O … M … G

Belated birthday present:

2 L. Oak Vinegar Barrel

It’s just what I wanted!

Upon This End Grain Maple Cutting Board I Shall Build My Church

Opinions are like cooking shows – everybody has one.

I was clicking through the early morning infomercials in those TV channels above 100 today and came across this cooking show featuring two overweight Italian-American priests making some kind of traditional dish from the old country.

no aprons!

They’re making that peasant salad where you throw in chunks of stale bread, so mostly they’re just chopping vegetables and casually chatting about the Vatican and the historically important churches in Rome. A little bit about foot kissing as well but I  was busy marveling at that repurposed “believe” sign to catch whose feet were being kissed. It’s on the same network that still plays reruns of Mother Angelica and gives over random half-hours to saying the rosary.

When you think about it, the concept is brilliant.

Maybe that’s how to get Catholics back into the churches – give them all a sharp knife and a task to perform that contributes something good to eat¹.

¹Probably won’t work. Once I was at a planning meeting for a church festival² and I was sitting around with a table full of lady planners. Out of the church kitchen came an older woman carrying a huge commercial-sized baking pan full of roasted garlic³ and plunked it down in the middle of the table. “Don’t just sit there,” she said, “grab a knife and peel while you talk.⁴”  Nobody moved.

²Melkite church; Eastern rite.

³ for the stuffed grape leaves and hummus

⁴I don’t think so, Grandma.

Wanted Dead Or Alive

From Our Department of Are You Shitting Me Right Now? :

Who is the dastardly fiend who thought it would be a good idea to make a bagel that looks like it’s pumpernickel on the outside but is in fact cinnamon and raisin on the inside? I would like to know. My baloney, cheese and mustard would like to know, too.

President Lyndon B. Johnson reacts to finding cinnamon and raisins in the bagel sandwich he brought to work for lunch. Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara realizes his “I thought it was pumpernickel” defense won’t save him.     

Our Presidents

 

 

Cookbook from 1961ish

I follow a charming website called Our Presidents, a site which describes itself as: “One space to bring the past 13 Presidents together. Discover behind-the-scenes history here. We’re a nationwide network of the U.S. National Archives.” Lots of Lyndon there. Recently featured was The Republican Congressional Cook Book, circa 1961, courtesy of Congressman Gerald R.  Ford.

The simple recipes are the type that if the booklet was spiral-bound instead of stapled, it could pass as a church ladies fundraiser. Here the recipes are contributed by Congressmen, their wives and some other distinguished Washington types. It’s pretty much what you’d expect – lobster from Maine, apples from Washington and so on. Utah, though, puts forth a recipe calling for fresh crabs. I’ve never been to Utah but who knows? maybe they do have native crabs.

This is my favorite recipe in the book. I believe that there is a strong possibility that no one has actually ever made it.

Step 1: look up “No. 2 1/2 can”

Page Belcher! Great name. I looked him up. there are three or four head shots from him campaign literature that are used repeatedly on the internet. He looks serious, farmer-ish, neither particularly trustworthy nor shifty. And then there’s this:

April 14 1961 – President John F. Kennedy and Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson attend a Congressional Coffee Hour in the Blue Room, White House, Washington, D.C. (L-R) Representative Page Belcher of Oklahoma; Representative Thomas N. Downing of Virginia; President Kennedy; Representative James H. Morrison of Louisiana; Representative Edwin E. Willis of Louisiana; Vice President Johnson; Representative Leonor K. Sullivan of Missouri.

Page Belcher, jolly guest at a Congressional coffee hour about the same point in time when this booklet was published. Not sure what exactly “the coffee hour was” because there are several posed photos like this one in the JFK Library with different people in them. All of the ladies are wearing hats.

The recipes are interspersed with these little boxed bits

Jokes, I guess these are – many of them take potshots at “The New Frontier“. Some of that looks mighty familiar. Sure,  it’s all fun and games until somebody loses a country. Roll through the pages expecting mild amusement and your heart will stop when you read the final page.

BASIC BELIEFS OF REPUBLICANS

That’s what I believe, too but I don’t have confidence that today’s “Republicans” – at least the elcted ones – are in agreement. I don’t expect to know everything about government or what does on in those smoky backrooms, but I know a little something and it just doesn’t make sense to me. The world is turned upside down, you can’t trust what you read in the papers or hear on TV, what you see with your own eyes is touted as just the opposite. Too bad the Libertarians are so goofy – I’m in the market for a new political affiliation.

The Republican Congressional Cook Book, circa 1961, courtesy of Congressman Gerald R.  Ford.

Hunkering. Now With Photos.

This is the time of year that I am at my most vulnerable for self-delusion. I used to do it with gardening catalogs but now that my knees are shot and I have far less patience than I used to have, I confine my gardening activities to hoping that a blossom will be tall enough to show above the weed tops.

The sun always shines in my kitchen no matter what time it is.

No now I delude myself into thinking that I am the perfect housewife.  Icy winter can rage outside, but inside my domicile is warm and cozy thanks to my housewifley efforts. To this end,  I’ve set out a wild riot of curtains, tablecloth and area rugs in the kitchen to liven things up. Everything looked so blah and sterile after the Christmas things came down but now my spirit is cheered for the whole 5 minutes that it takes me to bread. That is my attention span these days. FYI – I am becoming positively expert in cloaking and slashing.

Slashed!

I enjoy the slashing. Probably too much.

It’s not only bread that keeps me busy but also beverages. Thinking about beverages and planning for beverages. In the evening  I can’t wait to go to bed so that I can get up early and start the coffee pot. I’m working mostly from home these days so when the clock starts heading to 4 or so, I plan on what it will be like to go downstairs and sit in my big velvet chair to have a cocktail while I watch pop culture trash* I have DVR’d.

I don’t always have a cocktail and sometimes I pour the first cup of coffee and let it sit until it gets cold. So it’s not so much the beverages themselves as it is the anticipation of beverages. Anyway, it’s all about the illusion/delusion of being safe and cozy in a storybook house. So really just a lot of free time and nothing much to do.

*Amish Mafia **

**Have you seen this thing? It’s so totally fake and contrary to everything ever known about the Amish and Mennonites but I can’t help it. It’s just getting good now – Merlin from Ohio is moving in on Lebanon Levi’s territory in a bid to take over Lancaster County. Esther, who does all of her confessionals dressed in severe Amish garb and full face makeup of the type known as “war paint”, is just leading Levi on to advance her loser brother’s position in Levi’s organization but she really has the hots for Jolin (who is actually pretty hot), a tattooed Mennonite who is featured in every episode either shirtless or checking out his automatic rifles in front a picture of Jesus, And now Merlin is bringing in midgets from Ohio to smash things up. No one mentions midgets, but one imported smasher did go so far as to say that Amish are shorter in Ohio. The whole thing is played over a Jaws-like soundtrack meant to heighten anxiety. It is delicious. ***

*** I probably wouldn’t have gotten so wrapped up in this if the new season of American Gypsies had started. That one is my true trash TV love.