Barack Obama, Full Of … grace?


Holy Blackberry! Obama Finds Ways to Keep the Faith During First Year In Office.

” … sources familiar with the president’s personal life say Obama remains a faithful Christian while in the White House, practicing his beliefs regularly in private with family and the aid of his BlackBerry.”

At first, I was skeptical about the validity of this news item. Then I realized how many times in a single work day, I look down at my company-provided Blackberry as new emails buzz in and quietly intone “Oh my God. Oh my God.” over and over. So, maybe.

I looked around for religious software for BBs and there are a few, mostly bible verse interpretations and some new age Buying the World A Coke kind of stuff. But then I found this Virtual Rosary Software.

“This program will grab your hand and take you all the way through the mysteries, creeds, and prayers you have to pray with a rosary … Virtual Rosary has a midi player integrated with several songs so you do not get bored while you are praying.”

They were smart to put that last part in there because I was already getting bored just reading about it all. But then I came across a screenshot of one of the prayer pages and saw that it displays a clickable AMEN button.

Amen!

Now we’re talking! For those folks who spend their days worshiping  at the Church of Overused Business Lingo, an AMEN button would be so appropriate. Just click it whenever one of the buzzwords comes up. There is, of course, the danger of contracting Blackberry Thumb by overuse so I don’t recommend that the AMEN option  be employed for “low-hanging fruit” or “outside the box thinking“, but “deliverables” and “value proposition” and – Heaven help us all – “ping” … I say AMEN!

How can I get myself just an AMEN button? Because I could really use one.

Nut N’ Honey


Flew to LA on Thursday; flew back home on Friday. Note to self: don’t do this again.

I’m always a little bit behind on things when I don’t have access to my blog so I started this post over several times today. I’ve decided to spare you all my reflections on the following topics:

  • baggage handlers at Newark airport throwing snowballs instead of handling bags
  • 6 restless monks on an airplane
  • airport chicken salad
  • real housewives of orange county
  • real housewives of new jersey
  • how to fart on an airplane without detection

Just Statin’ the Facts


Was it just me or was that a steaming pile of boring horseshit? We played SOTU Bingo (thanks, Eden!) and that made it bearable. I think we can all agree that the big star of the evening was Nancy Pelosi’s remarkable Hangin’ Low® boobs.

Look at old Uncle Joe doing his best to inflate them by working her pump handle. You’ve got to give the Dems credit – they sure do cover for each other no matter what the occasion.

The big reveal:  who among us would have guessed that World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama would accessorize herself with … valium?

honk shu bebebebebe honk shu bebebebebe

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And look at dear Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Either she succumbedto the anesthesia of the great orator or that insult to the Supreme Court knocked her right out.

LL Cool B. He really has a way with the ladies, no?

Golf Claps All Around


We’re all on pins and needles anticipating the great first real State of the Union address tonight. Liquor stores all around the country will have countless jobs saved or created due to the increased volume of sales related to drinking games prompted by “let me be clear” and “relief for the middle class“.  Bookies are taking bets on everything from the length of the speech to color of the tie.

But the smart money already knows what he’s going to say – detailed predictions are all over the internet today. Here at Cripes Suzette, we prefer to stay focused on our gal MOO. She’s far less predictable. So many possibilities to consider:

  • Will she wear a new ugly brooch or recycle one we’ve seen already in a nod to the tough financial message being delivered?
  • Will she go full bouffant as a symbol of hopeful optimism, or pank down her new Asian wig hair to only half-size to signal caution?
  • Will her outfit be done up in the colors of the flag of Haiti or will it evoke a stewardess uniform to give the impression that air travel is safe in spite of the Underpants Bomber’s message of the many who are ready to take his place ?
  • Litttle Eye or Botox?

She’s always a surprise, that one. My only certainty about her appearance tonight is that her face will be made up to within an inch of it’s life and she’ll be wearing a very high gloss peach-toned lip color. Please feel free to chime in with your predictions about how she’ll look tonight.

Hair:

(a) pulled back into Evita-like chignon

(b) casually tousled (clip-on) curls

(c) Jiffy Pop Head

(d) other

Outfit:

(a) recycled; matches his tie

(b) brand new fashion forward designer duds

(c) theme ensemble  (stewardess, Maire Antoinette, etc)

(d) other

Jewelry:

(a) costs more than $8,000.00

(b) easily replicated by using  paper plates, macaroni and Elmer’s glue

(c) flashes blingy signals to International Space Station

(d) other

Shoes:

(a) gun boats

(b) canoes

(c) wearing the boxes

(d) other

Please leave your predictions in the comments and we’ll revisit after the address.

I’d Certainly Sign Up to Host a SOTU Watch Party But I’d Be Signing Up As “Rob Mewhydoncha”


I love how the image for the watch parties is a big-headed Barry O looming over a herd of  airy*, non-descript citizens who sit unmoving and transfixed.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

*Hey, maybe they’re all named Ellie Light. Of course! That would explain it.

Outing


This was a big week for the Teleprompter of the United States.

First it was a full out display for a bunch of 6th graders at Falls Church Elementary School. The president and his advisers made sure that there would be no slip of the tongue in extemporaneous remarks to this tough crowd. At the conclusion of the speech, mainly a smack-down for Rick Perry and the state of  Texas, not a single student could speak to what was said because they were all busy trying to see their own reflections in the two teleprompters set up for the occasion.

I love how much effort went into surrounding the podium with a special display of student papers and Arne Duncan is thoughtlessly standing right on them

The next outing was a real treat for the Teleprompter of the United States. Obama went to play basketball with daughters Sausage and Malaria. The breathless news reports gave such fine detail as they “left the White House at 10:31am”  and “three minute drive to the gym” but forgot to say that the teleprompter went along on the excursion. Since the script for this event was fairly limited, the teleprompter performed double duty as the backboard.

Now say "UUNH!" ... *pause ... Now say "SCORE!"... *turn and grin ... Now say "YES WE CAN!"

World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama did not accompany her family to the hoops session as she was otherwise occupied with detaching her New Year’s hairpieces and barking orders to send them out for a much needed tune-up. Must look très jolie and bon bouffant for the close-ups during the State of the Union broadcast, donchaknow?

you'd BETTER tell me "yes we can" freshen up that Asian hair I got in Hawaii.

Inquiring Bellies Want To Know


Which is a better magazine – Cooking Light or Eating Well?

Eating Well

A delicious balance of cooking and must-have nutrition features, EatingWell is the award-winning magazine where good taste meets good health on every page. Each issue is filled with dozens of delicious and nutritious recipes, smart shopping tips, healthy-in-a-hurry menus and much more! Beautiful color images illustrate never-fail, full-flavored recipes for healthful everyday eating and entertaining.

Cooking Light

The emphasis of this magazine is on healthy eating and living. Each issue covers light cuisine and includes more than 70 recipes with photos. It also explores food and nutrition news as well as fitness, health and beauty.

I’m thinking Cooking Light is the winner here – Eating Well seems just a tad too preachy. Anybody have any real-life experience with either of these magazines?