Hillary: The Bag

Rumors continue to swirl about Hillary’s sexual preferences. The latest and most specific involves her closest aide and “body person”, Huma Abedin. This story is a few weeks old and frankly, it didn’t interest me at all because its the same tired speculation about old Hill being a devout and practicing bi-sexual, because there could be only one reason women would spend a lot of time together, right?  But once again, the male dominated Hillary-watchers have failed to determine the true goings on inside the Hillary campaign. And it’s so obvious!

Unbeknownst to my reading public, I have been scouring the media outlets, syndicate photographs and video clips of Hillary’s appearances to see when and where she carries a handbag. Handbags, you know, are  a particular area of interest for me and I think that close observation can help to identify a theme to the type of bag she prefers or a pattern to where she uses them, and then we will be able to draw some evidence-based conclusions about who she really is. Consider it to be a counterpart to psychological clues imparted by body language – accessory language! Think what we could deduce from her choice of a banana bag over a clutch, and Heaven help us if she ever turns up with a sling.

But it was not to be. My search for a Hillary Handbag sighting was fruitless. And then this week, the mystery was ended. Both of the issues were at at once cleared up and you were there to witness to it. Observe:

Did you see it or were you too busy writing your own jokes about American flags throwing themselves to the ground in HRC’s presence?  Watch again as Huma herself enters the frame from the left carrying the mother of all handbags, the Marc Jacobs STAM bag. Work that satchel, honey. And she is too – you can judge the heft of it by how she’s got enough stuff in there for herself and Hillary with room to spare for one or two small dogs, a SATCOM radio and the nuclear launch codes. See how her left arm is all but immobilized because of the steady bicep flexing necessary to keep that thing up? And see how she overcompensates for a shifted center of gravity by leaning  to the right side? I estimate that bag to clock in at about 14 to 16 pounds, which might not sound like much until you have to cart it around in the crook of your elbow for more than 15 minutes. Hillary’s stuff is definitely in there.

No wonder she’s always by Hillary’s side. It’s not a love connection at all – she’s the pocketbook holder. The male pundits didn’t figure that out because they do not have necessary heightened level of handbag awareness. If they did, the sex scandal rumors would never have bubbled up to the surface in the first place. If HRC becomes the Democratic nominee and then wins the presidential election, it’s Huma that will be toting around the nuclear football. She’s already got that chain thing ready to attach the bag to herself and has demonstrated that she can be cool and collected during an unexpected event – she never compromises her bag-holding posture or drops that left forearm to put the bag at risk of slipping away.

Now you know.

5 thoughts on “Hillary: The Bag”

  1. Great research. & Huma’s smiling & not showing much strain. She probably has some of her own stuff in there too, almost as intimate a mingling as sex. I briefly dated a housepainter some years ago, & although you wouldn’t know it from looking, she had really strong arms, which I considered sexy. Now, handbags of possible First Ladies?

  2. Like The Shadow it seems Huma also has the power to cloud mens, and for that matter womens minds. Supposedly one “Excuse me” from her clears an entire path.
    I have no idea if this is true to not. Huma seems to have been elevated to something like an urban legend or something akin to those various sayings about Chuck Norris,e.g. the boogie man’s afraid Chuck Norris is under the bed.
    Stuff like that.

  3. I’m personally dislike handbags and have not carried one for years now. I’m afraid that hideous Stam bag item is just another nail in that coffin for me. The big clunky chain? Stupid handlestrap thingy? Dork-a-SAUR-us City. No way. $1550 to look like granny? “Fetch my pocketbook and I’ll give you a Buffalo nickel, child.” You gotta be kidding me.
    Obviously the finer points of handbagging are totally LOST on the likes of me. But — and this is an IMPORTANT BUT — I TRULY enjoy reading ABOUT handbag culture and mystique here and trying to figure out why some people are so into handbags. Is it like me being into collecting offensive political t-shirts? I bet it is.

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