Product Endorsement: Ben-Gay Is the Greatest

Dear Readers,

I have wrenched my back whilst laughing at asshole Obama's plane strafing the NYC skyline tediously painting the intricate curlicues of two wrought iron benches. My activity is now limited to shifting position on the sofa and calling, with varying degrees of success for people to bring me things.

Your pal,

Suzette

Stedman Dines In The Style of A Government Worker

Bo the PWD will be eating his meals and drinking his water from Swarovski crystal bowls, a gift President Obama received on his recent trip to Prague.”

Stedman bowl  Not one to be outdone, Stedman the PWC uses non-skid plastic bowls just like the ones the TSA makes you dump your pocket change into before you pass through an airport scanner. His doesn’t look exactly like the one pictured because when he runs out of food, he starts chewing the black rubber off.

Bo1 P.S.  – Did you get your Bo the TY Beanie Baby f?  Too late now – it sold out within hours of release. I was busy for the past few days and I must have missed Fashion Icon and Busy MomTM Michelle Obama’s outrage over the use of young, private dogs for marketing purposes. I bet she was really mad!

When Spray Tan-Abs Are Not Enough

Is there anything about this guy Obama that's real?

Barak-obama-vacation-in-hawaii-290x300 When Obama was a candidate for the Democratic nomination – around August or so, he took a vacation in  Hawaii to rest up from the rigors of the campaign trail. At the time, he was photographed in the surf. He was reported to be very unhappy that he appeared to be not quite so lean and fit as his press made him out to be.

That's the first thing I thought of when I saw the photos from his December Hawaiian vacation. Five months later after winning the presidentail race, he took another rest in Hawaii and this time … lo and behold, the cameras caught him once again clad in only swim trunks and lookee here: not just slim and free from those embarrassing fat rolls previously on display but now he's got a six pack. (Also, moobs.) You might remember that I highlighted certain aspects of this photo at the time.

Boy, that basketball for 15 minutes three times a week is really something, isn't it? Who could have guessed that was the secret to weightloss? Or maybe it's something else – say,  a little thing known as  spray-tan abs. It's all the rage, you know. He might have had a little Photoshop help as well. But that was then, when we were all naive and innocent about such things. Now, the Washingtonian magazine has chosen this same picture for their cover and geez-oh-pete, talk about your Photoshop. Take a look. they made him golden. Golden. And then they made him shiny. And as if that's not enough, does that look to you like they added a faint happy trail? I do believe they did.

Obama-shirtless-dec  Obama_Washingtonian

He's the shiniest president ever! 

The magazine admits they did apply a little Photoshop magic but only to change the color of his shorts, but that "didn't change the concept of the picture,"  said political reporter Garrett Graff.  Even Huffpo couldn't swallow that one:

What's the danger of an audience thinking that the president looks
model-hot? It's a simplification of who he is–it's the photographic
version of presenting Obama as the shining hope for the country.It's ascribing to him more power–even if the power is sexual–than he actually has.

Let's wait for the gagging to subside.


Because If You Read It On The Internet It’s True, Right?

UPDATE:  All hail the great pumpkin remedy! Wow – one meal of pumpkin/rice/boiled chicken and I see an improvement in the situation. Bonus: not only is the poop pumpkin colored, but it has a very nice pumpkin aroma as well.

……………………………………………………….

Known facts:

  • The dog can make a medium-sized rawhide "bone" disappear in one evening.
  • The dog threw up large amounts of grass and strips of softened rawhide on Friday.
  • We put lawn fertilizer down in the backyard on Saturday.
  • Also on Saturday, the dog saw his chance when the back gate was opened just a crack, crossed the creek bed and was unaccounted for on the other side for several minutes before being captured.
  • The dog has diarrhea.

Suppositions:

  • The dog might be clogged up with rawhide.
  • The dog might have licked up some fertilizer.
  • Who knows what happened while he was on his adventure?
  • Poison Chinese dog food.

He's still perky and energetic, but not quite his usual maniac self so I don't think a trip to the vet is warranted. So I consulted the internet for dog diarrhea cures and came up with this assvice to make a mixture of white rice, boiled chicken and pumpkin. I trust the internet but I wouldn't be opposed to hearing some first hand experiences with this remedy.

Anybody?

Smooch Mwah

Gh  I have a like/don't like conflict about Twitter. There's no reason to like it but I do. I check in frequently to see what my witty friends have to say. At the moment, I've expunged all newspeople, politicians and fake TV characters.The only celebrity that I follow is Jill Zarin, the RHoNY (FYI – Ginger the chihuahua is sick! Oh noes. I love Ginger.)

Although I'm spellbound by everything I happen to write there, it doesn't seem to matter to anyone else one way or the other. I blog to myself so I might as well twitter to myself. Here's the plan: I'm going to use it to list my taglines, which are also for myself.

I come across so many comment in the course of a day's internet reading that stick in my head so my current project is to use those comments as my taglines. If this doesn't interest you, don't worry – I never stick with things for any length of time.

This one " .. smooch mwah  aand I'm not gay .." is from a YouTube video of a live Queen performance of Love of My Life. A tribute to Freddie, of course. I like the smooch mwah. I think I'll add it to my signature on Gmail. FYI – my alternate consideration for the first post in this project was from the same comment thread: "fuck wot a world now". Kind of all-purpose, that one.