What I Wrote Someplace Else Today

“Sometimes I wish that I could go all West Coast and healthy-like, but I realize that the cultural food switch would do me in. We have a genuine California Girl visiting for the holidays and although we are feting her with exactly the true Jersey meal experiences she asked for ( pork roll, hot dogs, pizza, bagels and belly bombers from White Castle), she has taken to carrying around a ziplock bag full of baby spinach and frisee in her coat pocket.”

eBay Find of the Day: Anthropomorphic Potholders

From the listing:

“Vintage Hot Pad Potholders FUNNY L@@K SURPRISE INSIDE”

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“THESE WOULD BE GREAT FOR GETTING A LAUGH OUT OF ANYONE WHO HAS A SENCE OF HUMOR & FULLY CLOTHED THEY WOULD LOOK GREAT IN ANY VINTAGE KITCHEN”



I happen to be in the market for some new potholders but I don’t think this is quite the theme I’m going for.

Never Let A Crisis Go To Waste

Finally, the Rahm Emanuel light bulb went off inside the head of a non-intellectual like me. I now agree 100% with the sentiment in the title of this post. I think  we should take full advantage of  the reevaluation of security measures to get rid of some of the more irksome factors associated with modern-day flying. Yes, please tighten up the security screenings in the aftermath of the Christmas Nutsack Bomber and while you’re at it, regulate the overhead bin hogs, limit the up and downing for the restrooms and segregate the babies.

This is the perfect opportunity to reduce the number of carryons from “2” to one. I say “2” with quotation marks to imply inexactitude because  you cannot believe how that translates to real practice. Modern airline passengers laugh at your “2” piece limit. But now is the time to take a page from the Democrat playbook and take action that may be unpopular with the majority of Americans and that also holds many layers of unrevealed impositions.

  • It’s not enough to limit carry-ons to one, I think that “carry-on” should be clearly defined. One briefcase – check. One tote bag – check. Got a winter coat? – either count that as your carryon or wear it for the whole trip. One children’s bag – check. That means the amount of toys and amusements you take on board have to fit into the the kid’s diaper bag or backpack. Side benefit (1): less competition for limited overhead space.
  • In fact, take everybody’s coat away when they get down the jet way. Right now, the carry-on that won’t fit cget’s checked on the jet way before you go board the plane itself. I say put up a coat rack, hand eveyone a coat check tag and roll that rack down into the cargo hold. Upon arrival at the destination, those with coats stand on the jet way, just like they do now for extra bags, strollers and walkers – and pick up their coats. Side benefits (3): faster seating process without taking off coats while standing the aisle and looking for a place to stuff them, more room in the seats and overhead bins.; less arms waving in the aisles trying to find the sleeve holes upon deplaning.
  • Stop the practice of bringing food boxes/bags onto the planes to eat in flight. Some of that stuff is explosive all by itself. One could easily hide a wad of  C-4 in a Big Mac -who’d even know? Side benefit (2) less stinkage on the plane; less restroom visits.
  • Institute pay toilets. Unpopular, I know, but this measure will reduce bustling about the cabin and make it easier for the waitresses to keep an eye on suspicious looking travelers. It will also will cut down on the lookie loos who just want to stretch their legs. Side benefit(1); only the seriously needy will pay to go so you won’t be asked to let anyone out of your row unless it’s a real situation.
  • For families with young children: No singing ABC’s or asking “Where’s your eyes? Where’s your nose?” Keep that noise level down so we can hear the matches being struck to light the fuse.
  • Create separate lines at the security check to separate the expert travelers from the vacationers and their mounds of clothing and full pockets. No benefit to overall safety here, really but how nice that would be if the families and nervous first-timers could be culled out. If they make it though the security check, then everybody gets a shot of Benedryl for the ride.
  • Inspect the babies. Pull them all over to the side and take those diapers off, dump out the diaper bags, squish through the baby food containers and x-ray those bottles. Make it so inconvenient for people to inflict their babies on other travelers that they’d be happy to pay for a special child-friendly flight that stocks diapers and suitable food. Isolate them. Side benefits (2) This system would speed up security check in for flights full of only of expert travelers making for happier big ticket customers and the TSA could better plan  for proper staff  time allotment for the extended time needed to search through all the babies.

UPDATE: Ivana Trump Gets Belligerent, Is Escorted Off Plane

What a bullshit headline. “Police say Ivana Trump has been escorted off a plane in Florida after she became belligerent when children were running and screaming in the aisles.” See what I mean about the messed up attitude  towards kids on planes?  They should have lifted the toilet seat lid and shoved the kids out. Problem solved.

It’s Curtains For Me

Maybe I’ve been living with bare windows for too long to readjust to a civilized life that includes curtains. I’ve had these curtains ready for years. That is not an exaggeration. Years.

And now that we’re finally at the point where I can hang them, I don’t care for them all that much. Oh, it’s not that I don’t like the curtains themselves – I do. After all, cutwork and crochet. Come on – who wouldn’t like them? It’s just that I think I want the streamlined Blinds Only look going on. I suppose that you could have judged better if I took a photo of the same window with and without curtains, but we’re past that point and I can’t spend all night taking these things down and putting them up again. So please observe the window over the sink compared to the windows by the table.

Please note hipster wreath. Also, it's so obvious now that I should have gotten the stainless steel dish drainer

Arguments for the curtains:

  • planned for many years to hang exactly these curtains
  • homey in a bloodlessly cold kind of way (temporary)
  • the red vintage pattern curtains will inject color
  • can change look of kitchen by changing color palette with curtains

Arguments against curtains:

  • one less dust collector
  • not much room to move behind the  table – looks bigger with just blinds
  • curtains look worse in person blinds look better in person
  • small room – can’t be all busy with ruffles and shit

UPDATE 8:20 pm – If you enlarge the picture, you can see through the rungs of the ladder that there is a tray of baklava and a sauce pot on the stovetop. The saucepot used to have sugar syrup in it but while I was posting the original entry, Sami came upstairs to yak with me and forgot that he had started heating the syrup so he could spoon more over the baklava.

Long story short: acrid smoke filling entire house.

Short story even shorter: curtain dilemma no longer my most pressing problem.

60 Days Late; $2.6 Billion Short

Two full months after the 2009 H1N1 influenza vaccine hit the American streets, after 95 million doses have been distributed for the common man, big brave Barry O offered himself  up yesterday as a role model for the vaccination.

now is the time on schprockets when we cry like a litte girl

Would it be cynical to suggest that we’ll soon be seeing this image on a government-issued brochure about universal health care?

Schnow

This is the second winter that Stedman is here with us. Last year, he kept quiet while Sami dragged  the snow blower to the backyard in order to make a network of  pathways so he could run around. This year, he revealed his ability to plow for himself.

a dog that stands 13″ at the ear tip in 18″ of snow

At the moment, we’re trying to teach him to say “hamburger” so there is a possibility that might have been the motivation behind flinging himself into snow that was over his head and heading in the opposite direction.