Don't you know what's happening today?
Are you aware that it's the season finale for season 4 of The Real Housewives of Orange County? AND the season premiere of season 2 of the Real Housewives of New York City?
I can hardly breathe.
RHoOC is so much fun to watch. You'd hate it! There are five women desperately trying to hang on to youth by means of poorly done breast implants and addictions to Botox injections. Except for their shiny, shiny faces, their skin is either leathery or age-spotted, they wear as little clothing as possible, they are lacking in intellectual pursuits and are clueless about their family members. Their kids – young adults, really – run the gamut from lazy to disrespectful to outright disgusting and criminal behaviors. There's some very bad parenting going on here. They live a rich life-style with the houses, cars, boats and Rolexes but in reality are on the brink of financial disaster. I know because I read the OC Register.
The newest housewife is the most likable – she seems like a lovely person – but life seems to go on around her without much. The others don't like her and think she's a pothead because she's so dopey all the time, but I'm pretty sure even potheads know if they have air conditioning or not. This one isn't certain, but she does know that "a big machine comes on at night and makes noise." Don't you just love that?
Her shtick is that she's "obsessed with being young" but she's got skin like a rotisserie chicken and wons the prize for Most Visible Tendons. And talk about tits on a stick.
One reason I like this is that they do a lot of filming in Laguna Beach and when I go visit my son, I go to a lot of those same places. Ok, I drive past them, but still.
Now the RHoNYC are another story entirely. These ladies really have the bucks, they are involved with their children and seem to be very fond of their mates. All but one have real jobs of their own and that one is busy being a countess. Countess LuAnn. What a country! A countess with a hillbilly name.
The thing is these ladies are smart. So smart that they're always plotting to get one up on the other ones. They form bitchy alliances. At least two of the have genuine psychological disorders. Check out Ramona – even without knowing anything else about her, how could you look at those eyes and not know that she's about to make trouble? And she does. And yet, she's got a very nice husband and a decent 12-year old daughter.
Look at this poor thing – Bethany Frankel the Celebrity Natural Foods Chef. Ever hear of her ? No! She's as lean as could be, got a jawline that could cut glass and is a compulsive talker. Here she is cheffing up some rice and revealing the professional secrets, which are "add liquid until it looks like this" and "cook it until it looks like this". Not sure you can handle it – better leave it to the celebrity professionals.
The poor thing is actually hanging by a thread. Whatever damage was done in her childhood makes her very fragile emotionally, despite her success as a celebrity natural foods chef (who uses coconut milk from a can.)
There's a Eurotrash couple who live in Brooklyn but are striving to climb the NYC social ladder and my favorite one: Jill Zarin. That's what she calls herself: Jill Zarin. Hi, I'm Jill Zarin. Hello – Jill Zarin. My name is Jill Zarin. She seeems like the most levelheaded one and that she can handle any of the other ones when the shenanigans start up.
So there we have it – something for both sides of the fence tonight. You watch RHoOC and wince and think "What a bunch of shallow dummies!" the whole time. then you watch RHoNYC and think "What a bitch!" but you can't help but root for them.
Let's all watch and meet back here tomorrow!