Ok, now that Christmas is over, it’s time to turn attention to the new year. I have to admit that its a bit embarrassing to reel off the same resolutions year after year. Its a litany of personal failure that I’ve been dragging these around for so many years:
- eat healthier
- stop procrastinating
- improve my cursive handwriting
- match up all the socks as soon as they come out of the dryer
- develop better sleep habits
- keep my pocketbook clear of receipts, small change, crumpled post-it notes, boarding passes and other detritus
… and so on. I’ve come to peace with all of this stuff. It’s not like I’m giving up – I know where my areas of opportunity for improvement lie. It’s just that I haven’t been all that successful in making a difference for myself.
This year, I’m going to try something different: pointing out areas that need improvement in other people. I believe that this effort will be far more satisfying and much easier to critically evaluate. The number one burning issue that needs immediate attention is
the careless public sneezing.
Yes. When the pandemic comes, we are going to be pretty much doomed unless public sneezing habits change and change fast. Every day, I observe carelessness in this department from bartenders, cab drivers, cashiers – people who are the perfectly positioned for key roles in mass contagion.
TO: The Sneezing Public
FROM: A Concerned Suzette
DATE: Right Now
RE: Spread of Germs
(message) You are disgusting.
What we need are Sneeze Police. I’m almost one. Whenever I see someone sneezing out in the open (or coughing into their hand) or putting down the tissue they used, my internal dialog is the same : "When the pandemic comes, you are the first one the Sneeze Police are going to take away." Since I say this so easily in my head, it’s only a matter of time until I start saying it out loud.
Uncovered coughing is bad, too but generally speaking,coughers have
reduced lung capacity and expel with much less force. Look at that
sneeze up there: tell me you wouldn’t duck if you could see it like
that in real life.
Also, I’m hoping that cloth handkerchiefs make a comeback. Benefits:
- people use them and then put them back where they came from
- the only people who have to handle them are the sneezer and the person who does his laundry, most often a family member who has already been exposed anyway
- easier on the nose
- more economical in the long run
Have you done your research on anti-viral tissues yet? Don’t bother. #1 – they do the same thing regular tissues do if used properly: they stop the airborne spread of germs. #2 – they are made of three layers, the middle layer contains the active ingredient lauryl sulfate, which is a pesticide. Pesticide right up your nose. The manufacturer had to get EPA approval before this product could be released. And you know what the EPA stands for, don’t you? Something Pockets Something. EPA approval is similar to buying indulgences from the church. Doesn’t mean that wrongs are righted, just means that wrongs are forgiven.
Pesticide right up your nose. Think about that then go out and buy some hankies.