Me Too

Have I ever told you how much I love The Huffington Post?

It's like The Real Housewives of the Media over there. You know it's trashy and non-representative of the greater population, but you just can't help watching it to squeal over how divorced from reality they are and their lack of self-awareness about how they come off to the rest of the country. The Real Housewives franchise, same as HuffPo, makes you feel good about yourself because hey, you might be a dope but at least you're not as dopey as those characters.

Ya gotta love this:


Whoa! Wait a minute – is that what the healthcare act is going to do for us? Give us everything that medical science has to offer? I did not know that. This is a game-changer. Money is no object – let's try it all, wot the hell. Ok then – I'm in.

And while we're at it, I'd like to have the same real estate holdings that Ted Kennedy had in his last year, as well as his fleet of vehicles, his reserved parking spots and his power to die of something other than liver disease. Throw in the knighthood, too.

Living In A World Without Ted Kennedy

A few follow-up thoughts:

I was just joking when I said that World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama was going to wear her pope dress to the funeral, but son of a gun if she didn’t do just that. It’s actually a blouse and skirt. You can see that she’s wearing a different skirt than she wore at the pope meeting – probably didn’t have enough room in the steamer trunks then for her bustle. So glad she got a chance to wear it yesterday.


She likes to wear a big bow on her chest. Observe:

Whb Gardenb

Mob 6a00d8341c860f53ef01157015d3ae970b-800wi


(image of the Bo Bow courtesy of The Proprietor)


Now can I just ask what is up with Hillary’s hairdo? I know it was raining but we’ve seen countless pictures of her in all types of weather conditions over the years and she never looked like this. This is the same flat, non-styled thing she had going on when she snapped at that African student last month. Did somebody cut the hairdresser out of the State Department budget? I’m looking at you, Barry. I know you two have had your differences in the past but that was low.

Also, who among us does not love to watch MO bang her head on the airplane door over and over again?


link via Jana

She fell asleep during Ted’s funeral service but I can’t find any video of that yet. Check out this photo – no little eye.


Her little eye appears when she’s tired, and although she looks generally ragged, both eyes are the same size. She banged that coconut pretty hard so I’m thinking concussion. That would account for her droopiness. It will be interesting to watch Mo’s visibility over the next few days. Let’s see if they keep her under wraps during her recovery. 

Dear Michelle,

Even though the media keeps calling you “young”, you’re not exactly a spring chicken. You’re what – 45 now? Unless you’re planning on living past 110, that puts you on the downhill side. Here’s a tip – if Barry comes a-knockin’ on your bedroom door DON’T LET HIM IN. I think you’ve heard enough about what happens to the olds when they need medical treatment. I tried to tell Ted Kennedy the same thing but he didn’t listen and you know how that turned out.



Fondly, Suzette


Bury Me Deep, Bury Me Wide

Ted Kennedy gets buried today. Not the off-the-shelf casket for our Teddy – not that he could fit in one anyway. A custom-ordered, designed-to-fit model has been standing at the ready ever since Ted ran out of treatment options to buy for his inoperable- yet operated on – brain tumor.

Casket 3

(coffin image courtesy of The Proprietor)

Kennedy's longtime friend and fuck buddy, Chris Dodd , wondered aloud of good old Ted was alone in there. He reminisced about the good old days when they shared waitresses out in the open and expressed admiration for Ted's ability to carry on even when sealed up for eternity.

Following a funeral mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Payola, Kennedy will be transported to Washington to be buried in the sacred ground of Arlington National Cemetary, over the objections of the ground itself. The dirt is of the opinion that the feculence that is the rotting corpse of the filthy and despicable  Kennedy is even dirtier than the dirt and would only lower the standard and reputation of the muck and mire.

Kennedy bouquet The family has requested no bouquets but if you insist, please use the long-time family florist who understands the Kennedys and knows what they like.

How To Dress For Ted Kennedy’s Funeral


World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama has interrupted her vacation among the elites to travel to Boston for Ted Kennedy's funeral service. Short of cash after buying fried seafood and short of time after bicycling in the dune grass, the clever fashion-forward first lady, unafraid to re-wear her designer threads,  shook out her pope dress, strapped up her boobs with her trademark chest belt and jammed on her size 14 kitten heels to make the trip over to Boston to attend Ted Kennedy's funeral service.

World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama was not the only first lady in attendance. Hillary Clinton (First Lady of Arkansas 1979-1992 AND  First Lady of America 1992-2001) also made the trip. She delivered a heartfelt message she had been composing for Senator Kennedy since January 27, 2008.



Ex-wife Joan "The Dish" Kennedy wore a trout pout and the cumulative lifetime burden of ever being married to Ted Kennedy.

The only Kennedy even more of a pig than Ted, Ethel "The Uterus" Kennedy, has hardly been been in camera frame at all. Nobody loves a good-old fashioned Catholic ritual more than our little Ethie. Ethel wore a conservative suit and accessorized with a whackjob offspring better known for reckless driving and consorting with South American dictators.


UPDATED: Ethel, you big old freckle – we luvs ya. I must say, Ethie, you have managed to maintain a tradional and classic wardrobe right up into your 81st year. Lost your hairbrush, though – didn't you?


Death Taps Ted Kennedy

Death taps ted kennedy

Death visits Senator Kennedy

(image courtesy of The Proprietor)

Despite the finest medical treatment and surgical intervention that money could buy, Ted Kennedy finally died. Long after being diagnosed with terminal cancer, out of the public eye for months, hanging by a thread but still able to write self-serving letters to popes and governors, he was called to the Lord on August 27, 2009. Immediately thereafter,  the Lord said "Sorry, wrong number" and handed the phone over to Satan, who already had the roaster fired up.

After a gluttonous and immoral lifetime marked by dishonesty, drunken debauchery, overindulgence  and criminal behavior, the well-known poster boy for killing both the unborn and the submerged found himself at the end of life's dock. Nothing if not tenacious, he clung to a life prolonged by all that modern medicine had to offer until Barack Obama was called in to say the special aloha he created for seniors who should not be seeking life-saving treatments because they are going to die anyway.

He is survived by his wife Altovise, his ex-wife Joan, three children, two step-children that noboy ever heard of until Altovise wrote the obiturary, and his beloved Portuguese waterdogs Sunny, Splash and GlubGlubGlub.


Where is my big mallet when I really need it? Anybody got quarters?


Barack Obama looks for his ball in the woods today at the Farm Neck Golf Club in Oak Bluffs on Martha's Vineyard.

Obama's Vacation Reading List:

1. The Constitution by America

2. His Own Healthcare Bill by Barry Sotero

3.How To Win Friends and Influence People by Leon Panetta

4. Save Yourself by Ted Kennedy

5. How To Serve Man by unknown