10:37 pm – Chelsea's monotone drones over the Pepsi Center's speakers as an image of a freight train bears down. Look out, Obamanites – she's about to steamroll in. Lots of Chelsea's unattractive profile on the film. Ill-conceived, to say the least. C.C. introduces her mother from behind an obvious tranquilzer haze.
10:42 pm - Orange pantsuit! She's telling us that she's a prisoner and is not there expressing her own free will. The heart breaks. Maybe she's going to bust a move and she'll be allready to do her time picking up garbage from the side of the highway. Start worrying, Barry. The great pumpkin is about to speak.
Who picked the music for this convention? For a party that has the musical artists all locked up, you would expect more, wouldn't you?
Ok, now THIS is an appropriate crowd response. Oh, that sweet sweet sound of the halting cadence and off-beat inflection. I can't believe we won't be hearing that again until 2012. You can practically see the air quotes hanging above her head as she speaks.
10:47 pm – I didn't see her shoes! Now she's planted behind the podium. Please let them be dyed-to-match, like a bridesmaid. Always a bridesmaid, never a President. It's too sad.
10:50 pm – OMG. Hillary calls up one of her fictitious needy constituents. Autism, no health insurance and cancer – a trifecta of liberal healthcare boogeymen all wrapped up with a painted bald head. Nobody does it better.
Her first mention of Bush is buried under the laughter for "sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits". Michelle would do well to be taking notes up there in the balcony.
Now she's channeling Dr. Suess: "Putin in Georgia, Iran and Iraq (Wish it was me instead of Barack.)"
10:55 pm – She calls up the specter of Chinese money. Hutzpah! Paging Norman Hsu! Now throwing in a little children's education, another swipe at Bush, minimum wage – she's got all the talking points in there but who even cares? The woman is magnificent!
She's got her small jewelry on again. No need for overt ladyhood now – her orange pantsuit blazes on the screen as she takes the mob in the palm of her hand. They roar when she wants them to and they listen silent and rapt when she makes them.
11:00 pm – Hillary compliments Michelle and the camera cuts to a shot of Laura Petrie in the stands.
She just got them all to boo. Tell me again why she's not the candidate.
Oops! "My daughter got to vote for her mother for President" Not exactly, Hillz. Your boyfriend BHO took care of that when he pulled the rug out from under you.
11:08 pm Remarks over and Hillary takes her victory walk, just like Miss America. There she is, your ideal. Someone hand her a bouquet of American Beauties, please.
11:08 and a half – Victory sprint is more like it. She's outta there. $13 million message delivered and she's gone. Goodbye, you magnificent bastard. Back to your dusty nest in Chappaqua. See you again in four years.
PS: Can you even believe she showed up in an orange pantsuit?
PPS: I just realized she was channeling Loretta Castorini (Moonstruck 1987)
Johnny: In time you will see that this is the best thing.
Loretta Castorini: In time you'll drop dead and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!
She showed up at Barack Obama's 4-day Denver funeral in an orange pantsuit. Well played, lady.
Final word: Sweetness & Light takes a retrospective look at Hillary's hairdos.