People! My 4-day confinement in the basement of an LAX hotel has ended and I'm now free to breathe fresh air and look at the sky. I've relocated to my son's apartment (short version: it needs cleaning) and I have the next three days penciled in for leisure.
So what's been happening? Did I miss anything? How as that Obamamercial? I didn't hear a single person speak about it, not even on early morning news. Has Michelle Threefeet been up to anything lately? I must say, the woman has surprised me. I thought there wouldn't be much to say about her but she's turning out to be a 6 foot tall freakshow.
Did you know that we have something in common, she and I? I am a fan of big unusual brooches. I can't even decide which photo to show here as evidence that she does, too – to select one is to ignore the many equally … um, impressive? pins that she has been sporting across the campaign trail. She likes these sequin flower pins a lot – I've seen them on her in at least 5 colors, and she wears them in varying locations and color combinations. None of which ever make them look good.
So, how've you been? What's been happening?
Despite the fact that masks of politicians are are big sellers on any given Halloween, sales of which are sometimes used as a predictor of election results, this year a new element has been added to costuming: racism.
How to avoid that pesky racist accusation about your costume this year and yet still be trendy? I say forget about Mr. Obama and go with the Mrs.! The secret of a good costume is to convey the most outstanding characteristics and with her, skin tone need never be mentioned. Feel free to embellish your Michelle Obama get-up by using these elements:
floral bedspread giant plastic jewelry
of questionable taste
clown shoes expression maker
And there we have it, the perfect witch costume for Halloween:
Not one to give up the limelight to anyone else, Mr. Obama displays HIS bare feet.
Here he is walking around in full Mourn My Grandma mode for the cameras in Hawaii. (Nice touch with the shades, sir. Can you turn your face just a bit? That way the sun can catch the glint off of your cheeks. "Tracks of my tears" and all that. They'll eat it up.)
Solitary walk? You mean, without the Secret Service? But with the press corps?
Also, pigeon-toed much, Mr. Obama?
And just to cover all bases, here is shot of his feet in shoes that PROVES beyond doubt that he is just like us, worn out soles and all.
" … as he was getting ready to begin his event, he asked me if I was photographing his shoes. When I said yes, he told me that he had already had them resoled once since he entered the race …"
Aww … that's so sweet, so human, almost.- he's not just like me, he's better than me. I haven't had a pair of shoes resoled since … I can't remember when. My childhood, I guess. Back to you, Michelle.
WARNING! Not for the faint of heart.
The author assumes no responsibility for any ill effects sustained by the elderly, the infirm, pregnant women, persons less than 2 years of age or those suffering from severe heart disease, high blood pressure or obstructive pulmonary disease. Look at your own risk.
I am so stunned by the sight of this that I am left almost completely snarkless.
What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a rare sighting of the unshod Michelle ThreeFeet. Not sure what to make of the chestal area – definitely unpadded but is that bodice totally empty or are there little saggy boobies in there right above the belt?
That, of course, is a distraction. It's the foot that mesmerizes. Perhaps we change her name to Michelle ThreeToes, no?
- it's better to have no bagel at all than to suffer through a cinnamon-raisin bagel.
- everything bagels: too much or not enough?
- salt bagels – threat to the pretzel or friend to man?
- Barry Manilow once had a beagle named Bagel.
b. Cream Cheese:
c. Orange Juice:
One of the great vintage treasures that I brought back from the old house in PA is the red plastic carton holder. It was fine for about 8 weeks and then someone in the American Orange Juice cartel got the sinister notion to reduce the size of the package, rendering my carton holder obsolete. And I'm supposed to act like nothing's wrong with that?
It's Thursday – did Barry really leave the campaign trail to go to Hawaii for the emergency visit he announced three days ago?
Does anyone else think that Grandma is already dead and they'll make the announcement once BO gets there as if it just happened? That way, Barry wouldn't look so bad for delaying his trip so he could dance on the Ellen Show. It wouldn't be the first time he put his own political interests ahead of the dying of his primary female relative. And then spun the story into a campaign talking point.
Interesting fact: Obama spent $140,000.00 on the Styrofoam construction known as Barackopolis that was used for a single evening.
Sarah Palin's wardrobe cost $150,000.00 worn for two months of campaigning. Michelle Obama's wardrobe costs $0 because she makes it out of Grandma Madeyn's slip covers.
Compare and contrast. Maybe this is what Obama had in mind with that spread the wealth around business. Maybe Michelle told him to say that. Maybe that is the real purpose of the "emergency" trip to Hawaii – she told BO to go get the drapes.
Name those feet.
They've already claimed the right to share your supper, maybe they'll go after the shoes next. Although, really, if she wants Sarah's shoes, she'll have to cobble two of them together for each foot.