Hint: you can clean it with Mop & Glow.
The Oval Office Gets A Makeover.
I guess that’s one way to boost the ratings for the state of the … what is it tonight?
UPDATE: Right out of the gate, America was informed that the new custom carpet has inspirational quotations woven along the edge. Things like “From each according to his ability; to each according to his need.” Sayings like that. However, it took a full 24 hours for information to come to light that additional quotations by influential members of Obama’s core team have also been placed in less obvious areas of the rug.
- “I am so outta here.” Rahm Emanuel
- “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.” Bill Clinton
- “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” David Axelrod
- “There is no controlling moral authority.” Albert Gore Jr
- “Get down. Boogie oogie oogie.” Marian Robinson
- “Payback will be a bitch.” Desiree Rogers
An elated Michelle Obama is struck by inspiration for her next fashion forward belt and spotaneously shares her joy with a 7 foot tall gentleman.
Exhibit A Can I ask you how is it that we never see any film footage of the president tripping over his own feet and landing on his ass? There’s gotta be some, right? I mean, look at that medial rotation of his left hip! We see him pigeon-toed and knock-kneed in most photographs but this is really remarkable. Hey, those head scars had to come from something.
Exhibit B If you enlarge this picture, you will see a nice big deodorant lump in the armpit of World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama.
Until further notice, all banner tag lines found at Cripes Suzette will be taken from YouTube comments.
until they make me take it down
MUST NOT LOOK AT PLASTIC LATTICE
I’m not crazy about the way the dog’s new collar cuts into his magnificent ruff. It makes him look like a pinhead. He is afraid of the noise the plastic lattice makes when it falls and tries hard not to be anywhere near it.
Fact #1 – If you have insomnia, sooner or later you are going to end up looking at rebroadcasts of MTv’s Jersey Shore, even if you never thought you’d lay eyes on it in your lifetime.
Fact #2 – There’s nobody – nobody – who doesn’t enjoy a good adulteration of The Family Circus.
Fact #3 At last, Jersey Shore and Family Circus come together.
There were two remarkable things to report about my excursion out of the house yesterday.
First of all, the Neshaminy Service Stop building on the PA Turnpike was being crushed. Big yellow claw machines were taking bites out of the stone walls as I drove past. Miles down the road, I passed the remodeled King of Prussia Service stop. I can only assume the same ungraceful fate waits Neshaminy. Why can’t they just leave things alone?
There was no way for me to stop and get a picture of the active destruction, it but this is a birds’ eye of the old place from Bing maps. You can’t really see how charming it was, but try anyway.
During a break in the meeting, I found myself explaining to someone why I sleep with my Blackberry. I couldn’t really work up a head of steam about it – in fact, I came off sounding quite unbalanced. But it wasn’t my fault.
- graphic rendering by Suzette
I was distracted by her eyebrows. She had these things that looked like sideways candle flames. And they trailed off in a thin, thin line. Who shapes eyebrows like that? Her hair was a light brunette and the eyebrows were a color that you couldn’t find in standard eyebrow make-up. The were a light brown mixed with a very subtle apricot tone. After I got over the color, I went back to the shape and I confess I did admire the skill it takes to draw such a fine line at the outer end.
Then it struck me that they must be tattoos. And that was it for me. I couldn’t do anything but repeat “… in case an important email comes through at 3am.” Which isn’t even the reason.
Tattooed eyebrows. I know it’s a thing, and that it has been a thing for a while. I was just never face-to-face with them before. I have to get out more.
Did you that when you get an incoming call on your Blackberry, you have the option to ignore?