolescence, happened to be devotees of thin chocolate candy bars between salted crackers.
Preheat oven to 350.
Heat over hot water:
2/3 cps semi-sweet chocolate chips or 1 oz. chocolate, plus 1/4 cup sugar.
Cool for about 5 minutes. Beat until very stiff:
2 egg whites
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
Beat in gradually:
2/3 cup sugar
Fold in gently:
3 tablespoons crushed salted soda crackers
and the cooled chocolate mixture.
Drop the meringue-like dough, a teaspoonful at a time, onto a well-greased cookie sheet. Bake about 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from the oven when a glazed cap has formed and puffed up over a 1/4 inch platform of the dough. Store, when cool, in a tightly closed container.
The cookies end up with a cracked stiff surface and a chewy center. Furthermore, they look hoary. I highly recommend them.