In Which I Amuse Myself

NOW UPDATED BELOW!

I’m exhausted from work work work so I’m taking a day off today.  I’m going to be driving to Philadelphia.  BFD, amirite? Well, yes actually it is. It is because I make it so.

My route takes me over the Ben Franklin Bridge, which I privately think  of as the BFB. When ever I see signs approaching the BFB, I mentally shout at myself BFD! BFD! And when I’m actually driving over it, I congratulate myself for having pulled off such a BFD.

I really need this day off.

BFD!

Update:

Safe at home. The entire trip was accomplished under dark skies through intermittent rain accompanied to a classic radio sound track heavy on KC and the Sunshine Band. No one should have to suffer like that. The experience was only slightly mitigated by the sight of forsythia blooming alongside every highway. Wasn’t a bad day at all.

3 Things About My Decorating Project. Maybe 4.

1. You see the problem with that “mantle” ledge. Calls for extreme cleverness in decorative accessories. FYI – that horse not only has a penis but also testicles. Might be too much realism for a early morning blog photo.

Go right to the source and ask the horse. He'll give you the answer that you'll endorse.

2. Have I mentioned that I’m going to do a “treatment” to the fireplace bricks? I saw it on an HGTV show years ago and can’t find any kind of internet reference to it now. To the best of my recollection, it involves using the wall paint and sponging it lightly onto most of the bricks, dry brushing streaks of it onto some others, and then full coverage paint on the fewest number of bricks. I hope I got that right. Can’t remember if you do it straight onto the natural brick or if there’s a coat of light primer that goes down first.

3. Here are some candleholders (candles not yet installed) with a tree-trunk pattern carved into them.  Sort of rustic; sort of “realistic” if the trees you are thinking of are in the background of a Yogi Bear cartoon.  They were a superfantastic bargain at Tuesday Morning. I did have to hunt through the shelves of the entire store to find a second one, so the thrill of the hunt and all that might have overridden my gut instinct to go with knobby/turned lathe kind of sticks that I set out to find.

Meh. Not in love with them. I might not use these after all.

4. I grow weary of testing out paint samples. I’m going with a Martha Stewart color called Pongee which coincidentally is the exact color I already had on the adjoining laundry and powder rooms.

 

Him and Her

Him:

Dead eyes. This is your president on tranquilizers.

If, as so many headlines today are declaring, Obama’s address to the nation explaining America’s kinetic military action in Libya was a bit muddled, let Twitter explain it to you:

Caleb Howe is my new hero.

Her:

I'm not saying she's got the Little Eye here but I am saying she seems to be looking in two different directions at once.

As previously noted, World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™  Michelle Obama’s new stylist has a new strategy: focusing on boob enhancement to distract from her other less attractive body parts. Last week, we tried painting on a cleavage stripe to give the impression of large boobs; this week we celebrate our flapjackness. Love how the empty fabric of the dress caves in on the top, the bottom and the sides to really bring home the message that there’s no there there. Her chin has more curves than her bosom. Can’t wait to see what next week brings.


The Big Reveal…or…You Had Me At Seaside Heights

And the mystery genius decorating item is:

LARGE 10″ X 14″ VINTAGE 1950′s COPPER TONE METAL HORSE. For sale is a Large 10 X 14″ vintage 1950′s Copper Tone Metal Horse that was won on the Boardwalk at Seaside Heights, N.J. in the late 50′s by my uncle. The Horse is the real deal in VERY VERY GOOD CONDITION with original Chain. (Suzette says: “This is not my actual item – mine has an unbroken chain – this is just a better picture so that you can see all the detail, including the anatomical correctness.”)

It’s a carnival horse – so-called because these were given away as carnival prizes beginning in the 1940s. I imagine that it’s possible that they could still be found at western type shows like rodeos, events and certain state fairs but I don’t know for sure. If they are, I’m sure they’re not as crisply detailed as these oldies are.  Both Jersey guy Jim PRS and Linda in Michigan got it right except for their visualizations of the horse being attached to its own clock. I know Jim’s been a round a few carnival games in his time so I’m not surprised that he figured it out but I guess Linda has a bit of the boardwalk in her as well.

I remember seeing these in my childhood but none as big as this. Most I remember were about 6″ tall. It must have been some masterful ring-tossing or air rifle-shooting that won something this magnificent. I completely love this thing.

You people! And your ideas! You make me want to look for things with clocks in their bellies and now my internal narrative is all pine cone pine cone pine cone. If I can only conquer my indecision about the wall color, we could move forward. Let me tell you something – those little $3 paint pot color samples at Home Depot are both a blessing and curse.

Still Life With Paint Samples

Ok it doesn’t look like much now but give the idea time to grow on you. I know the copper horse might be a little bit off-putting, but in the overall context it’s going to be great.

Now remember that my decorating theme for this room is Craftsman Style Meets American West Plus Pine Cones And A Big Clock. So there’s your big clock. The American West is going to be represented not only by the horse but also at least one or two vintage posters of Yosemite or Yellowstone. Pine cones because PINE CONES!!!1! And the Craftsman-style element won’t be rush to buy repro Mission furniture*, but rather by employing elements of that style: oak, leather, copper,  the hallmark colors.

The room is small with an awkward layout – there’s not a single solid wall.It can’t take much “decorating” so I have to choose each representational element carefully. It’s really meant to be a place for Sami sit at his new (second-hand) big ass desk, where he will cover it with piles of bills and supermarket circulars but it’s far from the room where the big ass TV is and he can’t shout at the cable news from 3 rooms away so he’s getting a smaller tv for this room.*

* Although, maybe I will.

**I recognize the irony that the den used to be the TV room until we bought the big ass TV and got dizzy from sitting in front of the enormous screen at close range so we had to move everything into the biggest room on the first floor.

International Newspapers Scoop the U.S.

Why is it that we have to turn to the foreign newspapers for hard-hitting investigation? Once again, the British press scoops the American free press with important information – this time, about what’s in Hillary’s handbag.

now she’s carrying around TWO pink handbags

“Chilli flakes, mineral water spray, a medical kit, mesh bags, make-up and some photographs in case of autograph requests are among the items that reside in Mrs Clinton’s purse, according to her deputy chief of staff, Huma Abedin. They comprise a partial list of essentials”

Okay. I have a couple of questions.

(1) Huma Abedin is her deputy chief of staff? Didn’t she retire from the Hillary business when she married dashing NY state representative Anthony Weiner? Seems to me that it would be a 24/7 job to be the Mrs. to that great catch (Gag, pretend, barf. Gag, pretend, barf. etc.).

(2) All of a sudden HRC is all about pink? I don’t believe I’ve even seen an image of her dressed in pink, accessorized with pink, carrying pink or even standing near pink until last month’s revelation in Harper’s Bazaar that she “adores” her hot pink Ferragamo bag.

(3) And handbags? As you know, I’ve made it my business to scour the internet for evidence of Hillary with a handbag, and there was none until the aforementioned article. Now not only are they releasing information about HRC’s bags, but we are getting in-depth information about what’s inside her bag?

This bears watching. Something is going on.

I am grateful though for my own ability to put 2 and 2 together. Information gleaned from this article solves the mystery about the limp and unattractive hairdos Hill’s been sporting lately. Now that we know she carries around  “refreshing mineral water spray”, it does look as though her hair got doused. Maybe she refreshes herself with a  little mineral water mist before every public appearance.