Blinded By the Blight

Attention, New Jersey readers! I don’t actually know anything (think of how many posts I could I start this way?)   but it looks to me as though the Garden State Arts Center, or whatever they are calling themselves now, is putting up one of those 1 billion watt digital billboards.

the better to blind you with, my dears!

Light pollution! Have you seen those things? Even from a far distance, it’s like having a flashbulb go off right in your face. (Question: do they still make flashbulbs?) Not only do they sear your retinas, but they are beguilingly animated. You cannot escape the attraction – it’s like watch TV but with temporary vision damage and the potentail to rear-end the guy in front of you.

I guess this is why we can’t use our cellphones while driving because we have to save ourselves for  crashes due to inattention caused by these. What a country.

Incorrect Usage of “Third World”

One of the blogs I never miss is called Today I Found Out. Brain food articles! My arsenal of awesome cocktail chatter topics has increased at least three-fold since I started reading this. My only regret is that, with notable exception, my cocktail buddies are not interested in brain food but would rather put in a second shift with a blow-by-blow rehashing of the work day. That makes happy hour somewhat less happy then it should be.

Today I found out  The Term “Third World Country” Refers to the Political and Economic Structure of a Country, Not Its Developmental State or Wealth. Now I also know what First, Second and Forth World means.

Other things I’ve found out at this site:

• What causes red hair
• Napoleon Bonaparte wasn’t short
• The difference between what S.O.S. means and what S.O.S. in SOS brand scrubs pads means
• cats aren’t afraid of bears
• Twinkies are only good for 25 days

I won’t link these fascinating finds – go to the site and scroll through the archives or select by topic. Bonus: the pictures chosen to accompany each topic are quite clever. I have no doubt you’ll find something of interest to you there.

Then meet me for cocktails.

No We Won’t

Where in the world is World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama since she came back from her romantic getaway in Asheville? We haven’t seen hide nor hair of her since she got back – not even any mention of her during her husband’s food and farm tour of Iowa this week.

At first, I thought it might be because she was getting new hair pieces sewn on after appearing in public with out them. All she can muster on her own is a beguiling horse’s rear end look. But  looking at this photo made me realize that the weather was rainy then and not at all conducive to playing golf. Must have been a huge disappointment to Barry, who was looking forward to that so much. You know how he gets all pissy when he doesn’t get what he wants. Now I’m thinking he was trapped in a  hotel room with her yapping about all the fat kids she has to hug and maybe trying to get him to hula hoop in the corridor to pass the time and he was in a snit because he brought his clubs and all and then he just blew up and clocked her.

How long does it take for a black eye to go away?

That was just a joke.

No way would he come out unbruised after a go round with her.

Anyway, not only is she out of sight this week, but she’s also planning to stay that way. She’s not going to her 25th class reunion at Princeton, either.

Obama ’85 will not attend 25th reunion

” … Obama’s press secretary, said in an e-mail that the first lady’s scheduling office has sent a formal letter of regret to the University explaining that Obama will not be able to attend.” The Daily Princetonian

The comments there are better than the article.

• I hope she has a great weekend tending her stupid anti-fat people garden. I say we get Sotomayor ’76 back a year early–I can tell she likes to party.
• Of course she’s not coming….last thing the Obamas want right now is to reinforce their “ivy league” image
• Why would she embrace the WASP culture that is so throughly ingrained when she is a proud black woman from the south side of chicago?

Bless Me Readers For I Have eBayed Again

In my defense, it’s been raining for 2 days and I got a really good deal. Anyway, I was in great need a strong focal point for the only wall with any surface to speak of in my yellow kitchen that’s in search of a personality. Get ready to focus:

forbidden fruit by vera neumann for mikasa

Right?

It’s Vera, people. The very one. THE Vera.

Here’s the thing: I’ve accepted that I’m bent on recreating my past – not my actual dreary, pitiful and impoverished past, but “building the past I should have had” would be a better way to describe it. I declare right now that I am giving up the 40s and 50s, skipping right over most of the 60s and taking the 70s full on.

I know where my platform shoes are, but where did I put my Qiana shirt?

I don’t recall why I was such a naysayer of Mikasa – in hindsight, they seem to have really had it going on. I guess I thought they were twee when I was trying with all my being to be sophisticated. Imagine it – 20 years old, Wilkes-Barre via Hackensack and landed alone in Manhattan. I was all about the black and white minimalism then.

Reflections on Disco Tex and the Sexolets coming any day now.

Unexplained Dermopathy Explained By Joni Mitchell

Ever since I heard that Joni Mitchell is suffering from Morgellons, I think I might have it, too.

“I have this weird, incurable disease that seems like it’s from outer space …Fibers in a variety of colors protrude out of my skin like mushrooms after a rainstorm: they cannot be forensically identified as animal, vegetable or mineral …In America, the Morgellons is always diagnosed as “delusion of parasites,” …” Joni Mitchell

Morgellons, huh? Apparently, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has been investigating for quite some time now. I find myself quite am offended by that because the CDC and I are LIKETHIS  In fact, fully half of the tweets I follow are verified CDC entities. (I hear that FluGov was around, and so I want to give a shout out to that one-stop access to US Government H1N1, avian and pandemic flu information. It’s good to see you!) – and yet, I didn’t know.

I hear you asking yourself  “How else is Suzette like Joni Mitchell?” I made an E-Z Reference Guide for you:

Feel free to ask me if there are any other things that Joni Mitchell and I might have in common. I’d be glad to answer.