I Would Have, Without Pictures

  • I would have posted a crappy cell phone picture that I took while driving except that I don’t leave my home anymore.
  • I would have taken a  picture of what I ate for lunch except that I already ate it for breakfast.
  • I would have shown you the obituary picture of my dead cousin except I’m too depressed about it.
  • I would be linking to a picture of wedding cake topper featuring a groom locked into a ball and chain that would be suitable for the offspring of two criminal politicians but what else could I say about it?
  • I would have shown you a picture of a dog eating a raw egg that fell on the floor yesterday but Stedman was too fast about it.
  • I would have shown you photographic evidence of the aftermath of that egg-eating but how can you photograph 6 hours of foul dog farts?

The Wedding of the Century

Here at Cripes Suzette, we totally approve of bride-to-be Chelsea Clinton’s choice of headpiece for her gluten-free, vegan wedding.

Chelsea, you never looked so good.

Thank goodness she came up with this idea – we just couldn’t imagine HOW she was going to get around the fact that her old face was growing back. Now if only Hillary would cover her head with a big hat. Or a bag. A plastic one.

Don't you just hate that MOO is keeping all of the government hair dressers busy pinning on her photo-op hair and nobody is available for Hillz?

I keed! I’m actually quite thrilled to see the old Hillary come back into the spotlight, all spackled and blow dried and squeezed into a girdle.  The Obamadrone Hillary that we have now is not much fun. I sure do hope she pulls out a necklace from her Wilma Flintstone collection. It wouldn’t be wise to try showing off her real gems around the new father-in-law, Ed “Nigerian Scammer” Mezvinsky. Sticky fingers, you know.

Missed you, Hillz!

Exciting Personal Update

It’s not that I don’t have anything going on in my life. It’s just that I wanted to share this landmark event with you:

buh bye

We emptied out another jar of Classico Pasta Sauce today and so I was able to add the empty container to  my collection of drinking jars. I’m particularly pleased about this because I have a feeling that time is running out. Look at their product page.

They’re promoting a new economy size – it’s a 44 ouncer and it comes in a round jar. Let me tell you right now that this is the beginning of the end. See how all the products so far have some in the squared jars that I love so much? If that’s been the company’s stand-out characteristic on shelves full of round jars, why change it for this product?

Because a round jar is standard production and most likely less expensive than a squared one, you say? Well then – with that kind of thinking  how long will it be until someone one, say for instance a 20-something MBA, figures out that now that they can save a few cents on round jars for all of their products and rely on the establishment of the brand to mark their distinction in the marketplace.

Now see? You thought I was being funny when I made my announcement  in that second paragraph. But it turns out that I have gathered you all around me to witness the beginning of THE END OF A GOOD THING.

Did you forget that I am a trend spotter?