How Now MOO Cow?

From Our Department of You Can Dress Her Up But You Can’t Take Her To A Tent:

nom nom nom

In a display unprecedented for a first lady, World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama hunches forward  and eats with her fingers at a White House state banquet.  This is historic – no first lady has ever done this at a formal state dinner before. Moments later, she was seen hiding behind her hands attempting to avoid detection as she sucked food bits out of her teeth:

pinch me

So … how’d I do with the MOO outfit prediction? Let’s take a look:

It was just as shiny as could be, wasn’t it? I was right about the simplicity of the gown and also about the presence of the wrap, but I had assumed it would actually be used to cover some of that flesh. What a disappointment to me that no tiara like thing was evident in her hairdo, but there certainly COULD have been something in there. We may never know. Her jewelry was indeed restrained as she limited herself to only two 5″ long earrings and 24 bracelets.

I can find no pictures of her footwear to determine if they were flats or heels, but evidently MOO has no qualms about towering over her guests. In fact, it seems quite a deliberate move on her part to not only tower on level ground but to take any measure possible to dwarf tiny  dignitaries even further by forcing them to stand one step down.

howdja do?

All in all, the evening  was a major success for our gal MOO. Here she is giving herself the partial Squint of Approval and the Prune Face of Delight.

Little Eye of Mirth

And so my friends, the secret  of the Little Eye is revealed. It’s not Little Eye at all – she’s winking with delight!

7 thoughts on “How Now MOO Cow?”

  1. Suzette, you were nearly right on – got the major stuff.

    I believe this designer got the nod because (a) he is Indian, (b) he made her the flashiest person in the room, and (c), most importantly, he structurally engineered a gown bodice that took her bra size from A to C and it still stayed up. Velcro implants?

    I have to keep doing mental corrections, reminding myself that this is a very large hulking woman – nearly 6 ft. tall – who often dresses like an oversized little girl. Not last night. She was the belle of the ball and lovin’ herself. You bet she was winking with delight!

  2. I read somewhere that all of those sequins were sterling silver. That seems hard to believe… that thing would have weighed a ton, right? Also? It was hand sewn in India, it took 3 weeks and 40 women to make it.

    Good lord, the woman is tacky.

    1. “Hand-cut” sterling silver sequins, yet. And we all know those weren’t women sewing on those sequins….probably kids getting about a dollar a day.

      She did everything but ride in on an elephant. (No place to sail a royal barge, and besides that would have been Egyptian … “Keep that in the file, Desi…could be a great look for me!!!!!”)

  3. This post cracked me the hell up. Eye of Mirth. Prune Face of Delight. It’s not just your pics and stuff, it’s your tone and your words are so perfect — the captions, everything. I hardly ever laugh out loud at shit on the net but your MOO stuff gets me every time. Thank you for making me laugh. Srsly, this is just excellently funny.

  4. She always looks like she’s sucking food through her teeth. That nasty puckered face of disapproval comes naturally to her.

  5. Suzette, I wish to nominate you for National Treasure. Somehow I suspect that the prune-faced forces in Washington will prevent that from ever happening.

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